Two guys, one question and some confusion...

[^sunshine^]

Here's my problem...
Two weeks ago, a guy asked me out - let's call him Tim. So I've been seeing Tim every single day at my work because he's a regular customer. Actually, he was the first person there that I remembered the order to and since I started working at that place, we've been looking at each other and smiling every time. So 14 days ago he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. After talking on the phone, I understood that he waited for almost a year to ask me out just because he's shy around me. And I told him that I noticed him long time ago and that I also like him a lot. And these two weeks were amazing although we get to see each other for like an hour every day because neither he knows how to get to my house and take me somewhere, nore I know where he lives. But the thing is we don't talk that much which makes me think that we only have the physical connection.
Anyway, the other guy - let's call him Dean. I met him 5 months ago - he came once at the restaurant where I work and asked me for my help because he needed to find a place. Ever since he comes like 2 or 3 times a month. But last two weeks he started coming every single day and he was flirting with me. So me and Dean, we always have what to say to each other and we laugh a lot. And today, after seeing me and talking to me for like a little bit, he asked me out. I didn't know what to say so he told me to think about it. I like him a lot. Believe me, I don't know how can it be possible to like two guys at the same time but that's what's happening with me. They're both nice guys and funny, and gentlemen and it's so hard to decide which one I like more than the other one. Tim is 20 - one year younger than me, and Dean is 26.
So I really want to accept and go out with Dean but since I'm dating Tim...I don't know, I just feel I'm being really selfish and kinda bitchy. And I'm not like that. I mean, I never want to hurt anyone that's why almost all the time I'm the one that's been hurt. But I like Dean and...What if I feel better with him than with Tim; what if he knows how to make me happier - I'll never know if I don't take a risk. But, like I said, I don't want to hurt Tim.

So what advice can you give me? Or what would you do if you were me?

[IncognitoSir]

Unless you and Tim are exclusive, why can't you go out with Dean? You should, it's called dating. I understand where you're coming from, but you should first distinguish weather you and Tim are exclusive and if not, feel free to date whom you wish.

[doppelgaenger]

I read the title and thought the most horrible things.

[Poetic_Partner]

If you do decide to go out with Dean for a date, just make sure there are no secrets between you and Tim. If you do, it will make you feel guilty, and if Tim finds out make him feel confused and disrespected.

-PP

[^sunshine^]

I was thinking about the same thing - telling Tim. But I have no idea how to tell him that I'm going to date someone else. If I were him, I would have been disappointed in me. However, I know I can't keep something like that a secret - it's not fair for neither one of us. But I just thought I should wait and see if I really like Dean or it's just a flirt and if it's not something serious, I won't tell Tim. It sounds bad but I don't want to hurt him for nothing because everyone tells me that he's really into me

[Agape]

I don't really know, but it's not like you're in a committed relationship or anything . . . dating need not be mutually exclusive

however if things become a bit more serious then consider limiting it to one guy

[^sunshine^]

I think it's getting complicated now. Tim told me he loves me and we only know each other for less than a month. I told him that it's too early to say this but then he asked me how do I feel for him. I told him the truth - that I've never felt happier and that I love spending every single second with him but also I need more time to know him better. He told me I already know him and that deep down inside I know I love him. I didn't know what to say.
But again...I understood things about him; things that scare me. My parents divorced when I was little - my father used to beat my mom. I thought I've already forgotten all the terror and fear I felt back then. But when Tim told me he has hit a girl twice and so hard that she fell on the ground, I just freaked out. I didn't tell him but I felt really scared. I don't want to feel that again.I don't want to fear what might happen...He tells me that I don't have to be scared because he'll never hit me but my dad used to say the same thing to my mom and then beat her again. I'm scared...I really am.
I still haven't answered Dean though.

[MerryH]

Yeah, that would scare me, too. Don't ignore that fear. Read up on red flags and warning signs here: [url=http://cmhc.utexas.edu/dv_redflags.html]CMHC Dating and Relationship Violence - Red Flags[/url]

Watch out for any of those signs. You might recognize that he has exhibited some of those behaviors already. I specifically wanted to point out this section toward the bottom of that page:

QUICK INVOLVEMENT

* Claiming "love at first sight"
* Becoming engaged or living together within six months
* Expressing desperate need for partner:
- "You're the only person I could ever talk to."
- "I've never felt love like this for anyone."
- "I can't live without you."
- "I would die without you."

I think him telling you he's in love with you already falls under "quick involvement." Also, this section:

CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR

* Not letting partner make decisions or disregarding partner's decisions

Corresponds with what you wrote here:

He told me I already know him and that deep down inside I know I love him. I didn't know what to say.

Just putting that out there.