She Ran Off with the Best Man

**BrownDog52469** · 21-10-10, 02:34 AM

A dear friend of mine was in a bad marriage. They had a son together. I knew she wasn't happy and I was very proud of her when she threw him out. Immediately after they seperated a rumor started that she had dumped her husband to run off with his best friend (the best man at their wedding). We talk via text and e-mail often and I knew that she and the "best man" had become friends. They were each going through divorces. Over the past few months she has said very little to me about the best man. Even when asked she dodges the question or says that there is nothing to talk about. I am certain however, that they have become more than friends.

She is an amazing woman. I never imagined such a person could exist. She is very dear to me. I care about her and her son deeply. I imagine I am like a big brother.

We usually talk daily. This week she has not said a word to me. I found out through a mutual friend that she and the best man had just gotten engaged. Here is my dilema. She is dear to me and she and her son deserve nothing but the very best. I want to be happy for her. Although I know very little about this guy, I am concerned that she cannot be alone and has found him because it was easier for her to get out of a bad marriage when she had someone to go to. Her ex-husband was barely out the door when the best man came onto the scene. I think she is on of those girls who is in love with being in a relationship and not necessarily the guy. Her marriage has only been over a few months. She is an amazing person; she deserves the very best. I am concerned that she is selling herself short.

Am I wrong to be so concerned for her? What do I do? Regardless I'll continue to be her friend and will always be here for her and her son. I care for her and want to see her happy. But it has only been a few months since she divorced and is now marrying her ex-husbands former best friend. This really bothers me and I don;t know what to do.

Thanks for your input.

**sparkle_jello** · 21-10-10, 02:37 AM

There are many women out there that are so worried about being alone that they hop from one relationship to the next never being single. They wont even leave a man till they have another lined up. I feel really sorry for these women because I doubt they ever know what true security and happiness feels like.

**MerryH** · 21-10-10, 03:09 AM

Are you in love with her? You're in love with her, aren't you.

There's not much you can do about it. It's her life. You can give your opinion if you're asked for it, but otherwise it's not really your business.

**sparkle_jello** · 21-10-10, 03:10 AM

Wait, I didn't even think of this.... she ran off with the best man! It's one thing to go off with some random guy, but it doesn't matter what a dirtbag her husband was, you should never **** around with his friends... that's wrong.

**Agape** · 21-10-10, 03:18 AM

"think she is on of those girls who is in love with being in a relationship and not necessarily the guy. Her marriage has only been over a few months."

Meh, she shouldn't make commitments if she's just going to end them a few months later . . . not to mention have kids

**RdHrshyKss** · 21-10-10, 03:41 AM

i think your impression of her is pretty accurate...unless she's been involved with this guy for a long time and they've just been waiting for the right time to take action. but even so, it's not too smart to jump into another marriage like that without testing the waters first, especially for the sake of the child. she needs to be more independent, otherwise her kid will end up being as insecure as she is.

**BrownDog52469** · 21-10-10, 04:58 AM

MerryH - Very intuitive question. Do I love her? hmmmm....how do I answer this. YES - I certainly have feelings for her. Despite the impression my post may give of her, she is truly an amazing girl. Although I have never considered her anything more than a dear friend. I am married and hold that commitment to the highest regard. If circumstances were different could I see her in a different light? Maybe, but the circumstances are not different. So she will never be more than a friend.

I imagine that there is nothing that I can say or do. All I can do is continue to be her friend and wish for the best for her and her son. Sparkle-Jello, that is exactly what I'm afraid of.....that she will never ezperience what love truly is and that she we continue in an endless cycle of bad relationships. I sincerely hope that I am wrong. I care about her and her son, it's hard to see her do this. Yeah, her husband was a d-bag. How different can the ex-best friend be?!?! I hope he is different, and he is the one. But she didn't go very far to find a new relationship and it certainly didn't take her very long? I hope I'm wrong for her and her son's sake; but I have my doubts. As her friend, I just want to see her happy.

**RdHrshyKss** · 21-10-10, 05:02 AM

Originally Posted by BrownDog52469

I hope I'm wrong for her and her son's sake; but I have my doubts. As her friend, I just want to see her happy.

i think you should talk to her about it. in the end, it isn't really your business...she's an adult and has the right to do as she pleases. but since you are her friend, and you really care for her, and especially her son, you should talk to her about it.

**BrownDog52469** · 21-10-10, 05:46 AM

RdHrsyKss, I think you are right to use the word "insecurity". Her relationship with her father was not good. I get the feeling that the best man was her way out of a bad marriage. I think what self worth she has is dependent on her being in a relationship. I don't know anything about him really, for her and her son's sake I hope he is a great guy. She's known the best man for a long time. She and her ex-husband were together for a few years before the finally got married and he was the best friend afterall. But she was only married for 6 months; how long could it have been in the works. I don't fault her for the short marriage. She was trying to give her son a father. And after what she went through with him I can't blame her for divorcing him either. What bother's me is that she jumped right into a new relationship with somone so closely tied to her ex-husband. His dovorce was just recently finalized.

Despite her issue with men, she truly is an amazing girl. Gorgeous, noone is smarter, fun to be near, caring and an amazing mother. She has soo much to offer. That's why this bothers me so much. There has always been a very strong and unique connection between us, as friends!! This is why I'm always troubled by the fact that she doesn't talk about him to me. I truly want to see her happy. If he is bringing her happiness why would she be so reluctant to talk about it. In the past 5 years we've become good friends; both of us have benefited from our friendship. We've always talked about the good and the bad. Why is she afraid to talk to me about him??

p.s. I just finally heard from her. When I asked "what's up" she replied....."nothing's up; just very busy" . Ugh!! She is making it very hard to be her friend!

**IncognitoSir** · 21-10-10, 05:53 AM

She knows she's wrong, that's why she's dodging the "best man" questions. You say she's such an incredible woman, yet what kind of woman runs off with her ex husbands best man/best friend!?

**Only-virgins** · 21-10-10, 07:04 AM

I really hope you care this much about your wife as you do about this woman. You shouldn't concern yourself, in the game of love let her make her own mistakes. If she wastes all her time never learning and just makes mistakes she deserves where she ends at. You just care about your relationship and make sure you don't ruin yours when she tries to jump islands again from this guy to you or someone else.

**BrownDog52469** · 21-10-10, 07:19 AM

Yes IncognitoSir you may be right.....she know's it's wrong, she's embarressed; you may be onto something. But if she knows its wrong or is embarrassed of the relationship why would she pursue it in the first place? This is crazy.......my heart and my head are in mortal combat over this. My mind knows I shouldn't be bothered and to let it run its course......my heart however cares deeply for her and her son and wants to see her truly happy. It's tearing at me. Yes, her choice of men and getting involved with the best man do not exhibit the best judgment, I agree. But love knows no bounds I guess, and I hope it is true love. She is otherwise a truly amazing girl...beautiful, smart, hard working, an amazing mother...no one is perfect, but she is otherwise 'just right'.

**BrownDog52469** · 21-10-10, 07:28 AM

Only Virgins - I love my wife and I am committed to my marriage. I do not place my friendship above my marriage. And I do not allow this friendship to afffect our marriage. Honestly my marriage like any other has it rough patches and has benefited from having a close and dear friend to turn to. It is seeing a good friend make a mistake that bothers me. I guess my role as a friend is to support her and to be there if things go sour. Don't worry, my marriage is safe. I know having an opposite sex friend is not the norm. There is a clear line between our friendship and my marriage and it is never crossed.

**doppelgaenger** · 21-10-10, 07:53 AM

The title was so self-explanatory, I don't feel any need to read between the lines.

**BrownDog52469** · 21-10-10, 08:14 AM

lol....yeah the title does say it all I guess. But my heart tends to overpower my head when it comes to who I care about.

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