Is she playing me? What should I do?

[epicfail]

Hello Everyone,

I've been going through a tough time lately and I need some advice, here's my situation:

About 4 months ago I got separated from my wife, 7 yr relationship, she was very hurt and she's still getting over me, I in the other part didn't even feel it because I cared for her as a friend but I had to make the decision that she wasn't the woman in my life, I did not feel love for her.

After we split I started going out, having fun with single friends and what not. I had sex, and fun with many girls through out this period of time. A month ago, I went out to a club and I met this girl, I didn't think much of her first since we just danced all night and I got her number, I just wanted to get in her pants at first. The next day we started talking and we kinda clicked, we talked alot over text mostly, and I started liking the way she was, I thought she was different from the rest. Anyways after a couple of dates, one weekend over at one of her friends parties we kissed but it never got any further than that, I felt different about her and I didn't want to try anything that could backfire on me.

After that weekend alot of her friends liked me and they started requesting me on facebook... and everything seemed pretty cool. One of her friends particularly got my number and started txting back and forth with me, asking me questions if I liked her and all the things that I knew that were going to get back to her. So I told her friend I liked her alot and that I felt different when I was with her, not like any other girl I've been before. Just to be clear around the same time I told her this stuff over text, and also in person that I liked her alot and that I was really interested in her, that she was special to me. She said she felt the same way and that she loved the way I treated her, and that I would always make her feel special.

Up to that point everything was great, about a week ago I had to go on a trip and I was out of town for a whole week. During that week I was busy so we txted but not for that long, one particular night I got into a really good conversation with her friend and I told her that I was feeling very attached to her and that I did not want to tell her because I didn't want to seem weird, but I couldn't control my emotions, I was falling for this girl.

The next day she was acting very dry, and I asked her if everything was ok, and she just went off on me saying how I need to stay away from all her friends, not talk to her friends and mind my own business, that she has a very private life and that I shouldn't be talking to her friend and telling her how I feel since that's not going to make her like me any better.

At that point I felt like crap and I respected her decision, and decided that maybe I was being a fool for letting my self fall for this girl that I hardly knew.

The next day she called me and apologized and she said that she was having a bad day that she didn't mean to hurt me in any way.

So then her friend invited me to her BBQ that was the Sunday I was coming back in town, I told her I would probably make it in time and be able to attend, so on Sunday as I was getting ready the girl I like texted me and asked me if I was going... as I said yes like 5 minutes later I get a text that says "I can't believe this f*cking guy is going he's pissing me off" after I got that text I was a bit confused and she called me right away a minute later saying that she was supposed to send that text to her friend and that she wasnt talking about me, that she didnt want her brother to go, and that she was talking about her brother. She also told me that she wasnt going to the BBQ because she had things to do, and that I shouldn't go because her friends family was over and that they didn't know me.. at that point I agreed and I ended up not going... so a few days later I saw that she was tagged on some pictures at her friends BBQ... so at that point I figured she was talking about me on that text, and that it was time to move on... I ignored her for about 3 days txted a few times but I was very cold with her, deep inside I missed her so much...

Until one day she told me look, I've been thinking and we should move slow but I am ready to have a relationship, so once again she got my hopes up and I was back on it, trying to make her happy, talking with her every day, and just being my self. I am a very passionate guy and I treat her like a princess, but I feel at this point I am not getting any affection or any signals back.

I have asked her how she feels and she told me that she likes me but that she won't have anything with me until my divorce is finalized...?

Also on Halloween its her bday as well, and she's celebrating it at a club, and she told me not to feel bad that I wasn't invited, but that day was the only day she got to party with her co-workers and that she needed her space. She told me we could go out on Friday the day before her bday??? Does that make sense?

She also has created another facebook profile for her work only friends because she needs to keep her life and work separated? and today her status change said "omg he says I look pretty even without make up" and I never told her that... and when I asked she told me she doesn't need another stalker bf...

I'm not the stalker but I just don't want someone to play with my emotions, I really like her and feel that I want something more, I feel that she's very special, but in the back of my head everything tells me I am getting played...

So what should I do??? I'm so confused....

-AJ

[lanana.banana]

is she younger than you??
I think that she is probably lapping up all your attention, but only in it for that.
move on, you'll only get more hurt. if she wants a reconcile then say no.
your not going to be happy with somebody who has already treated you this badly

[MerryH]

She's dating/interested in someone else.

The next day she was acting very dry, and I asked her if everything was ok, and she just went off on me saying how I need to stay away from all her friends, not talk to her friends and mind my own business, that she has a very private life and that I shouldn't be talking to her friend and telling her how I feel since that's not going to make her like me any better.

She got pissed at you because after her friend talks to you about how much you like her, she turns around and tells your girl that she's being a bitch for leading you on. That's why she doesn't want you talking to her friends - it makes her look bad.

Also on Halloween its her bday as well, and she's celebrating it at a club, and she told me not to feel bad that I wasn't invited, but that day was the only day she got to party with her co-workers and that she needed her space.

It's because the other guy will be there. He was probably at the BBQ, too. Same deal with the alternate Facebook profile.

I've been thinking and we should move slow but I am ready to have a relationship

she won't have anything with me until my divorce is finalized...?

See that? She's just keeping you around in case things don't work out with the other guy, and she likes being treated like a princess in the meantime.

I'm not normally this cynical when people post problems like yours - people usually expect too much from the people they've just started to date, and they overanalyze every little insignificant detail. I think this is the first time I've said "Yes, this girl is playing you." There are some pretty big red flags here - the secrecy, lying about the BBQ, not inviting you to her "real" birthday party, accusing you of being a stalker when you asked a perfectly valid question about her silly schoolgirl-type status update about another guy, etc. Some of these things would be fine if you two weren't serious and just having fun, but she told you that she wants a relationship with you.

And anyway, you're only four months out of a seven year marriage? Go keep having fun with your single friends for a while.

[epicfail]

Thanks for your advice, sucks I really like her and I can't get her out of my head, but yea there's way too many red flags, and I'm not looking to get screwed... btw she's 23 and I'm 24...

-AJ

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Yeah, she's playing you. Have you had sex yet? I'd say that's all this one is good for, and if you haven't slept together yet, just stop contact.

[Agape]

"when I asked she told me she doesn't need another stalker bf"

Lol, that's a steer clear sign . . . I'd say distance yourself and move on. . .

[epicfail]

Yeah, she's playing you. Have you had sex yet? I'd say that's all this one is good for, and if you haven't slept together yet, just stop contact.

She's probably the only chick that hasn't gave it up to me by the second date, she has played hard ball and since I like her so much I thought that this might be good...

[Poetic_Partner]

Drama queen. Step away. Quickly.

Regarding your wife, you said "I cared for her as a friend but I had to make the decision that she wasn't the woman in my life". So, what ARE you looking for? I'm not going to begrudge you your own preferences and decisions, but I'd take a friend over drama anyday. You sound like you married too young, so there's a lot for you to sort through.