is he waiting for something better?

[cat10]

I am 39 and have been exclusively dating a 29 yr old for 3 years. The relationship is passionate and fun and fantastic - EXCEPT for my concern about our future. He knows I want to get married and has told me he doesn't believe in marriage. He also won't move closer to me cause it would make his commute to work longer, even though I have a child in school close to my place. It seems like if he is REALLY into me and loves me like he claims to, he would make some effort to move forward in this relationship. Is it the age difference keeping him from taking the leap? Or am I just not the one?

[66mustanggt]

i don,t think its the age i think he,s attracted to your age...i,m 42 years old...older women are so sexy...he need to grow a bit more.. a real man would step up to the plate..you are still young your not some old maid..put a time limit on it...see sometimes in relationships we are not honest about what we want and need in the relationship because we are in fear that we may lose our partner...keep it real with him....let him know what you really need from him and if he can,t do it then give him his walking papers...theres a lot of men who want a good woman

I am 39 and have been exclusively dating a 29 yr old for 3 years. The relationship is passionate and fun and fantastic - EXCEPT for my concern about our future. He knows I want to get married and has told me he doesn't believe in marriage. He also won't move closer to me cause it would make his commute to work longer, even though I have a child in school close to my place. It seems like if he is REALLY into me and loves me like he claims to, he would make some effort to move forward in this relationship. Is it the age difference keeping him from taking the leap? Or am I just not the one?

[Agape]

"he doesn't believe in marriage"
"He also won't move closer to me"

I don't think he's waiting for anything "better"? . . .sounds like he doesn't like to commit

[xxazurexx]

You will do until something better comes along.

He'd committ otherwise.

[xxazurexx]

"he doesn't believe in marriage"
"He also won't move closer to me"

I don't think he's waiting for anything "better"? . . .sounds like he doesn't like to commit

He won't committ and because he's not sure about her/thinks something better will come along.

People are not afraid of committment. They are afraid of committing to the 'wrong' person.

[Incognito]

^^^ I think that applies here although I have talked to many people who are afraid of commitment in general.


By him not wanting to move closer (if we're talking apartments and not houses) it makes me think that he's trying to keep a comfortable buffer between the two of you so that he can do other things or so he can make excuses not to see you. Him saying that he "doesn't believe in marriage" is his way of saying that he isn't nearly as serious about the relationship as you are. "I don't believe in marriage" is the biggest cop out statement made in relationships today IMO. That statement should be interpreted as: I enjoy the times we have and the sex we have, but not that much.

[jancsi]

Do not take it in a bad way, but I think, that you need to make a move. Make him realize, what you think, what you expect and if this has some future for you. you deserve it!

[TAVS]

He's not going to commit to you. Either enjoy it while it lasts or move on now.

[xxazurexx]

Incognito;639900Him saying that he "doesn't believe in marriage" is his way of saying that he isn't nearly as serious about the relationship as you are. "I don't believe in marriage" is the biggest cop out statement made in relationships today IMO. .

I knew a guy who told his live in partner, that he didn't believe in religion or God, hence is why he wouldn't marry her.

Funnily enough he believed in God and religion when he walked another woman down the aisle not a year later.

[Incognito]

Hmmm I wonder how THAT marriage ended up? I hate liars and hypocrites.

[hellcat84]

I dont believe in marriage I think the whole idea is out right retarded. my folks have been together for 30 years and I don't know anyone that is as happy and at ease with each other as them, they have been through good times and bad times and stuck it together though a whole lot more shit then allot of the married couples I have seen, I don't know how many marriages I've seen go tits up in my years alone.

Actually when they had me my dad asked my mother to marry him and she said "what" so he kinna got all twisted up, a week went by and my mom met him in the field on the swather "I'll marry you if you want get married, do you want to get married?" Dad said "well I think the whole Idea is stupid but it's what everyone does and I love you". mom said "thank god I think it's stupid too and that was the end of it". LOL the guy at the store said my old man was about the only guy he'd ever seen happy to bring a ring back.

[Incognito]

So your parents are married, just minus the ring. The law would call that a 'common law' marriage.

[girl68]

I'd be willing to bet that if you left him you'd seen his wedding pictures all over facebook in less than a few years.

So yes, I think he doesn't want to marry... YOU. The truth hurts, I think you best move on saying that what you want is what you need and you're not about to "make" him do anything (as in marry you and force him to move). No one wants to be THAT girl...

[Crystal99]

Ouch! I have heard so many stories like this from friends and my sisters. A friend of my sis was with a many for almost 3 years, and he kept saying that he does not believe in marriage. They broke up last year only to get back together a few months later-she hoped that he came around bc he was going to get serious. Well, they broke up over the summer bc "it wasn't going anywhere." Sometimes guys stick around just to have a warm body next to them, something that is consistent I guess. I am in my 20s and would maybe stay with someone for 3 years, but in my 30s, no way! I would probably not stick around so long, not for 3 years. My sis mentors me-she is in her early 30s. You don't have time to waste and it seems like he is wasting it.

[xxazurexx]

I don't think some guys have any incentive to marry and when they get it all without having to marry.

A lot of people shack up and before they marry, have kids, a bed that they share every night with the partner....so why get married??