Suicidal Girlfriend wont respond to phone calls or texts!

[therealjag]

Hey everyone,

I know this post is a coupe of weeks old but i went to visit her at the weekend and she threatened to kill herself friday and saturday night. She didnt end up doing it but says she will. I dont know whether to believe her - i think she's just manipulating me because she says the only way she wont kill herself is if i stop hurting her, and by stop hurting her she means i stop going out, hanging about with my mates and 'lying'.

she's just totally doing my head in and im so stressed out...on friday night she was so angry with me over that incident about when i went out, that she started to become violent and dug her nails right into my arm to the point where it nearly started bleeding (its just turned into deep cuts now and its scabbing over). i had to hold her arms and tell her to calm down just so that she wouldnt be violent...shes convinced i cheated on her because my battery died and doesnt believe a word i say about me just sleeping on my own at my mates...im at my wits end.

i dont think im gona see her ever again, i've had enough. if she wants to kill herself over something that didnt even happen then thats her problem.

[RdHrshyKss]

you shouldn't have seen her this past weekend at all. cut all contact, and do not see her from this point forward. she is a train wreck and will only bring you grief.

[Boscher]

She probably killed herself. Celebrate!

You really are an insensitive asshole.

OP: Contacting her mum was the right thing to do. Maybe contact her close friends too and ask them to visit her. However, do not be baited into going yourself as she needs to learn to be at least somewhwat independant over time..

[therealjag]

you shouldn't have seen her this past weekend at all. cut all contact, and do not see her from this point forward. she is a train wreck and will only bring you grief.

Yeah I know, and thats what I want to do, but for some reason theres a part of me that sill wants to be with her. Its cause when things are good then she can be the most sweetest girl in the world and makes me love her...but then yeah she does have that other side to her which is nuts. why do I feel like that - why cant I just see deep down that she is no good for me...There must be something wrong with me too in some way?!

[RdHrshyKss]

Yeah I know, and thats what I want to do, but for some reason theres a part of me that sill wants to be with her. Its cause when things are good then she can be the most sweetest girl in the world and makes me love her...but then yeah she does have that other side to her which is nuts. why do I feel like that - why cant I just see deep down that she is no good for me...There must be something wrong with me too in some way?!

you are most likely missing the comfort of having someone...not her necessarily. whenever you start thinking about the good times, just constantly remind yourself of her crazy antics. don't contact her at all. it's going to take awhile, but soon enough you'll realize how much better off you are without her.

[doppelgaenger]

You really are an insensitive asshole.

Cheers!

It's from dealing with 'suicidal' people on numerous occasions. Usually they are male friends, but my last ex threatened to overdose on her meds all the time. Out of everyone I know or heard of who threatened to off themselves, NONE of them have killed themselves. Threatening to do this is manipulative behavior, aiming to guilt trip the victim. In other words, they are taking hostage of themselves. On the contrary, I knew three people who did commit suicide. The most recent was about a year ago - my friend drank a whole bottle of whiskey and then jumped off of his apartment balcony - he failed his college graduation exam. I didn't know about it until the next day when I saw forensics scraping his brain off of the pavement. From personal experience, I can say with confidence that the best modus operandi is to not get involved. Someone with a serious intent to end their life is not going to go parading around about it. That said, a person with this threatening behavior is indeed mentally disturbed. Now, I may be an asshole, but at least I am not a presumptuous asshole.

[xxazurexx]

Sir/Madam, I thank you. That is possibly the most accurate thing I've read, ever. It's amazing how many people wave the suicide flag and then never do it. The people who are truly suicidal just do it.

Totally agree.

I am aware of 3 guys who have all hanged themselves over the past 3 months in my hometown alone and NONE of them had mentioned killing themselves and nobody had any clue that they were suicidal. In fact they had appeared happier than they had ever been, prior to their suicides.

My uncle also killed himself a few years ago and again, hadnt said anything nor left any clue that he was about to kill himself - he just did it!!

People who want to kill themselves and genuinely want to end their existence, don't want to be saved from death, which is why they go ahead and just do it....

Threatening suicide should never be taken lightly.....but it's more of a cry for help and this female needs help!

Either that, or she is an emotional blackmailer who threatens to end it, to guilt trip him and to get her own way! This aint the first time she's threatened suicide and she usually threatens it when Jag does something she doesn't like.....like go to see his friends, his family...pathetic! I've been following this story for months.....and if she was gonna kill herself, she'd have done it by now. Only a total fruitcake woman would kill themselves and for such a petty reason.....because the bf has a night out with friends???

I'd ditch the pain in the arse.

[xxazurexx]

Yeah I know, and thats what I want to do, but for some reason theres a part of me that sill wants to be with her. Its cause when things are good then she can be the most sweetest girl in the world and makes me love her...but then yeah she does have that other side to her which is nuts. why do I feel like that - why cant I just see deep down that she is no good for me...There must be something wrong with me too in some way?!

Hard to let go when you still have feelings and there are so many good memories. You could remain with her and allow her to keep you caged up, not allowing you to have friends, see your family etc, etc....but what kind of existence would that be for you? It may make her happy having you under lock and key 24/7, , but I doubt you would be happy.

It's a no win situation you are in IMO.

[Agape]

You stay with her, she'll use you . . . you leave her but still talk to her, she'll use you . . . .you cut her out of your life, priceless.

[RdHrshyKss]

^^^i really like that lol

[therealjag]

Hard to let go when you still have feelings and there are so many good memories. You could remain with her and allow her to keep you caged up, not allowing you to have friends, see your family etc, etc....but what kind of existence would that be for you? It may make her happy having you under lock and key 24/7, , but I doubt you would be happy.

It's a no win situation you are in IMO.

Oh man yeah you're so right. Man I wish I was single again like I was before. I remember when I did used ot be single I'd be sitting sometimes thinking how nice it would be to have a gf who gets me and someone to share stuff with etc...I wish I could go back in time and tell myself not to go with this girl cos she's totally messed my heart and my head up. I think circumstances like having to live in another city and stuff during our relationship hasnt helped but its just been mad. I now realise though in the future that I should follow my gut instincts and if something smells like a fish, looks like a fish and tastes like a fish...then its probably a fish! You might not get what I mean so if you dont I'll explain if you want!

[xxazurexx]

^Yeah I get what you mean. Guess most of us have thrown caution to the wind and went ahead and got involved in something that didn't seem quite right. Know I have anyway and more than once :|
I learnt though that if something doesn't feel right, it's because it isn't right and I'm outta there like a hare rabbit, lol. You can save yourself a lot of grief and you follow your instincts.

I honestly can't see that your relationship will ever improve or be the relationship you want it to be. She has issues and mega ones and until she gets and agrees to some form of counselling, you can expect more of the same behaviours, constant threats of suicide to guilt trip you. It doesn't get any better with time Jag, it will get worse

[therealjag]

She has issues and mega ones and until she gets and agrees to some form of counselling, you can expect more of the same behaviours, constant threats of suicide to guilt trip you.

Yeah well she has been seeing a counsellor for a while but recently she has been seeing a new one and it feels like she's made things worse. I think its cos basically she said to my gf that she allows my "wayward" behavior and lets me get away with things like go out with my mates and not consider her feelings. So then her counsellor said that she should do something about this so that I dont go against my gf's word. Then by listening to her counsellor, my gf interpreted this in a messed up way by saying to me "unless you do what I want I'm gona kill myself"". Her logic is so messed up. I'm sure thats not what her counsellor was trying to tell her, but thats what she's ended up doing. The other day I was trying to figure out why she's doing this and she said "I cant walk away from you cos I love you too much and I dont want to love anyone else so if you werent in my life anymore I'd just kill myself". What can anyone say to that - in my opinion that is just so messed up.

[xxazurexx]

I think its cos basically she said to my gf that she allows my "wayward" behavior and lets me get away with things like go out with my mates and not consider her feelings.

I reckon the counsellor needs counselling too. Since when has a night out with mates, visiting the family been classed as 'wayward' behaviour.

I reckon you should go together to counselling and to a new one and a reputable one.

How much is she paying to see this one? 1p an hour??...lmao

[therealjag]

yeah true. I was hoping the counsellor would say to my gf thats its normal in an adult relationship for a bf or gf to go out and spend time with other people - that it would be completely healthy. But instead, the counsellor just see's my gf's 'pain' and agree's with her behaviour.

I was actually thinking about phoning her counsellor up today and ask her how and why she has driven my girlfriend to act suicidal. I hope by doing this it doesnt encourage the counsellor to make things worse out of resentment of me telling her how to do her job, but honestly I cant see how things could get any worse that they already are.

And just to clarify, she's paying her less than 1p an hour, its a free service at her college. Infact, I dont even know if her counsellor has any psychiatric (spelling) certification or education; i should probably check that out, now that I think about it!!