"Your SO nice"

[patrick74]

A general consensus, do most women in their 30's appreciate and want a "Nice" guy?

I'm kinda in limbo between friends & dating someone. We're both in our 30's, she's been hurt in her past and I think for the most part most men have looked at her as a trophy.

She's been fairly up front about not ready to date anyone, but we've been spending more and more time together and we get along wonderfully.

Few weeks back she told a close female friend of mine that "He's just so sweet and nice to me and everyone seems to like him".

A week ago I met her best friend a younger gay guy, I treated him just like anyone else and while he was nervous to meet me I think I made a good impression? I figured if she was good friends with him, that I'd get along just fine and we did.

Last week I did or said something while we were on our way somewhere and she 1/2 mutters under her breath "You're just so nice to me", she looked like she was going to melt for a moment and I think it caught her off guard when she said it out loud.


She's scene me around enough people and other people have told her that I'm a genuine person as well to know it's not an act when I'm around her, but on the other hand I don't know if she really knows how to feel about actually being treated decently.


I really don't know and don't want to be the proverbial jerk, but that's what it seems like so many women react to and respond to. You all seem to want a project, but I would think you'd reach a certain age and just want to be treated well. I want to step things up with this girl, but don't want to push her away either.

[Boisdevie]

Impossible to say what it really means. Might mean she likes you but that's all that she feels. OR it means she thinks you're nice and wants to take it further. Could go either way. Just spend time together and go with the flow. If she's had a bad time she might think she's not ready for another relationship but if she meets the right person (perhaps it's you) then she'll probably go for it. Sometimes when women say they're not ready for a relationship it means you are not the one for them and they are trying to tell you in a gentle way.

[xxazurexx]

do most women in their 30's appreciate and want a "Nice" guy?

Well I do. So long as he aint an overly soppy romantic who bows to my every whim.

But women are different. Some seem to love being treated like shit.

[YouAreBeautiful]

ce guy comes off as weak. I think girls want a man to be a nice guy in the relationship, but in the wooing stage we want someone who we perceive as strong and independent.

[Poetic_Partner]

IMHO the problem with nice guys getting women isn't that they're nice or that they are unwilling to play "the game". It's often (from what I see at least) that they think nice guys should project non-sexuality. That it's impolite to be sexual.

A nice guy who is comfortable (and reasonably open) with his sexuality is a killer combination in the dating pool. You don't see many of them, though, because they get snatched up quickly.

-PP

[Agape]

"nice" doesn't mean "passive" . . .you need to be assertive and sexual, you need to make yourself like dating, sex, or relationship potential.

[hellcat84]

I've never picked up a girl by being "nice", never. I don't understand it and I have tried it many times but it's never worked for me. whenever I do it I always end up with a girl that calls me two months later to talk about her boyfriend thats a "total ass" and what she should do. I've even picked girls up dated for a few months and then tried shifting toward being a nice guy, within a few months they either break up with me or I find out their cheating on me. I've never been able to understand it but If Im attracted to a girl "nice" isn't what I try to give off it just doesn't work. Sometimes it actually kind of pisses me off I mean the one time this girl I used to date was giving my buddy advice on how to pick up a girl and she told him that he should be nice, sweet etc and I told what are you talking about that never works for me and it wouldn't have worked on you. All she said was that I was different, I still don't get it.

[JELEF]

Perhaps it's an issue with your interpretation of what 'being nice' entails.

[patrick74]

Haven't been on here in a week or two, still nothing really new to report but I've backed off some and she's been going through some work issues and I've been busy with other things and friends in my life.

I know I've not come off as sexual in the past, but this girl is different. We're touchy feely to an extent, haven't spoken about either or our own sexual relationships and I'm not the type of person that even wants to know who or how many people some gal has slept with and I'm not about to share my own experiences. As long as someone is clean, that's all I'm concerned about. We've joked about different things though and when another mutual friend of mine (female) has been around the conversations usually becomes NC-17.

Think I've discovered the real reason this girls somewhat apprehensive. Again I know she was hurt and apparently really hates being set-up and pressured in anyway but I now know of at least three different mutual acquaintances that have told her that she'd be a fool not to be dating me. Her best friend told me the other day when she wasn't around that they thought we'd be great together and how much she thinks of me. Her friend also said that if someone it didn't progress that this girl would wake up someday and see what she actually missed a chance at. Made me feel good coming from someone close to her. I was careful not to say anything back that I wouldn't want to get shared as I know it will be, but I also mentioned that while I was in no hurry to rush things that I wasn't going to just keep hanging around in hopes of something happening. Must have worked to some extent as I had a nice visit with her today?

Think she's feeling pressured from others and not so much from me?

Try to lay low and see if she comes around. Last few times we've been around one another I've been polite, but fairly blunt.


I'm not in the situation that I'm desperate for a date. I get approached often enough, but I'm too picky for my own good and not just interested in casual dating anymore. Got tired of that whole scene and the drama that goes with it. Now after damn near 20 years of dating, I think I've found my perfect match and we're in some weird limbo.