Don't know how to initiate sex?

[IamTHATguy]

Ok, first of all, i'm not a virgin, i'm 21, and came out of my only proper relationship last month.

I guess it's fair to say in the bedroom, i'm not the most confident of guys in the world, but i'm not exactly shy.
I'm seeing a new girl, she's been to my house a few times where each time we've just chilled out and watch telly, however, the last time she came round we got much closer and passionately kissed quite a lot, it got to the point where i was feeling her bum, breasts, and she was feeling my body and stuff.

So, you'd think that would just lead to sex? It's up to the feeling point where i don't know where to go, or even what she wants from me, so it's really hard.

The question "does she want sex with me yet?" also dawns over me during the time, i don't want to make a drastic move where it just makes it really awkward between us two.

Just need some advice on how all this works really!

[vashti]

you don't have to jump straight to intercourse... you can move somewhat forward by kissing naked breasts, touching naked genitals, and then eventually oral.

[Poetic_Partner]

"...It's up to the feeling point where i don't know where to go,..."
A good verbal query is the old chestnut "I want you sooo bad!" She'll know exactly what you mean and you will have given her permission (even requested) that she take the lead for a moment.

"...or even what she wants from me..."
Here, you have to ask. ie "Is there anything you want from me sexually right now?" - though be prepared for her to throw it right back at you. If she does, "Would you go down on me?" or "Is it okay for me to go down on you?" would move to the next step.

And don't worry about the whole virgin thing at all. At your age, she likely either is as well or was just a couple years ago.

-PP

[Incognito]

^^^ Had he been from the US I'd have disagreed. I remember a comedian joking that these days a virgin is an ugly third grader. I laughed but then realized how nearly true he was. Its quite disheartening.

To the OP: Poetic_Partner is right. Communication is the key. Either come out and ask her before anything happens or give her a cue as he pointed out.

[vashti]

"...It's up to the feeling point where i don't know where to go,..."
A good verbal query is the old chestnut "I want you sooo bad!" She'll know exactly what you mean and you will have given her permission (even requested) that she take the lead for a moment.

"...or even what she wants from me..."
Here, you have to ask. ie "Is there anything you want from me sexually right now?" - though be prepared for her to throw it right back at you. If she does, "Would you go down on me?" or "Is it okay for me to go down on you?" would move to the next step.

To be honest, I think I would be a bit turned off by this, considering they aren't lovers yet.

[Boisdevie]

Do NOT ask - listen to the sounds that she makes, feel how she reacts. Go a little further and see how she reacts. Take it slow and sensual.

[Incognito]

Really? If they are kissing heavily and feeling each others' bodies? You'd be turned off after getting hot and heavy with a guy if he said "I want you so bad"?

[vashti]

Really? If they are kissing heavily and feeling each others' bodies? You'd be turned off after getting hot and heavy with a guy if he said "I want you so bad"?

yeah, I think so. It comes off a little bit like begging, and I would worry that whining would follow..

[IamTHATguy]

That's my problem, I'm not confident enough to say that to her, whether that is the right or wrong thing to do, i could have done that with my EX, but with her, sex was just a normal thing and we did it when pleased. Obviously im not as confident with the girl im seeing as it's only been a month.

I guess i just don't want this girl to be thinking "god, whens he gunna' make a move." and just get fed up!

[Boisdevie]

Listen. I have made love to my current GF lots of times. We just know that when the moment is right we make love. We do not ask each other if we want to make love we just get it on. Don't over analyse all this bullshit. Go with the flow. Cool. Sensual.

[vashti]

I think you should progress at whatever pace you feel comfortable with, unless she stops you. Just wear a condom.

[RdHrshyKss]

stop worrying so much! take it slow and go only as far as you are comfortable going. it's not like she asked and you said "no, i'm not ready". if she really wants it, and is ready for it, she'll probably make the first move anyways. girls are more interested in guys who don't rush things and who feel like a bit of a challenge. just go with the flow and things will happen naturally. then hopefully you'll become a little more comfortable/confident with her and be able to initiate later.

[Incognito]

Honestly it did come off more as rapist advice. You even retyped the statement and you don't see how it looks as though you are saying "Cavemen didn't ask for sex they took it. They were REAL men and you need to be like them"? Perhaps you should have simply said:

.....telling the OP to be more aggressive with women bc they are attracted to confident men.

like you said above. Actually even that is bad advice. There is a huge difference between confidence and aggressiveness.

[Poetic_Partner]

Apple,

I don't think you were purposly encouraging rape, and I read it as "man up and make a move". However, at the same time I know not everyone would read it that way. Imagine a little boy-man who doesn't yet know much about sex other than orgasms feel good. Such a guy could easily see that as saying "don't take 'no' for an answer - regardless". IMHO, ill-worded.

-PP