Why won't he sleep with me anymore?

[Confused:-/]

Hi guys,

I could really do with some male advice!!....

I've been going out with my boyf for over 4 years now and he says he still loves me etc...however the passion has TOTALLY gone! We only kiss when we get in from work and before we go to sleep and there is NO intimacy! In fact we haven't slept together for over 2 years now!!!! I haven't seen anyone else and have just put up with the fact that it is not going to happen anymore and I'm pretty sure he isn't seeing anyone else as he doesn't go out except for work!...(he smokes weed by the way, so he hardly ever goes out!)

Just under two years ago it didn't bother me as girls can go for longer than men it seems, however after a few months it did begin to annoy me so I tried it on with him but he pushed me away! At the time I asked him why and he just said he wasn't in the mood, so I left it! I continued to leave it and ocassionally tried my luck but to no avail and he always stopped me before I could get close to him and he never explains why??....

Anyway, here I am now over 2 years later and still no hope of it sparking off again, its so upsetting and I don't know how much longer I can put up with this?? I have even given up asking him what the problem may be as he never answers and just gets cross! What is wrong with me? I really want us to be intimate again as I miss it, if he says he loves me why won't he be intimate with me anymore?? What can the reason be??......People say I'm attractive and slim, and quite a few men do approach me to ask me out when my boyf is not around (I obviously turn them down as I love my boyf). I have a good job and lovely friends - I'm really confused, what could be the reason???? Does any guy have any ideas why he would not want to sleep with me anymore and not even talk about it??

Sorry to ramble, I'm desperate for an answer and don't know where else to turn!...thank you all in advance for your help!

Love,
Confused :-/

[Sonrisa]

obviously he is not interested in you sexually anylonger, and can't say it's your fault. it's time to find someone who is more compatible with you before the time runs out.

[Agape]

No sex for 2 YEARS?! . . . relationship for 4 years?!

Seems like he's replaced you for weed - personally, I'd move on and try to find someone compatible.

[IncognitoSir]

Although I do 4-2-0 myself I must say it does negatively effect your sexual performance and possibly sex drive over time, especially if he smokes a lot. I'd bet thats part of the problem but it also sounds like he's depressed too! I had a friend in college who smoked a ton and ended up having sex problems with his chick. (he was depressed, admitted to it) Just like people who drink while depressed, people smoke while depressed and it only makes matters worst. He needs to lay off the ganja and put forth some effort to address his problems or else I'm afraid you're going to need to consider your options without him. This will be no easy task. G'luck

[Evalyn]

I know this is for asking males but I have to say I went through this EXACT scenario with my last boyfriend... 4 years together, 2 of them he didn't sleep with me.

Really it has to do with the connection between you. He's not feeling it anymore and im sure you two are comfortable so there's no passion or drive from him to try to "get" you. My ex and I finally broke up cause he was depressed (and thats probably the culprit here) and he got some help. No more than a month after it was all of a sudden ok to have sex with me.

I'm pretty sure it doesn't have ANYTHING to do with you and is completely him. He probably has some deep personal issues that he cant deal with. Honestly if I could do it all over again I would have left him after a few months of no intimacy as it really is a form of mental/emotional abuse. Instead I did exactly what you are doing now, seeking help via a forum. The advice was to break up with him, and I didn't. I regret that decision. I'm sure you probably love him too much to be the one to call it off but for me personally, I was really depressed while I was with him and once it was over and I went through the mourning of the relationship I was much much happier.

My advice to you, get him to seek help or call it off... sex is a primal human need.

[Confused:-/]

Hey,
Thank you for your advice! He has been smoking the nasty stuff for 10 years I would say as he was smoking well before I met him, he does seem very addicted! We have talked about this and he did say that he would give up when we moved in together but we have been living together for 1 year now and still no sign of him stopping!...I really don't think he is going to address his problems so I guess I'm gonna have to start thinking about moving on??!!...it will be tough! :-(
Thanks for your help!

[YouAreBeautiful]

He may just have a low level of sexual desire, or it could possibly be the drugs influencing him. It could also be a cause for the weed causing all of this, for example dissatisfied with his life or depressed possible. I would decide how important this is to you and when you figure it out let him know his options. I'm really sorry for you. It is clearly not your fault.

[Incertus]

You need to have a heart to heart with him, and deliver to him an ultimatum that he gives up the weed or you leave. There are a whole range of issues going here, but if a guy stops wanted to have sex with you anymore then alarm bells should be going off in your head. I'm sure this is painful, but as someone posted above, this is really like a form of abuse/neglect that will only continue to eat away at you. Good luck and I wish you the best.

[Poetic_Partner]

There's a couple other possibilities to add to the list.

Could be erectile dysfunction. If he has trouble getting an erection, he may find it easier to pretend to not be interested in sex (something that would be under his control) than to confess to ED (something he can't control without meds).

He could be gay too, and decided that even if he can't yet come out at least end the charade of being attracted to women.

Is everythinng okay emotionally? If not, he may be hiding some serious resentment that is killing the mood for him.

First order of business is to have a talk with him about it.

-PP

[66mustanggt]

no sex for 2 years wow

[Agape]

Hey,
Thank you for your advice! He has been smoking the nasty stuff for 10 years I would say as he was smoking well before I met him, he does seem very addicted! We have talked about this and he did say that he would give up when we moved in together but we have been living together for 1 year now and still no sign of him stopping!...I really don't think he is going to address his problems so I guess I'm gonna have to start thinking about moving on??!!...it will be tough! :-(
Thanks for your help!

well the fact he's not addressing his problems is reason enough to leave him

[LostOne]

break up w him

[hellcat84]

My guess is depression, when I had it it totally killed me I went a year and a half no sex and no interest totally numb to the world. I actually came home on new years to find a girl in my bed that was stopping through town and wanted to cheer me up because she knew I was down, I sent her home and thats unheard of for me. Thats the only thing that has ever done anything like what your speaking of to me.

[newcity2010]

Does him still kiss & cuddle you?Does him love you very much still?
There is something called Madonna–whore complex

and here is what on wikipedia
Psychology
According to Freudian psychology, this complex often develops when the sufferer is raised by a cold and distant mother. Such a man will often court someone with qualities of his mother, hoping to fulfill a need for intimacy unmet in childhood. Often, the wife begins to be seen as mother to the husband—a "Madonna" figure—and thus not a possible object of sexual attraction. For this reason, in the mind of the sufferer, love and sex cannot be mixed, and the man is reluctant to have sexual relations with his wife, for that, he thinks subconsciously, would be incest. He will reserve sexuality for "bad" or "dirty" women, and will not develop "normal" feelings of love in these sexual relationships. This introduces a dilemma where a man may feel unable to love any woman who can satisfy him sexually and is unable to be sexually satisfied by any woman whom he can love

This is a big problem if you are seeking marrage and it very common in marraged couple

[alphadave]

hi there ,
I totaly understand how you feel i have simular probs with my girlfriend,
but shes gettin counciling tto try to sort it out,and if your fella wont even make steps to sort his probs out hes not concidering your feelings,
it took a lot of argueing and talking till she finally understood how i felt only now has she made an effort to sort it.
listen i know how harsh it is to love some one yet feel so unwanted by them or having a relationship were it feels cold and emty due to the lack of passion and that warm loving feeling that comes with sex.
any ways if you want to talk pm me x