He's In Rehab

[lovebird72]

I have been dating my guy for a few months & we dated many years ago as well. We've had an intense few months as a couple, this month in particular, b/c...well, he's in rehab for PTSD (military service). It's an open rehab and we're able to text, talk on the phone and visit...which I have done the last few weekends. I could go into all the anxities I have over txt messaging & how much I miss him, but I want to address a specific problem. On Fri night I visited him & we had an amazing conversation where he poured his heart out to me. He's never had a problem doing so before, he's very open/honest and forthcoming, but Fri was more intense & he finally said out loud that he is really into me, wants to keep dating me, and is curious to see where we are headed as a couple. (We also snuck off and had sex...our chemistry is off the charts). However, Sat, he came down w/a terrible sinus/upper resp infection...and he's been down w/it ever since.( He's not faking, I heard his voice). Over the wknd our contact was limited b/c he was sleeping round the clock, still he managed to txt me a few times every day, but no phone calls (unusual). The last day or 2 he's been a little better, & he's attending his groups/meetings in rehab (they schedule him 7am-9pm)...so again, very slow on the txting (normal). I always txt him 1-2x a day...first thing in the a.m. to encourage him for the day..& later if I have something to tell him. I usually let him take the lead b/c of his crazy schedule. NOW, I'm trying to be rational about everything, but b/c of the intense convo...and then 4 days of very limited comm...I'm starting to worry that he's pulling away just a bit. Am I crazy? If he is pulling away does it for sure mean, "It's over"? How do I proceed? I cannot stand to play games, but I don't want to come outta nowhere and ask him. Esp if that thought hasn't even crossed his mind. Could he truly just have been SO sick (or babyish) that the effort to call was too much? It's a touchy situation b/c he's in rehab & trying to focus. I don't want to ruin our potential by being the crazy lady. But I'm suddenly in fear. Help! (BTW-All his txts have been as sweet as always-no change there).

[vashti]

Why are you bothering him when he is in rehab? He is supposed to be addressing his issues, not trying to placate yours.

[lovebird72]

Because he's asked me to be around for him. And the truth is...I tell him NOTHING about what I'm feeling. As far as he knows, I'm nothing but a pillar of strength and calm. Unfortunately for me...I'm suffering (too) under the pressure of the situation and I can't/won't share it with him b/c I KNOW he's got to focus on himself. I don't actually plan on saying anything to him...I was hoping to hear, from a man's perspective, whether or not it sounds like he's pulling away (I'll let him go)...or if I'm just a crazy girl cracking under the pressure. I don't "speak" guy...so I was just asking for help. I appreciate though, your chastisement...really it was so helpful.

[RdHrshyKss]

keep it to yourself, you are definitely overreacting. he's going through some shit right now that has no relation to you. he needs to concentrate on himself. you bringing this stuff up will only complicate things and distract him. if he meant what he said, things will progress when he's done with his treatment. if he was feeling vulnerable at that particular moment and was projecting those feelings onto you and the relationship in order to feel better, well you'll figure that out when he gets out. but for now, you need to just give him time and space. continue doing things as usual and be patient. the last thing he needs is a really clingy, needy gf.

[lovebird72]

Thank you for your reply...that's actually helpful to hear. I am definitely not going to bring it up to him...that's why I'm here (seeking advice from strangers...lol). I feel strongly for him, and right now his needs come before mine.