I've fallen for him, he cares for me but still feels for her :'(

[Huggles]

I've always suffered self esteem issues so took me 7mths to actually meet up with a guy had been messaging/ chatting to all that time. I was scared. I've now been in touch with him a year, we have contact on a daily basis and i know he cares for me but he admitted to me he had feelings for an ex that won't go away. He's said he has no intention of being with her as he wasn't good enough before and she's not interested anyway, though he hasn't told her how he feels. Basically they were together from school and she got back in touch in March saying they were good friends. She has a kid from someone else. It rips me up inside cos have seen pictures of her and she's slimmer, tanned and prettier than i feel i am so i can't compare :'(

He's said if i'd met more and spent more time together his feelings could have developed more. That had been the plan but then he sprung this on me and it's knocked my esteem back further. I sooo want to spend time with him. We get on well and know if she'd never been involved we could've been great.

It hurts so much and we've tried stopping contact but can't. We're there for each other when tough times and we support each other. If i knew he felt nothing for me i'd know to walk but he does. I try to not think about her to go see him but it gets in my head n i feel crap and even if we did get together properly i'd always wonder if he'd prefer it to be her or if he was thinking of her. He's a lovely guy and he's sorry for way he feels just can't help it like i can't help loving him. He won't delete contact with her though which shows she means more.

I just can't be without him in my life cos it hurts yet it hurts this way too. We've gone over n over things looking for solution and have gotten nowhere.

Any advice?

[66mustanggt]

okay...if she was that important he would be with her....look take a chance...thats what love is all about...love is not safe...you have to put your heart out there..if you want real love...i,ve been married for 6 years and i love my wife very much but there are still women in my past that i have feeling for...this doesn,t mean that i want to be with them or i would leave or cheat on my wife with them...it just means that we had a past togather...this what your dealing with is small...love always wins....

[Huggles]

But he loves her! How can i compete with her?

[Huggles]

I've always suffered self esteem issues so took me 7mths to actually meet up with a guy had been messaging/ chatting to all that time. I was scared. I've now been in touch with him a year, we have contact on a daily basis and i know he cares for me but he admitted to me he had feelings for an ex that won't go away. He's said he has no intention of being with her as he wasn't good enough before and she's not interested anyway, though he hasn't told her how he feels. Basically they were together from school and she got back in touch in March saying they were good friends. She has a kid from someone else. It rips me up inside cos have seen pictures of her and she's slimmer, tanned and prettier than i feel i am so i can't compare :'(

He's said if i'd met more and spent more time together his feelings could have developed more. That had been the plan but then he sprung this on me and it's knocked my esteem back further. I sooo want to spend time with him. We get on well and know if she'd never been involved we could've been great.

It hurts so much and we've tried stopping contact but can't. We're there for each other when tough times and we support each other. If i knew he felt nothing for me i'd know to walk but he does. I try to not think about her to go see him but it gets in my head n i feel crap and even if we did get together properly i'd always wonder if he'd prefer it to be her or if he was thinking of her. He's a lovely guy and he's sorry for way he feels just can't help it like i can't help loving him. He won't delete contact with her though which shows she means more.

I just can't be without him in my life cos it hurts yet it hurts this way too. We've gone over n over things looking for solution and have gotten nowhere.

Any advice?

[Huggles]

I've always suffered self esteem issues so took me 7mths to actually meet up with a guy had been messaging/ chatting to all that time. I was scared. I've now been in touch with him a year, we have contact on a daily basis and i know he cares for me but he admitted to me he had feelings for an ex that won't go away. He's said he has no intention of being with her as he wasn't good enough before and she's not interested anyway, though he hasn't told her how he feels. Basically they were together from school and she got back in touch in March saying they were good friends. She has a kid from someone else. It rips me up inside cos have seen pictures of her and she's slimmer, tanned and prettier than i feel i am so i can't compare :'(

He's said if i'd met more and spent more time together his feelings could have developed more. That had been the plan but then he sprung this on me and it's knocked my esteem back further. I sooo want to spend time with him. We get on well and know if she'd never been involved we could've been great.

It hurts so much and we've tried stopping contact but can't. We're there for each other when tough times and we support each other. If i knew he felt nothing for me i'd know to walk but he does. I try to not think about her to go see him but it gets in my head n i feel crap and even if we did get together properly i'd always wonder if he'd prefer it to be her or if he was thinking of her. He's a lovely guy and he's sorry for way he feels just can't help it like i can't help loving him. He won't delete contact with her though which shows she means more.

I just can't be without him in my life cos it hurts yet it hurts this way too. We've gone over n over things looking for solution and have gotten nowhere.

Any advice?

[nightmarexxx]

hmm... thoughtful,its very familiar to me,a girl said that she loves me but i i have been loving someone else.I had to say many bad words,lies etc... then i regretted because we are not even friends now.Dont expect much,so it wont hurt.Just leave it to course of action,try not to be jealous or angry with him.You dont have to be with him.He s not the only one around-in case if he is not fully involved... Dont worry.You will be fine.

[Huggles]

He's only one I love!

[IncognitoSir]

He's only one I love!

Hate to burst your bubble......but it's not love. (ie: I love him, but I'm scared to meet with him??????)

[SapphireBerry]

Hate to burst your bubble......but it's not love. (ie: I love him, but I'm scared to meet with him??????)

you said it right Incognito.

you can't love a guy who you're too scared to even talk with or meet up with him. you do have a few self esteem issues
it is clear, maybe you should try working on those and fixing those up before you start jumping head first into the guy pool

[lovebadger4]

Very similar scenarios have actually happened to me several times. In fact ive been going through this again and discovered it would benefit to get into a relationship with some other girl than the girl ive been heavily infatuated with.

Theres not much you can do at this point, I would keep hinting you are still interested in a relationship but respect his at the same time. You need to try to detach yourself more and find some guy to hang out with. It may make him jealous (dont count on it though) and would be good for you to have someone to be with.

Good luck

[cho]

loving someone should be a glimpse of heaven and not of hell...

[Agape]

so what's the situation between you two? . . . just talking to each other? . . . is there any sort of relationship? have you met him in person?

[vashti]

But he loves her! How can i compete with her?

You can't, darling. He's not over her yet. Don't let yourself get emotional over him, or you will be shredded. I think you should tell him you need to cut contact until he is finished pining away over her, and tell him to give you a call when he is.

[Huggles]

Yes we've met. Haven't seen him in mths as he told me about her and i've seen her pics and feel too crap to face him atm. I guess alot of it's down to my own self worth. If i could go see him again and spend time together we'd get on properly but i feel too fat n ugly compared to her :'(

[Huggles]

I can't not contact him though, have tried.