Already been intimate/sexual, now she wants to “wait”. Not sure what to think.

[MikeBarrow9]

I started dating this girl about a month & half ago, we’ve slept together three times, first time was a month after we started dating.

Even after the first time she joked about how she couldn’t believe how she gave it up like that, making it seem like she rushed it.

She was over last week and I was trying to be intimate with her again. We were touchy and in the bedroom but she said she wasn’t up for having sex. She further went on to say how she has a lot of things on her mind with family, friends and work and that she wasn’t in the mood, which I acknowledged and left as is.

After we started talking she said how she felt like she rushed into have sex with me and that we should wait a bit before being intimate again, in that she needed to feel comfortable (in a mindful/sober state I assume). It also came up that she thought part of her wants a relationship now but another part doesn’t think she’s ready for a relationship now (she kept the tone neutral, mentioning a relationship in general, not a relationship with me).

I’m left a little puzzled, part of me certainly understands her logic behind saying that in that she wants to take it slow because she likes me, and where this is going and doesn’t want to rush it for the chance on what it could turn into (or is my thinking wrong here?). The other part of me doesn’t understand because if there was a strong bond/connection and since the ice is already broken she should feel the desire to want to be intimate again (as I do).

We have tentative plans to spend the next weekend at a B&B, so one thing that she may have mentioned was that she wanted to save things for that weekend, but again looking to have the rationale explained to me here.

[66mustanggt]

games games...don,t send the weekend with her put her on (TIME OUT)..let her get her head togather...don,t let this start to be a habit with her...give her somtime to her self...she will come back in line

[MikeBarrow9]

I thought it would be a good idea NOT to go away next weekend. I guess it is also safe to say I shouldn't rush things and make plans to hang out with her again soon either. Let her get back to me?

[vashti]

What? You LIKE her, but you are going to stop hanging out with her because she wants to slow down?

I think if you do this, she will cut all contact with you. If she is slowing down the sex because she is remorseful about doing it too soon (and worried about looking like a slut), your pulling back will only tell her that is true. If that is the message you want to send, then by all means, be my guest. But if you actually want to continue seeing her, you had better demonstrate that she didn't make a mistake in having sex with you in the first place.

[MerryH]

Yeah, what she said. ^^

And why would you not go on this weekend trip when she's hinted at getting intimate then? Unless you couldn't handle it if nothing happened, why not just go, have a good time, see what happens? If I'm understanding right, she was drunk when she slept with you before? Or whatever it means to be not "in a mindful/sober state." Give her a chance to start it over and see if she really likes you when she's sober.

[Boisdevie]

What the hell is wrong with having sex? Sounds like she has problems. I'd be tempted to really cool off with her. OK she may have problems with other parts of her life but why should that affect how she is with you? Making love should be a good thing.

[MikeBarrow9]

Events have changed to where we are not going to spend the few days away in wine country next weekend because she feels as though it is too soon. I understand where she is coming from and I relayed that to her. But that leads me to think about what's going on now?