I'm so confused. Help Please!

[Banjoman]

So I have a situation that is rather complicated. I'm going to try to be as brief as possible. I have a very close friend that I've been very close with for 8 - 9 years. About a month ago she told me that she loved me and that it was deeper than just "I love you man" like friends. We both have had things for each other on and off since high school but I was really into the idea this time that we should try this. So the next day we went to the movies and then two days after that she came with me to see my band play and we kissed there for the first time. Two days after that she texted me real late at night and said she loved me but was scared of losing me.

I waited almost a week to bring the subject back up but I finally did because I was kind of hurting. She told me that she really did love me but didn't want a relationship. So I thought we were just going to be friends. I was a little hurt but I was ok with that because I really do just want her to be happy. A week later though she texted me from her job at the movies and said that she really needed a hug. I had to give her back a ring anyway, and I still cared more for her than a friend so I went to her theater at 10pm when she got off and met her by her car. She promptly pulled my arm around her and kissed me. I went home feeling pretty happy.

The next day of course she texted me again and said that she shouldn't have done that and she couldn't be with me because she didn't want to lose me as a friend. So I again was hurt but understood and wasn't going to push the issue. The next day she invited me over to kill some time with her. We ended up in her bedroom listening to a cd and cuddling on her bed under the covers. That still had me confused but I was convinced we were still just friends. Two weeks later I finally hung out with her again (we're both really busy at different times) when she came with me to see me play music again. She promptly grabbed my hand while I was waiting to go on and asked me to kiss her. I did because I still care deeply for her. Later on that night when I was taking her home she invited me in and we ended up making out on her couch.

So now I'm confused. If she is so worried about our friendship and doesn't want to be with me why is she always all over me? I haven't made any of the moves in this situation because I'm trying real hard to just be her friend. I kind of want to talk to her about it and find out but I don't really know how to approach the subject. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

[Apsagni]

Ask her. She tried to flee something and just have what she wants when she wants ( I understand well I did the same), but if you don,t stop her, she will always play this game and both of you will suffer to not know where you are going iwth that story. Make it clear and before youask her, ask yourself what do you really want from her, a friend or more?

[Poetic_Partner]

I would take a different spin than Apsagni - though that advice isn't bad either.

I wonder what would happen if you said some version of:
"Listen - what we have going here is more than friendship. That's obvious and you can't deny it. Friends don't kiss and cuddle and say 'I love you as more than a friend'. I also understand that you don't feel comfortable calling what this is a 'relationbship'. Well, why do we have to call it anything at all? Whatever it is, why don't we just enjoy it and talk about terminology and limits after we've gotten to know each other better in this new way."

Only go down that road, though, if YOU are comfortable with it.

-PP

[Apsagni]

Absolutly agree with that!

[Agape]

Whatever you do, you need to put your foot down and make it strictly friendship or strictly relationship . . . none of this back and forth stuff, it will only add confusion

[Banjoman]

Well I just talked to her. Thank you all for your responses. I basically told her that I definitely don't think of her as just a friend, and haven't for a while. She said that she is still scared of what might happen. I told her that maybe we should just see where this takes us for a while and she agreed. So now I at least know that we are definitely not just friends. So yay! Thanks again.

[Poetic_Partner]

Congrats on this first step and good luck for the next.

-PP