Completely Heartbroken - I don't know what happened

[Bry121910]

Ok, so I'm new to this, but I feel I have nowhere else to turn to get some kind of advice or just to tell my tell of sorrow. This diatrode may seem to go on and I may seem to repeat myself, but my love for this woman goes deeper than anything I have ever experienced.

I began dating a woman with whom I worked with who had a daughter, our relationship was amazing. We never argued, we got along perfectly and we always talked about the future as if it had already happened, it seemed like we had know each other forever. I fell in love with her daughter and thought of her as my own, there is nothing I wouldn't do for her little girl. Well, she ended up being let go from the job for some unethical office politics, and I was there for her the whole way. I stood by her side and helped her out at every corner. She always made it a point to tell me how important I was to her and how much she loved me and couldn't wait for our future together. Still everything moving along perfectly, no problems, just the occasional alone time to ourselves. She eventually found a new job roughly 2.5 months ago and it seemed as if everything was finally coming together, that we could continue moving forward with our lives together. Well, Labor Day weekend we spent the entire weekend together. We had dinner with friends on Friday, then out for drinks. Saturday we met some of her friends and watched some football and then went to dinner. Sunday we drove out to college station, I met and ate lunch her old boss and with some of her daughters fathers family, then we picked up her daughter and drove home. We got dinner, then I went home and we had our alone time that Monday. That Tuesday was our anniversary, so I sent her flowers, she called me and said she loved them, and that she was going to put them next to her favorite picture her daughter drew of the three of us together... I gave her a hint in the note with the flowers to guess the engagement date, it was a game we played, and she played back with me, trying to guess. (The date was supposed to be 12/19/10) I thought things were wonderful. We saw each other only one time the rest of the week and she seemed distant and in a bad mood, but I didn't think anything of it, she had a long day and had interviewed for a different job that she really wanted. I hung out with her for a while and then went home, I was to have surgery on Friday. That Thursday we got into an argument because I asked when she was going to come by after my surgery and she said she wouldn't see me until saturday... I was upset and didn't understand, we argued a bit, but we decided we were not going to fight about it, she'd be there....

Well, Friday rolls around, i go to have my surgery and she never comes by or calls me directly. I was out of it on pain killers so i didn't worry much, then saturday she called to ask how i was doing and all that chit chat, i asked when she'd be over, she said latter but something seemed wrong with our conversation... After we hung up i called right back and asked what was wrong and she told me she wanted to break up with me because she needs time and space... She never explained anything more to me... A week and a half went by without much communication, then one friday we began talking and she said we'd go on a date soon, she didn't want to be hasty, I asked her about the date comment the following wednesday and she got angry with me and basically halted all communication with me since then. Recently I haven't talked to her in 2 weeks giving the space she needs and we have an innocent chat on FB, it goes well, but I notice that she has deleted pretty much any remblance of me from her existence... The next day I ask her why and she goes off. She tells me I need to let go. That I need someone who can love me. That in her space she realized that she didn't want to be with me and that she would never be with me again... All thru e-mail... I made the mistake afterwards of asking her mom for guidance/advice, of course bad idea, it got back to her and she's even more angry with me. She says we can not be friends and has completely elimnated me as a friend and even blocked me on her FB account... I don't know what happened... I don't understand...

Our relationship was the best thing I've ever been a part of, we talked of the future together, not just one of us talking about it, it was something we both created. She told everyone we know, including our parents that we would be married and all of the good things that come with it, she made everything known to everyone. We looked at houses together and engagement rings. Everything was perfect in our world I thought until one day out of the blue she dumped me and now seemingly hates my very existence. I did nothing but treat her and her daughter like they deserved to be treated. They were my world and it seems as if my world has been destroyed.

I haven't seen either of them in 2 months in my attempt to give the space she needed, each second of those 2 months has killed me a bit inside... And to find out yesterday, that she will never be with me again has completely broken my heart. I thought we'd be back together, i never doubted it for a second, and now all I can do is rehash over and over... How does someone go from thinking you are the best thing in the world, professing their love for you to just breaking away from you. I completely sold my heart and mind out for this woman and her daughter, and now I am in complete dissary. I am not myself anymore, it takes an act of god literally to get me out of my bed... Can someone help me understand? I will answer any questions that need to be asked, but I need help understanding... I am crushed by this and I feel like I will not be able to overcome this. I Love this woman with all of my heart and I would give my last breath to ensure her and her daughter were taken care of for eternity... What happened? How does this happen? Someone help please??? I am at the end of my wits and want her in my life forever, I want the future we created. It feels like I'm not missing a past relationship, but I'm missing the future we created... Help...

Sincerely,

Heart-Broken

[lynnietx011]

God. just reading your story just completely pisses me off. How can people tell you that they love and you talk about your future together and than just be so damn cold? I'm new to this as well and I'm so lost. So i don't have answers, sorry. Yesterday i was a complete wreck and today I'm just pissed off. Just wanted to say that you"re not alone.

[kake224]

my guess is she's afraid of commitment and she freaked out. Which makes sense if she has a kid from someone else. And if she's not able to be honest with herself about it then she won't be able to with you either. If it were me, I would try to write her a letter lay it all out one last time. Tell her how you feel but tell her that you will leave her alone if that is truly what she desires. Because you have to move on for you own sake if she's not able to commit.

[Bry121910]

Well... I finally figured it out, yet still don't understand. I had a friend give her a letter explaining the way I feel.... It got her to call me and she told me that she was never in love with me (very confusing from any conversation we had) and that I was to close to her daughter, that should be her fathers job (by no means was I trying to replace him, I was trying to be her little girls friend)... so I don't get it still, but I can close the door. I'll never speak to her again, that is what she has decided. In my mind I think she used me to get her own self-esteem to a better place and once their she was done with me. I'll never get any of it because I can't see how people can say things like she did and not mean them, and then say the heartless things afterwards. Her saying she was never in love with me really knocked me down a notch... I feel I lived a lie and I was the only one not in on it. Thanks everyone who took the time to read and offer opinions it was really appreciated...

Bryan

[carl1222]

I don't buy any of it. Such an abrupt change of affection has to have a concrete cause. It's not "cold feet" because you have talked (joked) about engagement for a while. It's not (just) "I never loved you" because she was very affectionate toward you days before she shut you down. Such an abrupt change for no apparent reason usually means that something is going on in her life and heart that you are unaware of.

I don't know exactly what happened, but my best guess is that it somehow involves her daughter's father. My suspicion is further aroused by the fact that you all met with her daughter's family just before the breakup, and her comment about you not being the "real father" of her baby.

What's her relationship with her babydaddy? Is it possible that they reconnected?

Carl.

[Bry121910]

You may be on to something... She's still close to him and his family. I never had a problem with that. I think your're right, looking back if i was around and so was the dad, she wanted to play with me. She even talked about me to her dad as far as I know. Another thing is that just before the breakup, he did come into town from college station for their daughters open house, i was going to go if he didn't make it in, but he did. Then, well all hell broke lose i guess you could say. I must definitely have a lot to do with that. Like I said you may be on to something, but you'd think if you loved someone, you'd want them to love your child as their own... Whatever, I'll never understand b/c she'll never give me a real answer. I'll leave her alone, then maybe one day she'll realize the great guy that she's throwing away...

[eonbar]

mate that really suck. i can completely empathize with your last paragraph of the original post. "How does someone go from thinking you are the best thing in the world, professing their love for you to just breaking away from you." and "I am at the end of my wits and want her in my life forever, I want the future we created. It feels like I'm not missing a past relationship, but I'm missing the future we created... " pretty much sum up where im at too.

like you im lost so can't really advise you what to do ...
i just wanted you to know it sucks and im sorry for you.

[Bry121910]

Wish I could help you too... If we get a better understanding of other people we'd all be better off or all be honest with one another. I'm right there with you.

[girl68]

I think Carl is onto something. It unfortunate but there isn't anything you can do keep your head up the days will get easier eventually.

[YouAreBeautiful]

Give it time. I have to agree with girl68. It is sad, this is one of those tough breakups that happen now and then. Allow yourself to grieve a little bit. Think about how to improve in the next relationship. Human hearts a resilient, you will love again. The heart is stronger than the mind. You may think you can't love again but your heart will rule =)

[humili]

Well, I just came out from a broken relationship and I feel you should stop asking answers and just let it pass for the moment. You are suffering inside. True love stays and protects while weak love just fades, that is what I told myself always! Hope it helps!

[Iliveinoblivion]

I completely empathize with you. I wish you read my story. It´s called I didn´t have closure. It´s a similar case.