I hope this is the right place for this, if not please direct me.
My girlfriend and I are in a very serious relationship, I am 20 and she is 21, we have been together 3 years and most likely will marry after my college career is complete in another 2 or so years. We knew each other a year before that. It's also a long distance relationship but we have done very well so far.
Anyways my gf doesn't have many friends sadly to to her shyness, she has one male friend she met online 3 years ago around the time we became a couple. I didn't mind really but about a year ago after my gf visited and she left her email open and in it she had saved some IM logs. This guy was flirting heavily with her. Very suggestive very obvious comments. He wasn't subtle AT ALL. She did nothing back or anything and I got over it.
Well we spent the summer together and I got curious and checked her chat logs. Now now I know this isn't right, I violated her trust and I should not have done it. But anyways these logs date way back and much of the same. All through the relationship he had been like that except for a brief period when he got married and later divorced.
Well again she hasn't returned any flirting or anything but she doesn't really stop it either. She claims she just ignores it. I have been concerned however as I find they have had like 400 + texts between each other a month. She also told me that he is coming down on vacation with his family and wants to meet her at a local tourist attraction there (don't want to give away location for privacy reasons) and spend the day together. Lunch, a movie that kind of thing.
And tonight I find he even called her and they talked on the phone for a few minutes.
Part of what really bothers me is this guy for one reason or another openly hates me, and has even told her if he saw me he would try and kill me. What bothers me more then that comment is she doesn't even bother to defend me. I saw the chat logs and basically she just ignores it or barely says much to it. She claims she doesn't want to start a fight. This hurts me because if anyone said that about her I would probably stop being friends with them. Why be friends with someone who has no respect for your SO? At the very least I would defend her. I told her how uncomfortable I am about all and it just upsets her.
I fully admit I have my own insecurity issues and have made many mistakes, but am I wrong to be concerned about this? She claims he has no interest in her whatsoever, I honestly think that it is so obvious he wants her. Why else would he do all that?
I trust her but I am very worried about what this relationship is becoming. So again I ask, am I being completely unreasonable as she thinks, or do I have a right to feel concerned and that the boundaries of our relationship are being violated?
Thanks for any help...