Why the games?

[BreakingPoint]

So, I wouldn't expect everyone on here to have read my other thread. But short story : I'm having issues with the GF, we've been together for 4 years, and we're giving it 1 more try....

Now, tell me why, some days she's withdrawn, and barely talks to me, and other days she's so over the top in love for me I don't know what to do with myself.

We get on pretty well as friends, but there seems to be something lacking in the relationship.

I'll give you 2 examples :

Last night, I got home from work, and she pretty much didn't say anything to me, went to bed, and left me to my own devices. This morning, I wake up and she's full of joy, giving me kisses and hugs, telling me how perfect I am and how she wants to spend her life with me.

this happens a lot. Blowing hot and cold. I'm not up for it, and just want to know where she stands.

So, ladies. Why the games?

[girl68]

Perhaps she's got real chemical imbalance and should see a Dr. If it happens ALL the time I doubt it's a game.

[oneandonly]

Has she been always like that through your 4 years relationship or is it something new you experience during this 1 more try period?

I did read your other thread.

What are the exact deal breakers of your gf? Bearing in mind that everyone has faults, a little annoying habits and all, I mean 'what are the real deal breakers'?

If you were my bf and knew how you were feeling, I would let you go. Shame your gf is not doing that. Perhaps you should be honest and tell her how you feel about your coworker. You seem to have a craving to test what's out there. You haven't had many girls. You will always have that craving until it's explored.

[BreakingPoint]

The exact deal breakers....

Ultimately, I think we want different things right now in life. She's getting ready to settle down, and I'm not. On top of that, although we're good as "friends" - we don't actually have any kind of friendship together. We rarely do things together, and when we do, they seem like a chore. I know everyone has little annoying habits and all, but some of hers make me frustrated instantly. (Like calling her mum every time she needs some info, and completely rejecting anything I say on the matter.)

She has said that she thinks I want to be single, and perhaps we should move out, and live in separate homes but still date. I've given up a music career to be in the relationship, (well, perhaps not given up, but have not been able to pursue it due to the amount of time I invest in her) - And I guess I just missed out on my childhood, and am now in a full on relationship.

She hasn't always been like this, either. Only since we last chatted.

[xxazurexx]

I didn't get around to reading your other thread yet but:

I have odd days when I can be feeling down and withdrawn, then the next day feel on top of the world. I'd have thought that was pretty normal and most everyone has off days and good days??

Sounds to me that after 4 years together the novelty and newness has long worn off and you are both stuck in a rut. Neither of you makes an effort to improve the relationship and I'm not sure that you want to improve it. The vibes I get from you, is that youi feel stifled in this relationship and you'd rather be out of it than in it. If that is the case, then perhaps you should end it for good.

[phys251]

Perhaps she's got real chemical imbalance and should see a Dr. If it happens ALL the time I doubt it's a game.

I was just thinking the same thing. Maybe she's bipolar and needs to have someone take a look at it.

[oneandonly]

I was just thinking the same thing. Maybe she's bipolar and needs to have someone take a look at it.

oh no lol that's not it. They are just going through a breaking point. She is insecure. He is what she wants but he can't give her what she wants right now. She knows it yet clings to it with little hopes hence why she is hot and cold cos she knows the inevitable but has no courage to act on it.

OP why don't you end it and put her out of her misery? You obviously don't have much understanding as to what she must be going through since you interpre her insecurty as she is playing a game.

[RdHrshyKss]

i agree with oneandonly. she sounds like she is dealing with the idea that you guys might not work out. she wants it to work, which is why she probably acted all nice the next morning, but it seems like you are not very aware of her feelings/thinking. either it's because you guys are disconnected or it's because she never communicated them to you properly. either way, i think you should put her out of her misery. it sounds like things suck pretty bad with this yo-yo-ing back and forth (hot one minute, cold the next), and nothing good is going to come out of you being close to your coworker. i think what you need is to be single, i don't think there is anything she can do right now in this point of your life that would change your mind. it sounds like you already resent her for preventing you from doing things you want to do. end it and move on...stop wasting your time and hers.

[phys251]

oh no lol that's not it. They are just going through a breaking point. She is insecure. He is what she wants but he can't give her what she wants right now. She knows it yet clings to it with little hopes hence why she is hot and cold cos she knows the inevitable but has no courage to act on it.

OP why don't you end it and put her out of her misery? You obviously don't have much understanding as to what she must be going through since you interpre her insecurty as she is playing a game.

Yeah, that's possible too. Relationships where one partner is clinging to the other are almost never healthy.

[RdHrshyKss]

it definitely sounds like she's clinging...not necessarily to you, but to the idea of you guys being together. you really need to end this OP. it's not fair to be pulling her along anymore. you aren't happy, and i don't think she is either. but she's sticking around because you haven't made a "final" decision and it's to her advantage to try to make things work since she doesn't have a backup waiting for her like you do. you've been with her for 4 years, i'd hope you'd have a little more respect for her than what you are doing. you need to let her know that things just aren't working and make the appropriate plans to do it amiably, so it's easiest on both of you. if you keep dragging it out, she's eventually going to find out about the other girl and it's going to make shit a whole lot harder for you...