Value

**Syph** · 06-11-10, 06:10 AM

[PLEASE READ THE START OF POST #9, IGNORE THIS POST]

I don't like myself at the moment. Do not assume that I am depressed, because that is not true. I don't feel valuable to anyone. Social standing and reputation have become very important to me over the last few years, however, I am something of a drifter and an individual. I cannot rectify this now, but I hope it is the source of the problem.

A relationship is the solution to my problem precisely because it is undeniable proof that I am valued by people not related to me by blood. More importantly, I am valued as a man and this would complete my transformation from boy to man. I can only assume that my ego would grow outwards and I would achieve mental maturity as well. To me, my first romantic experience would give me the surge of confidence I need to be more optimistic.

Is this a delusion? Do I need a fresh start to remove my reputation as a drifter? Is social image as important to romance as I imagine?

**girl68** · 06-11-10, 06:21 AM

Don't bring a partner into your personal misery- hows that far to her. You're using her solely for your own personal gratification, that's a terrible reason for a relationship.

**Ariadne** · 06-11-10, 06:25 AM

I agree with girl68. Besides, it doesn't sound like your problem is that you're not appreciated by others--it's that you don't appreciate yourself. You won't be happy in a relationship until you're happy on your own (cliched as it sounds, it's true) and bringing someone else down with you will hurt both of you that much more.

**Syph** · 06-11-10, 07:21 AM

Thanks to you both. I wish I had a solution to that problem, thus far I have been feigning confidence. I just don't know how to build it. I work out, I take care of my appearance. What else is there to do?

**Ariadne** · 06-11-10, 07:46 AM

Have you tried reaching out to people? Doing random nice things for strangers? Asking your family and friends how their lives are going and offering advice for any problems they might have? It might not really help for everyone, but I know I feel better about myself when I help someone.

**girl68** · 06-11-10, 07:49 AM

Counselling. If you feel you've done all you can, feel no shame in seeking those qualified to help you. At least you're taking a step in the right direction and that speaks volumes.

**MerryH** · 06-11-10, 10:27 AM

Are you not valued at your job? Even if your job is completely shitty, you're still serving a necessary function. If that's not doing it for you, do some volunteer work. I can guarantee you that your contribution to a worthy cause would be appreciated. Helping the poor, elderly or disadvantaged youth is pretty undeniable proof that you'd be valued by people.

With your current attitude, you don't sound like you'd be a very good partner, so I'd suggest working on other things to make you feel valued first.

**sweetkissesforu** · 06-11-10, 10:54 AM

With that attitude you will end up alone wtf
We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person
perfectly."

**Syph** · 06-11-10, 06:05 PM

After sleeping on it, I feel I have come to the wrong conclusions about myself. I don't really hate myself, I just hate being lonely. I am a very successful student and have my whole life before me, but loneliness is eating away at me. I am a social person and being alone is difficult for me to handle. I turn into a zombie: work, videogames, cook dinner, tv, bed.

Rather than feeling unvalued, I feel alone. I can't think of any solutions to this problem because I have been betrayed by so many people I have cared about.

This "betrayal" began with friends turning to bullies and ridiculing me. I was to slow to make witty comebacks and ended up just taking it. Then I had a house party, everyone had a great time. Slowly, after the event I realised that people didn't like me more, they just liked using my house. Other parties occurred and I was invited to one or two. Then I was shunned but constantly asked to throw parties. As such, I can never trust people to be my friend. To them I am just a person who can be manipulated by the kindness and friendship he desires.

Originally Posted by Ariadne

Have you tried reaching out to people? Doing random nice things for strangers? Asking your family and friends how their lives are going and offering advice for any problems they might have? It might not really help for everyone, but I know I feel better about myself when I help someone.

I've lived that part of my life. Never again, it lead to ridicule and bullying because I couldn't stand up for myself.

Originally Posted by girl68

Counselling. If you feel you've done all you can, feel no shame in seeking those qualified to help you. At least you're taking a step in the right direction and that speaks volumes.

I don't think loneliness is a problem they can solve. It's a problem that only my peers can solve. As I have said above: I don't hate myself.

Originally Posted by MerryH

Are you not valued at your job? Even if your job is completely shitty, you're still serving a necessary function. If that's not doing it for you, do some volunteer work. I can guarantee you that your contribution to a worthy cause would be appreciated. Helping the poor, elderly or disadvantaged youth is pretty undeniable proof that you'd be valued by people.

With your current attitude, you don't sound like you'd be a very good partner, so I'd suggest working on other things to make you feel valued first.

Read the new passage above. I wasn't thinking straight about my problems last night.

**MerryH** · 07-11-10, 03:08 AM

Originally Posted by Syph

I don't think loneliness is a problem they can solve. It's a problem that only my peers can solve. As I have said above: I don't hate myself.

Counseling isn't just for people who hate themselves. If you have issues trusting people and standing up for yourself, it could help with that.

Are you in college now?

**Syph** · 07-11-10, 05:40 PM

Originally Posted by MerryH

Counseling isn't just for people who hate themselves. If you have issues trusting people and standing up for yourself, it could help with that.

Are you in college now?

Yes, there are counselling services there. I've just been too embarrassed to go.

**girl68** · 08-11-10, 02:10 AM

^ Me too until I said EFF you all. I'm going because I'm better than letting my mind waste away my life. Best decision I ever made and not a single person has mocked me either. In fact I've received praise that I'm bold enough to go.

**MerryH** · 08-11-10, 03:51 AM

This bullying happened before university, like in high school or earlier, right? There is a huge difference in maturity in college. A group of college friends are not going to act the same as your group of high school friends. You're not the same as you were in high school, either. I'm sure you'd be much better at standing up for yourself now.

Most people move past the pettiness of early teenage years. You should, too. Not everyone out there is going to screw you over. It happens, but everyone deals with that. Would you rather deal with the slim chance that someone will betray you someday, or do you want to be lonely forever?

Now get off the computer and go spend some time with people.

**VincenzoG91** · 08-11-10, 04:17 AM

Do some volunteer work. You will help people, feel better about yourself and maybe make some new friends.

Thread: Value

Thread Tools

Value

Posting Permissions