Friends to More-than-friends. Need advice on how to go about this.

[SlurJur]

I recently reconnected with a guy from highschool whom I had a major crush on for that time. It never "happened" because I was insecure and we were just friends. We reconnected about a month ago and went to dinner alone and then to a party. It was easy, very fun, and one of the best nights of my life. We were (in my opinion) very flirty and had some great conversation and a slightly drunken time... but nothing "happened."

This guy is really an amazing person... I find him very interesting, sweet, attractive, and just wonderful. We've been talking some since that night (he goes to school two hours away, while I am in school near his parents, so he does come back.) and it continues to be flirty... "I miss you" and "Come visit me" are just some of the phrases.

How does one know whether they are on "friends" boundaries or not? On one hand I am hesitant to make a move or start the conversation because I don't want to lose a friend if he is not interested in me like that. But on the other hand, what do I really have to lose, because it's driving me a little crazy having these feelings for him that I can't act upon.

I'm not usually one to come to forums for advice, but I don't know what else to do... and having some advice from guys sounds like a great tactic; you would know. Thanks in advance.

[Applesauce]

95% of guys want to bang their female "friends." I'm confident in saying you should just go for it

[SlurJur]

Thanks Applesauce. But, as I am the 20 year old virgin and we are both Christians, I'm thinking it would play out less as a "lets f***" and more as a "relationship" (not in the super-serious let's get hitched way, but like... dating?)

[Applesauce]

SlurJur says:

"Thanks Applesauce. But, as I am the 20 year old virgin and we are both Christians, I'm thinking it would play out less as a "lets f***" and more as a "relationship" (not in the super-serious let's get hitched way, but like... dating?)"

and this changes what? Regardless if he acts on impulse or not, he still wants to f*ck you which means he wants to go out with you

[SlurJur]

[blent]

SlurJur says:

"Thanks Applesauce. But, as I am the 20 year old virgin and we are both Christians, I'm thinking it would play out less as a "lets f***" and more as a "relationship" (not in the super-serious let's get hitched way, but like... dating?)"

and this changes what? Regardless if he acts on impulse or not, he still wants to f*ck you which means he wants to go out with you

I wouldn't say it's that extreme... but yes women don't understand how much power they really have.

[msingell]

some may disagree, but i say talk about it. you dont wanna make a physical move and think....what did it mean to him? me? us? this scenario can get bad fast. you gotta know how someone feels. i like your idea about approaching it from a potential relationship angle. when you talk it over and see where you both stand, then you can make a move, if necessary.

[SlurJur]

Scenarios:
1- Both get drunk enough and I make a physical move... see where that leads.
2- Wait til we are alone... car, restaurant, etc. and bring up how I feel. See how he feels. Let him know it's not pressure, I just have to get it off my chest and feel like I'm being dishonest by not saying anything. See where that goes.

Pros/Cons about the scenarios? I'm definitely not able to think this through in a constructive way. (Or, rather, any other scenarios. Ha. Lets talk details.)

[msingell]

dont have the start of whatever this is be a drunken session. talk to the guy and see wheres he's coming from. he may be up for a drunken move, but you wont be sure of anything other than you were both drunk and willing.

[Applesauce]

^^^ horrible advice. Leave the silly mindgames at home. If a girl was telling me about a guy she likes, guess what? I would lose interest bc I would think <surprise> she already likes another guy

[SlurJur]

I'm not sure a pretend crush is the way to go... A guy has been persistently asking me out and I told him I am interested in someone else (truth!). He immediately backed off and I saw him last night with another girl. That's not what I want to happen with me and the guy that I do have feelings for!

[YouAreBeautiful]

Before I even read your last post on the topic I thought no way. If a man is seemingly flirt, takes you out, you both seem to have a great time, and he makes no follow-up move, let him go. He is not interested enough or has complications in his life, usually other women. Good luck finding a great guy!

[jaymichal]

well that's very interesting

[newcity2010]

I was the same at 20 years old, it better falled in love than never loved at all. I do wonder sometimes, which is more hard work? the demanding day to day job or dating?

[FoxFace]

Well I had a somewhat similar situation, although...well, I'm a guy and my friend (girl, obviously!) have always flirted with each other, quite playfully most of the time. I always questioned her feeling about me, and well, she came overnight and some quite ****ed up shit happened. But we're still friends, just abit of fun. (to my dissapointment, she doesn't want to take it further, although Iv'e always wanted to start seeing her.)