Please convince me this man is a jerk!

[ssh]

So I've been seeing a guy for about 11 months, we were a bit serious in the beginning but then he thought I wanted a serious relationship and ditched. I explained to him then that that wasn't the case and we've been friends with benefits since.

I don't have true feelings for him, however I am "intoxicated" and I need a wake up call so I can just forget him all together, 'cause in my head I know he is a jerk but I still deny this in my heart and continue to be friends with him.

So, here's a list from my HEAD, to why I think he is a jerk, please confirm if you agree with me or if you have any other inputs!

• I woke up one morning next to him, crying. He sat up, asked me "what's wrong", I said "nothing", he said "ok" and went back to sleep. I asked him about this later, he didn't remember me crying, he was basically sleeping when he asked me. Then he asked me why I was crying, but it felt like he didn't really care about the answer so I lied.
• Sometimes he doesn't respond to my messages, but thinks he has the right to be annoyed and/or upset if I act the same way.
• He talks about private intimate stuff we've done in front of his friends
• I always feel worse after I've been with him, than before seeing him. He makes me feel bad about myself, I feel like he's too good for me somehow, my self esteem and confidence drops to the bottom.
• New years eve I was sexually assaulted by a guy. A couple weeks later I met him (the one this post is about), and he was the first guy I wasn't disgusted by, and he met me when I really needed a male friend the most. I got attached and intoxicated by him as he was the first one I was intimate with afterwards and he made me not feel disgusted by myself, it was like therapy. I didn't want a romantic relationship but I needed the intimacy and the friendship. And then he just took off and all the scars from new years just tore themselves right up. I never told him about this - do you think I should?
• He "accuses" me of having sex with one of his best friends. But every time he says it it's kind of jokeful, but I think he means it, and it annoys the hell out of me every time he brings it up and he doesn't trust me when I say I haven't.
• He has serious commitment issues, I'm guessing from past relationships where his girlfriend cheated on him. But I mean, like, he can't even connect to someone on a friendly level, I don't think he has any close female friends. He told me a bunch of things in the beginning, which is why our relationship meant so much to me, the guy confiding in me, trusting me instead of acting superior and heartless which I felt all guys were being after what happened to me. He told me about his mother dying when he was little, he told me he never met his biological father and about his girlfriend cheating on him. Why do you think he told me this?
• He's basically never nice to me anymore. We meet alot, we have mutual friends that we both hang out with.
• He's arrogant, selfish, homophobic (it's an issue for me, yes), careless, cold and he lacks a conscience

Despite of all of these things, and lots of other stuff that make me dislike him, I can't stop the feelings of lust. I just start having these extremely nurturing feelings when I'm with him, I want to take care of him, I feel this weird kind of affection and I don't know why...

But I DO know that I don't, deep in my heart, have any true romantic feelings for him, so how do I let him go? We're friends with benefits like I just said, but I'm thinking that I should just stop. But how?


THANKS GUYS!

[jaymichal]

well that's very interesting

[FoxFace]

Sadly, i'm addicted to a girl the same way, she just makes me feel special.

[VincenzoG91]

His behavior is lousy, but adequate for an FWB situation. He's rude, and he doesn't bother to hide or improve upon his worst qualities, but why should he? He's getting laid, and that's all he wants from you. I don't know why women settle for this crap, but it is what it is.

Also, your communication needs a lot of work. Crying and refusing to explain why you're crying is total B-S, nobody is going to read your mind. Have you told him why his jokes bother you? Have you told him about the assault? Have you tried talking about your feelings again?

[devonbrown]

If a guy makes you feel bad about yourself and you wouldn't even be friends with him if it weren't for the fact you already know him. Then get rid of him. You may be feeling the nurturing aspect because you feel he's a wounded animal, and you want to help him. He's not looking to be helped or to be changed. If you two are friends with benefits right now, then it shouldn't be tough to drop the benefit part.

[newcity2010]

You need to move on...he is destroying your spirit

[LailaK]

Lust is not a good reason to stay with someone. What if you met someone you really liked who could be good for you? Wouldn't you want the pathway for that relationship to be drama free and clear?

I'd rather be single than be with someone who treated me like crap kind of, but I understand not all girls are like that.

Also, have you gotten help for your assault? I'd recommend talking to someone about it. Some women get in bad relationships after they've been assaulted because they convince themselves that they can't do/ don't deserve anything better.

[YouAreBeautiful]

He sounds like he is definitely not relationship material. I don't want to say that he's a bad guy and you shouldn't be with him. It does sound like he has serious issues and you should decide if you are prepared to deal with those and what you want in a relationship. See if he fits in with the results you come up with.

[Rupiruu]

hey, This man is totally disrespectful towards you! come on discussing your intimate times infront off his friends is firstly not on! I'm sorry that you've been having a rough time, especially after being assulted, but being with this guy is not going to make you feel any better! maybe you should look into seeing a counsellor?
Lust is perfectly natural, but surely you could maybe start something up with someone else if that is the case? someone whose not going to make you feel so lousy?
whenever i'm in a bad situation with a man, i try and think of it as what if this happened to my best friend, would I want her to be/stay with someone like that? You'd love her/him that much that the answer would be no, so love yourself just as much!
I was in a simillar situation with my ex for a long time, and wasted too much time analysiing the situation, when end of day he wasn't right for me, which this guy isn't for you. break away from him and the situation! And you should start feeling better in no time, hopefully...
Good luck R x

[StillInShock]

This man is a jerk.

[damn2010]

First off, I think you need some therapy or counseling about your sexual assault. Going to this guy is NOT RIGHT as he's already displayed he's socially immature about personal details. He's using you as a sexual and emotional crutch, and taking advantage of getting laid. He reels you in with his personal thoughts and feelings to make you BELIEVE you have closer ties with him. And his tales about not meeting his father and a previous cheating girlfriend show that he has issues himself.

Another thing, do NOT tell us guys that "nothing" is going on when something is. This is like the #1 mistake women makes with guys is thinking we are emotionally "in-sync" with how you are always feeling. It can take a LONG time for us to know when our partners are upset or whatever. So for the future, please work on communicating your honest feelings. And make sure we're fully awake too...I don't remember somethings when I'm woken up either.

[help_me]

u already said u wanted a guy to have "frndz with benefits" and thats what you are getting. expecting anything more is mere foolishness on ur part.remember "no one can make u feel inferior without ur consent".
as per the question u asked, girl u have already stated ur points more or less.. take some time and go thru them a few times...and maybe this will help u make a firm decision.

[surfhb]

Just my opinion bsed on how you write, but you BOTH sound like Assholes. Break it off and find someone who's good for you

[Lovehelper]

Jerk definitely...