Several issues with my wife.

[Incendax]

My relationship has several issues which I would like to discuss on this forum.

Issue 1) Every week we invite some of my wife's friends over to play games and hang out. I moderately respect these people but would not consider them my friends. I play host and make sure they are suitably entertained. However, my wife also likes to go visit friends she has not seen in a very long time which is quite reasonable, except she expects me to hang out with these people I barely know or respect for upwards of six to eight hours and I am forbidden from bringing a book or laptop because it would be 'rude'. I have spoken to her about my issue but she becomes angry and will make vicious and/or demoralizing comments towards me.

Issue 2) My wife seems to have some pretty strange expectations of being married. She will often start on personal projects without consulting me and then become angry with me when I do not assist her with these personal projects. For example, she once decided to compare the sale prices of clothing items across multiple stores and asked me to look them up for her and write down the prices. Since I had no interest in doing comparison shopping for her, I politely declined. She did the task, but she became angry about it and made vicious and/or demoralizing comments towards me.

Issue 3) My wife was raised in a verbally and physically abusive household, so she has become a verbally abusive person. At first I was very patient about her need for support and careful handling but as time has gone by, despite my best intentions, my patience has run out. I have spoken with her about the issue, read books about the issue, and even gone to marriage counselling about the issue. Inevitably she slides back to making the same vicious and/or demoralizing comments. More importantly is that I find myself increasingly returning the vicious and/or demoralizing comments. I know this is absolutely wrong, but being the bigger man has gotten me absolutely nowhere and this at least feels cathartic even if it is self destructive.

[misombra]

Do you have kids?

[doppelismyfriend]

My initial suggestion is to cut out her tongue, blacklist her on Gmail, and throw away your cell phone. You can be sure you won't hear any of those comments from her after that.

However, if you're a lower-class family and can't afford Bounty paper towels (they truly are the best) and a sharp knife, you might consider sitting down with her and asking her how she would feel were you to reproduce the same behavior.

If she's unwilling to change, save some money and reread my first sentence.

[Boisdevie]

Leave her?

[Ariadne]

Ask her what's really going on to make her so resentful of you. She won't tell you exactly but hopefulyl you can cut through the bullshit ans see what she really means.