Is it acceptable behavior ?

[Charlie Boy II]

I would warn the girlfriend that I wasn't willing to go out with someone who insists on dirty dancing with random guys. It's a matter of degrees, there's no right or wrong, that just represents the limits of what I'm willing to tolerate. On the other hand, I wouldn't mind if my girlfriend likes to dress up and go out clubbing, whereas some guys hate that.

Anyway, the ball's in her court then. Once I've made the boundary clear, it's up to her whether she wants to cross it or not. If she does, I'd leave the club straight away, and then I'd break up with her.

That's it TomerT, there's no magic solution. It's just a balance of what you're willing to accept and how far she's willing to limit her behaviour.

[TomerT]

Make sense...Thanks

[carl1222]

As Charlie Boy said ... it's really entirely up to you what you think is acceptable behavior. She's a self-admitted attention junkie and while she may get better with some maturity, she's not likely to change in a big way very soon. So you have to decide whether you can live with her extreme flirtatiousness, and if you believe her when she says she doesn't do it out of disrespect. What others may think be damned! My two cents is that she should be more respectful of your feelings ... but if she isn't, it's a flaw you have to either accept or reject.

If this is a compromise you can live with, stay together. If it isn't, maybe she is not the right girl for you.

[TomerT]

As Charlie Boy said ... it's really entirely up to you what you think is acceptable behavior. She's a self-admitted attention junkie and while she may get better with some maturity, she's not likely to change in a big way very soon. So you have to decide whether you can live with her extreme flirtatiousness, and if you believe her when she says she doesn't do it out of disrespect. What others may think be damned! My two cents is that she should be more respectful of your feelings ... but if she isn't, it's a flaw you have to either accept or reject.

If this is a compromise you can live with, stay together. If it isn't, maybe she is not the right girl for you.

Thanks, I am just trying to find a thin line between "setting a boundaries, self-respect" and "being controlling, insecure and clingy"...

[Poetic_Partner]

LOL - that's a real-life example of an old, old, OLD saying. Been used in countless country and pop songs.

"All that matters is if she leaves with the guy who brings her" and variations thereof.

-PP

[vashti]

Bottom line "Charlie Boy II" - how would you solve this situation ? "Dumping" is the easiest, not the "smartest" solution I think.

I don't think you should do anything. If you wait long enough, she will do it herself. She is going to eventually dump you for someone she can respect.

[TomerT]

I don't think you should do anything. If you wait long enough, she will do it herself. She is going to eventually dump you for someone she can respect.

I want to notice - that she does show her respect under other circumstances. No complains there. Flirting and "dirty dancing" is the only issue that bothers me.
May be this is some kind of "kink" - she mentioned few times that she likes watching me with other girls and would like even to try to involve other couple into our bedroom...

[Applesauce]

TomerT says:

"she says to me, that she is "only having fun", she knows what she do, that I'm controlling her, jelous for no reason and have no reason to be upset ("it's jelousy eating your mind")"

this is a common tactic females use to manipulate the situation in their favor. Rather than accept that what she did is wrong, she is trying to guilt you into excusing her behavior by making you feel like a bad boyfriend. The reality is the situation had nothing to do with jealousy. She disrespected you by flirting and dancing inappropriately with other men. For fukc sake, another guy had to come up and tell you your girl was all over his friend. Not only has your girlfriend shown she doesn't respect you but she is also a manipulator. I would boot her ass to the curb

[Nimrod44]

I want to notice - that she does show her respect under other circumstances. No complains there. Flirting and "dirty dancing" is the only issue that bothers me.
May be this is some kind of "kink" - she mentioned few times that she likes watching me with other girls and would like even to try to involve other couple into our bedroom...

Well there's the answer to why she is doing this. She gets off by watching you with other girls. She probably thinks you would get off by watching her with another guy. She wants to try a foursome? She's testing out targets and your ability to accept the idea.

[carl1222]

I want to notice - that she does show her respect under other circumstances. No complains there. Flirting and "dirty dancing" is the only issue that bothers me.
May be this is some kind of "kink" - she mentioned few times that she likes watching me with other girls and would like even to try to involve other couple into our bedroom...

Oh, wait a minute ... she wants to be a swinger ... now it sort of makes sense.

Swingers are by nature exhibitionists. flirtatious and (obviously) sexually adventurous. Maybe she's trying to bring her "vanilla" boyfriend into the lifestyle!

Two of my best friends (a couple) run swingers' parties (socials) and I've met hundreds of swinger couples. They are a fun group.

Find a social in your area, and take her there for New Years!

Carl.

[RockNRoll]

Why are you not dancing with her all night yourself???
People are different, but I (girl) would never dirty (!) dance with other guy if I am with the boyfriend. It's not just boundaries and treating other like you want other to treat you. I just wouldn't want to do this. But that's a kink for your girlfriend, so it is a huge difference.
As for it being acceptable... it is not accepted by "society". And I would not accept my boyfriend dancing in such way with other girls. Can't even imagine such situation. Usually I am/was the main (only) reason why we go/went out clubbing in the first place and they tend not to like dancing in general, but really like dancing with me till the sunrise. But it was ok for me to go clubbing alone, without a bf (mostly when someone is away), and when I got to dance with other guy, it was pretty decent and I let him know that I am with someone. There is a line between purely dancing, which is accaptable, and dirty dancing. But dancing is always about passion between two people, so it is a very fine line.

What really matter, is it acceptable for you? It's for you to answer... but it doesn't sound like it. I think you wouldn't pay it so much attention, if you felt comfortable with it. If you want to change it, I advice either to let her know that you care too much to see that, or blow her mind with your dancing. But if you can truly accept it and everything that goes with it yourself, then you shouldn't care what other people think. Just make sure you are happy with it.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Keep her around, but start to distance yourself from her and start looking for other women. For some reason, it's always a lot easier to find a girl when you already have one, than when you're single. Anyway, just start looking for another girl that suits you better, and if your girlfriend asks why you've been acting differently, just tell her that her behavior makes you uncomfortable and it's making you question the relationship. If she doesn't ask why you've become more distant, then you will eventually find someone you're more compatible with, and dumping your current g/f won't be nearly as hard as it seems now.

[carl1222]

Keep her around, but start to distance yourself from her and start looking for other women. For some reason, it's always a lot easier to find a girl when you already have one, than when you're single. Anyway, just start looking for another girl that suits you better, and if your girlfriend asks why you've been acting differently, just tell her that her behavior makes you uncomfortable and it's making you question the relationship. If she doesn't ask why you've become more distant, then you will eventually find someone you're more compatible with, and dumping your current g/f won't be nearly as hard as it seems now.

I disagree. If you find yourself at the point where the relationship is no longer working for you, the only decent thing is to end it BEFORE you start looking for a replacement. It may be easier if you have something to go to before you let go ... but emotional cheating is still cheating, even if there is no sex involved yet.

Carl.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Carl, the OP is clearly into rationalization and justification of behavior most people would deem reprehensible. I think, given the OP's situation it's more than acceptable to look for replacement while with his current g/f, and my solution doesn't eliminate her without giving her a chance. I doubt the OP would find another girl before she started to realize his changing feelings. I agree that my method is not the easiest to swallow, but it would benefit the OP.

[VincenzoG91]

TomerT, a relationship needs love, trust and respect, or it will fall apart under stress. You're posting here because you're wondering (with good reason) if you can trust your girlfriend. She is humping on random dudes on the dance floor while you stand there watching, and you wonder if that's okay. Then some other random dude comments that your girlfriend is all over his buddy, and wonders if you're okay with that, or if you're even her boyfriend. Not only is her behavior disrespectful towards you, but she has now subjected you to public humiliation that is obvious to a total stranger. This isn't okay, unless you're one of those sad cuckold types. Don't let her push you around by making this about you being too controlling. She is out of control, and doesn't deserve to have a boyfriend until she is ready to behave decently in public. Stop making excuses for her bad behavior. Try to locate whatever is left of your self-esteem and dump her. Take some time out, and then find a woman who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.