dating and hooking up sequence

[LailaK]

^^^ exactly. It's a misconception that a quality guy will wait until you're ready. If a girl was taking too long to have sex, I would lose desire (what's the point of getting sexually worked up over nothing?) and judge us to be sexually incompatible. A man who will wait as long as it takes is not a quality man - he's a guy with fewer options

You are wrong. A quality guy who is into you waits. A guy who is not into you and can move on to the next very quickly, does not wait. End of story.

I've found that men always try to convince women that the amount of time you wait to have sex with them doesn't matter but really that's only because they have a vested interest in getting laid.

[Take2]

Interesting. I am finding that there are lots of men in their mid-thirties who are divorced just like me. Maybe it's because I have young kids, but the guys who approach me are not married. I had a few of the young 20s dudes looking for a meaningless hookup, but I have no interest at all in having any sort of relationship or hookup with a boy. Most of the guys who have shown an interest in me are about my age and divorced. Which is convenient, because I have decided that I will only date a divorced or widowed man.

Azure, that's also interesting that your 10-year marriage has left you looking for anything but a serious relationship. Mine has done the opposite, I am not interested in spending time with any guy where there is not potential for the long haul.

As for sex and when to do what, I say it's about doing what feels right. I am not going to enforce some official set of rules on my sex life, or wait longer than feels right to preserve power or interest. I figure a good guy will be understanding if we aren't ready at the exact same moment and be a little patient...but a good guy also deserves a good gal, and playing games is not nice.

And I know this makes me weird, but I am not ever going to be comfortable giving or receiving oral BEFORE I am comfortable enough to have intercourse with a dude. I can't imagine a scenario in which I would feel I knew a guy well enough on a second date to get that intimate physically, but I suppose it could happen.

I don't think it matters so much to worry about the guy thinking you are a slut, but if doing something would hurt your self-image then you shouldn't do it! If a guy has sex and then judges you for having sex with him? He's an idiot and not worth your time.

[LailaK]

^^^ True, but I would have rather not have had sex with him in the first place if that's the case.

I know myself and I know that when I'm horny I can potentially make bad decisions. I dated a real d*ckhead once for 3.5 years and it would have been easier to break up with him if he weren't the boy I'd given my virginity to.

Waiting has a lot to do with me. I fall for a guy really quickly and then after about a month reality hits me and I realize that I was just lonely, into his tattoos, or whatever. It's easier to break it off if I haven't slept with him at that point. Also, I date a lot. If I slept with ever guy I wanted to sleep with I'd be very promiscuous and that would be a problem for me. It's not about the guy judging me it's about my own personal health as well as my own pride in myself. I don't want to have slept with a bunch of guys who didn't give a crap about me.

My rule is that I only sleep with boyfriends. If a guy doesn't want an exclusive relationship with me then he doesn't get sex. Its a simple rule and it keeps me out of trouble and keeps me from getting to attached to anyone too quickly.

[xxazurexx]

A man who will wait as long as it takes is not a quality man - he's a guy with fewer options...

Load of crap per usual.

An historic example of a man waiting was King Henry V111, who never took another lover for SIX years and while he waited for Anne Boleyn to put out.

You telling me that a man who was a reknowned womaniser, who went on to have six wives and was the King of England had few options??

LMFAO.

[xxazurexx]

Azure, that's also interesting that your 10-year marriage has left you looking for anything but a serious relationship. Mine has done the opposite, I am not interested in spending time with any guy where there is not potential for the long haul.

Peoples experiences are different. My ex H put me off marriage for life lol When we split, I felt like I'd been let out of a cage. And I said at this 'moment in time', I am not looking for anything serious. That doesn't mean I will never want anything more long term and in the future.

As for sex and when to do what, I say it's about doing what feels right. I am not going to enforce some official set of rules on my sex life, or wait longer than feels right to preserve power or interest. I figure a good guy will be understanding if we aren't ready at the exact same moment and be a little patient...but a good guy also deserves a good gal, and playing games is not nice.

Men confuse me. On one hand some of them complain that they don't like waiting and until a woman is ready...on the other hand, some complain and when they have found themselves in a relationship with a female who has slept around all over and with other numerous men. They want a woman who will put out soon, yet they don't want a cheap slapper??...uhm WTF??

As for the waiting, I say it's up to the individuals also and you both do what you do, when you are ready. Just because the woman isn't ready doesnt mean she is playing games or it's a case of she likes to be in 'control'.....at least it's not that way for me. I don't make guys wait forever, but I do wait and until I'm sure of a guys genuine interest. I am not 'prey' for a player who might be looking for just 'sex'.....been there before and never again.

And I know this makes me weird, but I am not ever going to be comfortable giving or receiving oral BEFORE I am comfortable enough to have intercourse with a dude. I can't imagine a scenario in which I would feel I knew a guy well enough on a second date to get that intimate physically, but I suppose it could happen....

Me neither. Unless I was having sex with him, oral would be out of the question also. If I'm giving him oral, I may as well be having sex with him.

If a guy has sex and then judges you for having sex with him? He's an idiot and not worth your time.

Exactly. But a lot do judge and therein lies the stigma that if a woman puts out to early, she is a slut who sleeps around.

[Applesauce]

xxazurexx says:

"Load of crap per usual.

An historic example of a man waiting was King Henry V111, who never took another lover for SIX years and while he waited for Anne Boleyn to put out.

You telling me that a man who was a reknowned womaniser, who went on to have six wives and was the King of England had few options??"

oh goodness gracious me, way to use an exception to disprove the norm. You showed me!

[xxazurexx]

xxazurexx says:

"Load of crap per usual.

An historic example of a man waiting was King Henry V111, who never took another lover for SIX years and while he waited for Anne Boleyn to put out.

You telling me that a man who was a reknowned womaniser, who went on to have six wives and was the King of England had few options??"

oh goodness gracious me, way to use an exception to disprove the norm. You showed me!

I've shown you a few times I believe....lmao

[Take2]

Peoples experiences are different. My ex H put me off marriage for life lol When we split, I felt like I'd been let out of a cage. And I said at this 'moment in time', I am not looking for anything serious. That doesn't mean I will never want anything more long term and in the future.

Oh, of course. I just see my ex and I seem to both want marriage again to someone else, so I am interested to hear another point of view. My bf wanted nothing to do with dating for a while after his divorce, which seems to have worked well for him and was lucky for me, too.

Men confuse me. On one hand some of them complain that they don't like waiting and until a woman is ready...on the other hand, some complain and when they have found themselves in a relationship with a female who has slept around all over and with other numerous men. They want a woman who will put out soon, yet they don't want a cheap slapper??...uhm WTF??

I say all of that is ridiculous and I try to avoid ridiculous men, that is reason enough to discard a guy. I will sleep with any man I feel close enough to sleep with. I won't sleep with any man before I am ready. I won't worry too much about how many women a man has been with and will expect the same consideration. I won't be with a man whose number is 0 before me, just because I am only really willing to consider a divorced or widowed father.

[Boisdevie]

Exactly. But a lot do judge and therein lies the stigma that if a woman puts out to early, she is a slut who sleeps around.

I disagree but then I'm a man who's a feminist so my take might be different to most men. A woman who 'puts out' is simply a woman, confident in herself who knows what she wants. And for me that's fine