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Thread: a girl's sober intimacy with a drunk guy??

  1. #1
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    a girl's sober intimacy with a drunk guy??

    Hello! I'm new, but I've been rather worried and confused about an encounter that occurred a few nights ago.. I'm 19 and a freshman in college. I'm not extremely well-versed in love (I'd had one relationship in high school, which ended shortly before my graduation) or identifying flirtatious behavior..or what happens when alcohol is added to the mix.

    I went with a good female friend of mine to visit her college for a night. We got to the residence buildings before/around 12 am and decided to stay the night in her male friend's room, because she'd been clashing with her roommate lately and his was the only available place to stay at such short notice. (Let us refer to this guy as X.) When my friend and I got to X's room, we found him playing a video game and another boy (whom I'd never met before) who was drinking (let's call this guy Q). Q was finishing his drink and lying on the spare bed, expressing how drunk and sick he felt, since he'd been at it for a while. He mentioned seeing double and feeling sick, and at one point got up a little clumsily and nearly knocked things over while trying to move a chair out of his path to get to another side of the room.

    My friend and I assumed since Q was drunk and occupying the extra bed that we'd just share a blanket on the floor, but when Q left the room to "puke in the bathroom" (according to X, who accompanied him) we stole the bed. Q returned at least 10-15 minutes later, insisting that he was fine and everything was "out of his system". He saw my friend and I had taken his previous spot and he decided to sleep on the floor, but a moment later my friend switched to sharing with X, so Q decided he'd share with me instead of being left by himself on the floor.

    Although Q was drunk earlier and had just probably puked his brains out, he was fairly articulate at the moment and seemed much more aware of his surroundings; he didn't stumble anymore and wasn't nearly as clumsy. He didn't hog the covers, wasn't loud and/or obnoxious and kindly thanked me for sharing. I only mildly worried that he would get sick again and puke in the room/bed (which he didn't). He promised he wouldn't try anything horribly inappropriate...but is it 'horribly inappropriate' if I consented?

    There was no "sex," per se, or making out (as far as kissing went, there was one shot to my forehead and one to his neck). The basic gist of it all was a gradual progression (taking place over several hours- I checked the clock during his quick bathroom break and it was between 4 and 5 am), leading from spooning to cuddling to fondling to hand action.. Nothing was forced, and he was actually quite considerate and many of his actions seemed more "affectionate" (kiss to the forehead, hand-holding, close hugging, fixing my clothes, offering more of the comforter, etc.). I don't believe I did anything I outright regret, but I'm not sure if what happened was purely based off of his inebriation, or what? I'd say I'm a pretty level-headed person- I mean, I'm not obsessively spazzing out about this or concretely declaring it either outright attraction or pure drunken molestation, but I'm unsure about what this was. I've never been one to let anything love- or intimacy-related get to my head (I didn't gush at all over my very first kiss, and I was attracted to the person it was with), so I feel rather nonchalant about what actions exactly occurred, but should I be feeling bad about the general event? There is a little guilt, but only because I don't know where it all came from, or if it is something I shouldn't have let happen. Was this a drunken flirt that went too far? D: I'm not extremely likely to see this guy soon unless I visit my friend's college again, which I plan on doing more throughout the school year...but then again I'm not expecting a second, third, or one-millionth reencounter with Q..

    I'd like to add that I'm personally not much of a drinker, nor am I very familiar with the differences in the 'levels' of inebriation. I do recognize that it can vary from person to person, and I know that Q could not have been 100% sober. I also apologize for this post being so long, but I figured the more details I put in, the easier it would be to gauge just what was going on with him, and to analyze the situation. Thanks in advance for any and all help!

  2. #2
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    I don't think it was inappropriate - by the time you two were carressing each other, he was likely relatively sober. Plus, it doesn't sound like you pushed and pressured him into anything. You will (and should) have fond memories of the evening.

    As to his behavior, we can't really know how much was his natural personality vs alcohol vs getting caught up in the moment.

    -PP

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    A woman (I assume you're a woman?) molesting a drunk man. Now that's a new one. Kudos!

  4. #4
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    vashti is offline Hot love muffin guru
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    A guy doesn't have to be drunk in order to want to touch and kiss a pretty girl in his bed.

    He also doesn't have to be especially interested in her.
    Relax... I'll need some information first. Just the basic facts - can you show me where it hurts?

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    Please tell me I wasn't the only one who thought this was a guy posting this message? You never did state you were female, and when you said you were with a "female friend" usually guys say that. Then again, I'm surrounded by more gay men than straight men, so maybe I'm biased.
    As to your problem. I wouldn't feel guilty about it. It was a fun and comfortable night you two had, and if it really bothered him, I'm sure you would find out somehow. Like if he wanted to get to know you more. After all, a mutual friend was involved, and as much as we don't think so, guys do talk to one another. It's just a different language than we're used to, but like any other, if you're around it long enough you begin to pick up the basics.

  6. #6
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    girl68 is offline little person, big mouth
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    I don't see anything wrong with any of that.

  7. #7
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    Kaolru- I am female, I assure you. Sorry if it wasn't clear in the post!

    Anyhow, many thanks to everyone who responded!! I greatly appreciate it and I do feel relieved that I don't have to have a guilty conscience over what happened, haha..

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