Possibly in the Friend Zone with a girl in a troubled relationship

[painwithinlove]

I've met a girl for a month and ever since she's met me, her relationship with her boyfriend is getting worse. It seems they are about to break up because they do not talk to each other anymore and they even removed their relationship status from their Facebook information on the left. I have been talking to this girl everyday and I am extremely in love with her. We constantly text each other and talk to each on MSN until 2AM in the morning. However there seems to be a barrier between us and this barrier seems to be her boyfriend, which makes me feel like I'm in the friend zone. Her boyfriend doesn't seem to care about the relationship anymore but she still wants to hold on to him, maybe she feels bad and feels its her fault that the relationship is the way it is now.

Currently, I am planning on meeting her next week and telling her how I feel. But I will not force her to break up with her boyfriend, instead I will tell her that, I know they are together, and wish their relationship can go on forever, because I just want her to be happy, but if they breakup, that I will always be there for her.

In this the right thing to do?

[misombra]

you can't help her. she has a boyfriend and she needs to realize for herself that the relationship is bad enough to get out. if you meet with her you'll be in a worse place than the friend zone. you'll be in her drama zone. she's a pit of drama right now and she'll get you tangled right in and you'll be in trouble.

if you want to help her and you like her, stay away and leave her alone. you'll save yourself a lot of pain and embarrassment.

[painwithinlove]

if you meet with her you'll be in a worse place than the friend zone...if you want to help her and you like her, stay away and leave her alone. you'll save yourself a lot of pain and embarrassment.

Well I have to go shopping with her next week either way and will also be taking her to a school prom a few days after going shopping with her. It is actually her school prom but for "some reason" her boyfriend can't go, so her friend ask me to go and that is how we met.

I feel she likes me as well but I think she's scared of breaking up with her boyfriend because it seems like the wrong thing to do. Maybe she is waiting for me to make a move? I just really want to tell her how I feel.

[xxazurexx]

If you tell her how you feel, then that might give her the incentive to end this relationship.

Although why she doesn't just end it if it's that bad is beyond me. I think she still loves him and hoping it will change, which is why she is continuing to hang on.

[Neyy]

I am afraid I must concur with misombra on this one.
I do not believe that telling her how you really feel would help at all, either of you.
If anything it would upset her and she might even get mad that your doing that to her when she has a boyfriend, however also keep in mind that she probably already knows.
It seems pretty obvious that you two are into each other when you stay up until 2 AM texting. Unless you stay up until 2 AM anyway. I would however give her time, let the relationship happen naturally first between her and her boyfriend, then when that ends, if it does (and I would be surprised if it doesn't) make your move when you think she is ready.

[painwithinlove]

OK, so now all I have to do is wait. I've been waiting for the last past month and all I can see is their relationship getting worse and worse, but for each day I wait, is another day of sadness and thinking of bullshit.

So what am I suppose to do when I go shopping with her next week, and what am I suppose to do when I attend her school prom with her?

[Neyy]

Easy, well.. Easy to say. Just do what she probably needs now more than ever, be her friend. Be there for her, help her genuinely with her problems, and if they do break up, which again I think they will, you will get extra brownie points anyway. I know it doesn't seem like something you even want to consider doing, just waiting more and more, but I personally think it's best. However I am no expert at all. Just my opinion. I really wish you luck.

[painwithinlove]

If anything it would upset her and she might even get mad that your doing that to her when she has a boyfriend, however also keep in mind that she probably already knows.

She probably does know I like her, since I kind of give a lot of hints, so what would be the harm in telling her?

So what am I suppose to do when I go shopping with her next week, and what am I suppose to do when I attend her school prom with her?

So I make no moves at all? I hope they do breakup before the school prom, because I doubt I will resist the urge to make a move.

[Liam_680]

It is justifiable to express to a woman how you really feel about her without asking anything in return. so i am in full support of your decision to tell her how much you love her.

[painwithinlove]

It is justifiable to express to a woman how you really feel about her without asking anything in return. so i am in full support of your decision to tell her how much you love her.

Yes, me and my friends also agree that I should tell her how I feel as soon as possible. She probably already knows but maybe she wants me to say it. So should I tell her next week when I go shopping with her?

[madotnw_nihs]

While I think it is justifiable to tell people how you feel about them. It is not in both parties best interest if decisions being made can hinged on what you reveal. I have had relationships before where my gf was had a bf before we met. Even though I liked her and she liked me and it was apparent, I did not reveal it. You don't want to be to reason or part of the reason to break a couple up. She made a decisive decision on her own to break up with her bf. I believe it is the correct choice. I have see friends where they were the reason breakups happened and it never ends well. Believe in this, if she does have strong enough feelings for you and she wants to break up with her bf, she will. If she doesn't want to break up with her boyfriend even though she has every reason to, it means she does not want to be with you. Let it ride out, and let her make the decision.

[painwithinlove]

While I think it is justifiable to tell people how you feel about them. It is not in both parties best interest if decisions being made can hinged on what you reveal. I have had relationships before where my gf was had a bf before we met. Even though I liked her and she liked me and it was apparent, I did not reveal it. You don't want to be to reason or part of the reason to break a couple up. She made a decisive decision on her own to break up with her bf. I believe it is the correct choice. I have see friends where they were the reason breakups happened and it never ends well. Believe in this, if she does have strong enough feelings for you and she wants to break up with her bf, she will. If she doesn't want to break up with her boyfriend even though she has every reason to, it means she does not want to be with you. Let it ride out, and let her make the decision.

Thank you! Your advice helped me further understand now. However what am I suppose to do when I go shopping with her next week, and what am I suppose to do when I attend her school prom with her? The breakup between them is extremely slow process and if it doesn't happen by the prom, I doubt I can resist the urge to make a move on the night...

[painwithinlove]

Any help? I am going shopping with her in 2 days...

[madotnw_nihs]

What do you mean by make a move on the night? physically or profess your love? I've been through it. You are shopping, watching movies, walk on the beaches with someone you love, yet you shouldn't reveal it. I know it's tough ,but you can do it. Just think of it this way, when you can finally say it, it will be that much better.

[painwithinlove]

OK, I will be shopping with her tomorrow but I won't make a move. The prom is next week and we are just going to forget she had a boyfriend, just for that day. However this seems quite irresponsible...I'm afraid of the consequences afterward. I have the support of all her friends but in the end, it's what she is feeling that I am worried about. I don't want her to feel guilty...