would you feel rejected, or...?

[julygirl]

I am not sure about this..today it happened again and really hurt my feelings, now I feel like Im sinking into some depression becausse I am afraid that maybe he doesnt like me that much, or?

it has happened maybe the last 4 or 5 times we were together, after only about 5 or ten minutes at the most, of having ic, he stops and gets up, and im left feeling rejected. He reassured me its not me, that he has a problem, but I started remembering how he had a long relationship in the past that apprently was pretty passionate so I feel worried that maybe he doesnt like me that much?

he calls me at least 3 times every day, we see each other at least 3 x week, etc.

any thoughts- thank you

I dont want to make this a problem, I dont want to make him feel badly about it...but its getting hard to hide my hurt of feeling rejected

the thought occured to me this morning after it happened that maybe I should suggest to him that we put sex to the side for the time being and just concentrate on our emotional bond?

[Poetic_Partner]

One thing to consider is whether sex has become painful for him. Not the most likely possibility, but not one to dismiss either.

Does he know how you feel? It may not be the most comfortable conversation, but it may help. Just try to not be too accusing and don't have the talk before/during/after sex!

As for ceasing sex for a while, one risk to take into account is that he may feel you are punishing him.

-PP

[Kaius]

Investigate if this is a medical, emotional or psychological issue with him. Is he taking medicine? This is worth exploring.

[julygirl]

kaius,

yes, he is taking medication, I am not sure how much or even IF that is a cause of this because he doesnt have trouble with erection, it seems like as we begin having ic, his thoughts wander, he loses interest and stops. He is able to become aroused and he gets an erection, but then abruptly loses interest even when things are getting heated up. Yesterday i was surprised when it happened because it seemed pretty intense and then all of a sudden he stopped.
I dont want to make feel under pressure, (he is mostly the one to initiate, so im not pressuring him per se, but maybe if he knows sex will be to the side for the time being, it will take away the pressure of it for him) also it will avoid me feeling rejected.
bc we were having such a nice weekend, and then after he initiated ic, and stopped, it was very difficult for me to hide my hurt over it.
would it be better to take the pressure off, whatever is causing it, to suggest we just put that to the side for the time being?

[Kaius]

kaius,

yes, he is taking medication, I am not sure how much or even IF that is a cause of this because he doesnt have trouble with erection, it seems like as we begin having ic, his thoughts wander, he loses interest and stops. He is able to become aroused and he gets an erection, but then abruptly loses interest even when things are getting heated up. Yesterday i was surprised when it happened because it seemed pretty intense and then all of a sudden he stopped.
I dont want to make feel under pressure, (he is mostly the one to initiate, so im not pressuring him per se, but maybe if he knows sex will be to the side for the time being, it will take away the pressure of it for him) also it will avoid me feeling rejected.
bc we were having such a nice weekend, and then after he initiated ic, and stopped, it was very difficult for me to hide my hurt over it.
would it be better to take the pressure off, whatever is causing it, to suggest we just put that to the side for the time being?

Hey Julygirl, don't withhold sex or put sex in the back burner. Sex is the constant connection that needs to be maintained under all circumstances. If he is taking any serotonins or antidepressants (prozac, etc), then he may have a hard time climaxing. If he can get hard, then there is nothing wrong with his sex drive or his desire for you. If he goes soft in the middle, it could be the medication desensitizing him, which causes limpness. I know this from experience. I am taking some serotonins, and have a hard time reaching climax sometimes. My woman is sexy beyond my imagination, and she knows if I get soft it's not because of her. I think discussing it openly would be a good start. Or have shorter, but more frequent sex. I wish I could make love to my woman 10 times a day... but alas....that might not be possible until our kids are fully grown, and I'm retired.

[iZero]

It's not wrong to feel hurt or rejected. To put it simply, whatever you feel, isn't wrong. You can't control how you feel about something like that. But sex is one of those things where communication is absolutely critical. Before just "switching it off" for a while, no matter how painful it is, the two of you need to discuss it. If you hide your hurt, he can't know you feel it. If he won't communicate what is going on, you won't stop feeling hurt. It's a vicious cycle, and you have to have the discussion. Just be careful how you approach it. I'm sure he doesn't mean to hurt you, so if you bring it up in a way that makes it sound like he's making you suffer terribly, he will likely feel guilty and it will just get worse. But he needs to know how you feel, and he needs to know that you need to know how he feels.

No matter how hard it is to bring up, I'm sure you'll both feel much better once it has been discussed

[julygirl]

we did talk a little about it, he reassured me several times its him, not me..deep down insdie though I think i have a worry that maybe its even subconscious that he just doesnt like me enough in that way? or something about how I feel during sex is not pleasing to him? (Ive been thru childbirth so maybe Im not as 'tight' as he would like?) all these are questions to me, 'am i not tight enough'?

'does he secretly still love his ex?
etc etc etc

[Kaius]

we did talk a little about it, he reassured me several times its him, not me..deep down insdie though I think i have a worry that maybe its even subconscious that he just doesnt like me enough in that way? or something about how I feel during sex is not pleasing to him? (Ive been thru childbirth so maybe Im not as 'tight' as he would like?) all these are questions to me, 'am i not tight enough'?

'does he secretly still love his ex?
etc etc etc

Don't get these crazy thoughts in your head! It's all in your head and not real! My woman had 2 kids and she sometimes worry that she's not as tight as an 18 year old. But that shouldn't be an issue.
This is a hard topic to bring up. But you gotta discuss it. I didn't think sex was that important until I met my current GF. She showed me that sex isn't just horny humping, but a deep connection
between two people in love. It's absolutely necessary....