I'm back...need some advice.

[dewilliams2]

So as some of you may have noticed I disappeared off here for awhile after my last relationship ended.

I'll bring everybody up to speed....my ex girlfriend Desiree cheated on me then I dated a girl named ashley briefly, nothing went anywhere...played with the idea of dating my friend emily...didn't go anywhere. However when I dated Ashley I met her sister Tiffany and we really hit it off.

Stuff moved very fast with Tiffany, it was amazing how much we had in common....I was dating her two months after I broke up with Desiree, three months later she was moving in....it moved that fast...very fast....I know its fast.

Four months after she moved in she has decided that she isn't ready for a commitment so soon after her last relationship which ended last January...but she had been in the relationship for 4 years....she said she may even love me but she feels trapped. I went to my parents house today for a visit and came home and she had moved out all of her clothes and some other things she needs to get ready for work.

I just don't know what to do...she said I haven't done anything wrong and that I am a great guy...simply that a relationship is to much pressure for her right now and that she needs to be on her own for awhile.

Is there anything I can do?...I really like here...we do have so much in common and have so much fun...the sex is good...we don't really have any fights....I just don't get it.

Any suggestions?

[Charlie Boy II]

Sounds like the best thing to do is give her some space for a few weeks.

[LissaP]

Yeah, give her the space she's asked for. If its meant to be, it will be. Do a search for the article "how-to-get-my-ex-back-if-he-says-he-wants-more-space". Even though it has he in the title its a unisex article. I believe you'll find some specific tips for getting her back.

[cmacattack1]

Never a dull moment in your life is there?

Yeah, it sounds like you guys did move really fast. I don't know if she was the one that gave you the suggestion of moving in and then backed out on it or what, but when it starts back pedaling or slowing down, that is never good.

I know that when you meet somebody new and everything feels like it's clicking, you get a little carried away sometimes. With all the experience you have with relationships (and I know you are still learning), you have to try your best to be rational about some things. If you are looking for something meaningful, you should really take it slow and get to know somebody so that it doesn't get carried away and the pressure is on. She's guilty of this as well because it's not like you put a gun to her head. At least you guys are talking it out and communicating, and she isn't building resentment. I guess it could always be worse?

So yeah, like they said give her some time. But priority one in your relationship (not married, no kids, etc.) is to ENJOY spending time with each other. To have fun. If you can't stand being around them, the relationship can not possibly go further with any kind of security. When she starts coming back to you after a little space, take a weekend day and try something new together (hopefully she's an open minded girl) and certainly make the most of it. You can use this time for her space to get yourself back on track in your life too, be it with your job (I don't think you are in school, right?) or going to the gym or spending time with your buddies. I don't buy the whole "you are a perfect guy thing", that's always a cop out to being honest, but don't take it personally. You know you are a good guy no matter what happens that everything is going to be alright.

[dewilliams2]

I talked to her tonight....she said she really didn't know what to do. She said she misses me and was happy for the most part with me but at times felt confined. I told her I was willing to make some changes and to think about it. The big thing is I work from home so I'm pretty much always here when she gets home from work. She has very little alone time and has been working with people all day whereas I have been working with animals all day. She is ready to hide by herself while I'm ready to talk to somebody. So we will have to work something out so she can get some alone time cause I have more than enough and she has next to none.

Still don't know what is going to happen....she said she would think about things tonight and tomorrow....I kinda hope she gets it figured out before Thanksgiving.

@Cmacattack...moving in just sort of happened....we had known each other for 3 months prior to officially moving into together but she was spending every night here from like the first month so one day I just asked if she wanted to just move her stuff over...she said yea and was excited...your right though...I didn't force her.

And while thats fast we both have examples of fast relationships working. My parents dated for a week were engaged for a month and have been married for 33 years. Her parents were married on the 28th day of knowing each other and they were together for 26 years before getting divorced and that was only because her mom went crazy....not really...she just had the change and her hormones got all jacked up and it led to divorce.

[misombra]

you all moved a little too fast. maybe you can still hang out and be together but just take some steps back. moving in with someone is an enormous step. staying nights at someone's house is a lot different.

[cmacattack1]

There will always be instances where it can work and can happen. Every relationship is unique in itself because it's with a different person, different time in your and her life, and a different person then you were in your last relationship. Way too unpredictable. It's just the odds of it working this early on and moving this fast, based on my experience and the experiences of others I have read and seen, aren't really in your favor. And I'm sure your parents had their rough patches to get to the happy place they are now. Your parents are happy, right?

Also, her parents divorce was probably long in the making too. I don't think her mom just dove off the deep end one day because of a hormonal imbalance and that led to a swift divorce. Too many underlying details, I promise you.

Of course we all want you to be happy, and we want this to work for the better. Pretty obvious that she is at a place right now where she is confused, and I believe it's because she doesn't know what she wants and doesn't know what she signed up for. This is one of the biggest reasons why relationships at our age (teens all the way to late 20's) fail. Give her as much time and space as she needs to think things out and be aware of her intentions. Is she sticking this out because she misses you/doesn't want to be alone/needs somebody to be her crutch? That will end in failure. Does she want to move forward with this because she thinks you will bring her more happiness and she wants to build a life together with you? Maybe you will have a chance.

It's tough to really get time on your own to think about things when they are always around. Like when we go through break ups, but we are still talking to our ex afterward, why would you have any reason to really go back to them if the feeling is that they will always be there? How can you go through each day acting like nothing is wrong and enjoying each others' company with this hanging over your heads? I might even recommend she stay some place else, her parents if all else fails, until she figures things out.

Remember, enjoying each others' company should be your number one priority. Do you guys have that feeling of ease at the moment?