He can't get over the number of sexual partners I had

[misombra]

there's nothing you can change.

this is one of those "take me as i am" situations. he needs to decide if it's something he can't live or something he can get over. but you shouldn't have to be with someone who doesn't respect you because of your past.

[misombra]

there's nothing you can change.

this is one of those "take me as i am" situations. he needs to decide if it's something he can't live or something he can get over. but you shouldn't have to be with someone who doesn't respect you because of your past.

[iZero]

Maybe I am just stupid then, cus I believe relationships are based on honesty. He asked me how many guys I had been with so I told him. Was I meant to lie?

You shouldn't lie. Or despite what some might think, deflect it either. If it gets asked and you avoid it, it will cause the same problem, because if he has to ask... right, wrong, or in between, the answer is going to matter to him. And he's not going to let it go. Deflect it and it will feel like a lie. In this case, it seems the only thing you can really do, is just tell him that there's a reason you're not with the other guys, and that you're with him/have been with him this long. He'll either accept it or he won't.

At the same time... I don't know him so I hope I don't come off as rude. But if he's known this for 8 years, or even a few months, that should be all the time he needs to either get past it and be secure in your relationship, or move on. If he's held on to it that long, then like someone already said he's just using it as something to hold on to for some reason or another. Not good...

[xxazurexx]

crazygirl says:

"Maybe I am just stupid then, cus I believe relationships are based on honesty. He asked me how many guys I had been with so I told him. Was I meant to lie?"

actually, I have to agree with you. I think it's funny the same girls here who yap about honesty and meaningful relationships are the first to hide their past sexual history from their partner. If you need to keep your past a secret out of fear that your partner might be too insecure to handle it, then maybe he's not the one for you

Why the heck would I want to reveal in detail, my past sexual life with other men, the posistions we did it in, whether we did oral or not, had anal or not and how big their dicks were?? LOL
Why would I want to bring other guys into my new relationship?

Not only that, but I've never had a partner who wanted to know those things, hence no need for me to brag about it.

So why would I mention it, other than to brag and make him jealous?

Likewise I ddidn't ask my partners, what they did, have done and if they both swung from the chandeliers while shagging.

I'd hope that I and my partner had better things to be doing and talking about and a healthy sex life of our own, rather than discussing which other guys shafted me up the arse or came in my mouth.

Guys DO NOT take to this stuff very well, as is proven time and time and time again on those boards and judging by the amount of times this problem has been posted either by a woman who is complaining her guy doesn't like the thought of past sexual partners, or a guy who is revolted by the amount of men his partner has had.

Any guy who wants to know of a partners past sexual life, iis to be wary of IMO....and he spells trouble.

[xxazurexx]

Maybe I am just stupid then, cus I believe relationships are based on honesty. He asked me how many guys I had been with so I told him. Was I meant to lie?

You should have used 'common sense'....

[Charlie Boy II]

I don't want to know that shit. I never ask.

[eonbar]

i agree with other members in that you should skirt around the issue and not bring it into your present day relationship BUT, what the OP is saying is that she has and now she needs advice.

if my GF came on here asking for advice because i felt insecure about these sort of things (hypothetically of course), and she followed your guys advice and said "well, its how i was and it was part of my past. deal with it" then i would just end up hating it even more and feeling even more shit.

what you need to do OP is reassure your guy, say that although some guys have had bigger dicks it didn't matter cos they wern't as good in bed as you, and that you've made me feel things which no other guy has.... reassurance, reiterate his uniqueness of being able to make you feel like no one else has, and just deal with the fact that your going to have to help him over this...

[Lovable]

OP, it's been 8 years & this guy still brings it up.

It's time for YOU to make a decision. Can you continue on living with HIS insecurities because you were honest with him & thought he was ADULT enough to handle that you have a past?

Everyone has a past, even though he slept with only his ex, she could have been the best thing since sliced bread, but you aren't freaking out over the "what ifs" like he is.

[RockNRoll]

Is it the main problem or only an excuse for not moving relationships forward, or background of other problem? Because it sounds absolutely crazy, especially after such a LONG TIME you've been together. He probably remembers it much better than you do.
If it is really the main problem:
explain him, that your history only proofs, HOW SPECIAL HE IS for you! You had completely different experience before, and he is the one who changed so much and became first and the only whith who you had such a long relationships.
There are a few other things you can tell him to reassure, but it is his problem, not yours, and it will never change unless he works on it.

[crazygirl]

Thank you to everyone who replied, Eonbar, RockNRoll and Applesauce your responses were particularly helpful. I have spoken at length to my partner. Basically because I always got defensive while talking about it (because it was the past and I wanted to forget about it), he always thought I was hiding something, which was one of the big sources of his insecurities on the issue. Also because of these issues, I had stopped initiating any sexual contact, which had also made him feel rejected, and therefore another source of his insecurities. We are both going to work on our relationship, because we both agree that it is what we want and are willing to fight for it, so that we can finally put these issues in the past where they belong.

Especially for those of you who replied at the very beginning, being insecure is not a crime, and is also not a reason to end an extremely loving and fulfilling relationship (maybe like me, you are doing something yourself that is making your partner feel insecure, whether intentionally or not). And if you are never able to open up to someone so that they know everything about you, then I feel sorry for you.

[girl68]

most guys can't handle the truth and if they can... they aren't the ones asking.

[Applesauce]

xxazurexx says:

"Why the heck would I want to reveal in detail, my past sexual life with other men, the posistions we did it in, whether we did oral or not, had anal or not and how big their dicks were?? LOL
Why would I want to bring other guys into my new relationship?

Not only that, but I've never had a partner who wanted to know those things, hence no need for me to brag about it.

So why would I mention it, other than to brag and make him jealous?

Likewise I ddidn't ask my partners, what they did, have done and if they both swung from the chandeliers while shagging.

I'd hope that I and my partner had better things to be doing and talking about and a healthy sex life of our own, rather than discussing which other guys shafted me up the arse or came in my mouth.

Guys DO NOT take to this stuff very well, as is proven time and time and time again on those boards and judging by the amount of times this problem has been posted either by a woman who is complaining her guy doesn't like the thought of past sexual partners, or a guy who is revolted by the amount of men his partner has had."

look up "strawman argument." Nowhere in my post did I say to discuss the specifics of your past sexual history; only that you shouldn't hide how many sexual partners you had if your current partner asks. It's not conducive to having an honest and meaningful relationship

[Mr.LubbaLubba]

Try having a one to one with him and tell him it's bugging you that he thinks like this. Maybe he'll snap out of it... good luck!

[LailaK]

I like how you guys have agreed that all of his insecurities are somehow your fault.

But really, I hope this issue is closed for you.

[crazygirl]

It is not that it is all my fault, but I certainly didn't help! Like I said, we are both going to work on it. Might take some time, but the future is looking bright