Ladies, dating at your workplace?

[kevin32]

Hi ladies. There's a woman at my job that I want to ask out on a date, but before I ask her out, I want to make sure she's interested in me first, because I don't want to make her uncomfortable. I have a few questions:

1. Why would you consider dating a man from your job, rather than dating a man from the bar or club?

2. Is there anything you say or do to indicate to the guy that you like him and want to go out with him? Maybe smiling more or something?

3. Have you ever dated a guy from your workplace? How did he ask you out on a date? What was it about him that made you attracted to him in the first place? Or can you recommend some ways I should conduct myself at work that will make her more receptive to me when I ask her out on a date? Thanks.

[smackie9]

First off if you work in an office you might want to check to see if there is a company policy about dating co-workers. Some companies won't tolerate it and you could find yourself fired. As for dating a co-worker beware! Things might start off great, but if things go real sour, I must remind you, you have to still work with this person. It can cause a hostile work environment, hence the reason why companies don't allow dating. Think about it....you are madly in love and then all of a sudden she dumps you for the new guy that just started. Now try and deal with that every time you come to work. And don't forget the staff gossip. There will be giggles and whispers as you walk by. Sure work is a great place to socialize and meet people, but when it comes to romantic involvement you take your chances.

So to answer you question, NO I would not date someone I work with. Work is my other world separate from my personal life and I like my time away from my partner. It's a good balance of space.

Second, work, the bar, or at a party, it doesn't matter, women may not give you any indication if they like you of not. Grow some balls, get to know them a little bit and ask them out.

And yes I dated one guy from the workplace, and went out on a date with another. They just asked me out. I just took a chance. The one I really like ended up in a disaster which proves you shouldn't date co-workers.

Lastly you just need confidence in yourself and ask them out......stop being a chicken.

[Nimrod44]

As mentioned by smackie9 check the policies set by your HR department first regarding this issue. Some companies don't allow it since it could lead to a sexual harassment suit if things go badly.

I've seen the good, bad and ugly of office romances. I once worked for a husband and wife team that met in grad school. Many of my co-workers coupled up over the years. Three couples ended up married. Those couples had gotten to know each other well at work and were friends before ever going out together. They also kept their relationships quiet, thus keeping out of the gossip circle. They were professional about how they handled their relationship and work.

A few other couples were temporary. Most broke up due to partners moving or getting other jobs. Again among those couples they kept their private life out of the work place. We may have known they were going out but they didn't make a big deal of it. No PDA's, flirting, arguments, etc.

Some couples were a huge disaster. The worst case was where one guy had both an ex and a current girlfriend at work. The ex was pissed, the new girlfriend thought the ex should just move on and forget about him and the guy didn't have the balls to deal with the situation. He shouldn't have done what he did in the first place, asking two women out at the same workplace. BIG no no. It was ugly for all of us. We had to deal with the raw emotion of three people. It made work difficult.

So dating at your workplace can be a good thing if done carefully. Work is one of the best places to really get to know someone well considering the hours you are together. You will see how each of you handles various situations too. Starting as good friends seems to work the best from what I have seen. The dating just becomes part of a natural progression in closeness and trust. Don't just ask someone out because they are hot or cute. From what you have posted it doesn't sound like you know the girl you are interested in well yet. Friendship is what you need first.

Don't flirt at work. It's also best to not have lots of lunches together if your workplace is prone to gossip. Gossip flies and can get really ugly. That could end any budding friendship or relationship .. even your job .. quickly. If there's a group of people who socialize after hours it's a good idea to get her to come along if possible.

[Confused81]

Well.... about this....

My partner and I have been together for 1 1/2 years. We've just bought a house together etc etc. We met at work, I worked a weekend job in a big department store to make extra cash and he was my boss (he was actually the store manager). We became really really close in the few years that I worked there, we ended up best of friends. There was always alot of flirting and carry on between us while we were at work (which had the rest of the staff talking!!!) and the sexual harrasment case could have been horrendous for him and the company if I had of gone the other way and decided I really didn't like him!! But long story short, he fired me (it was against company policy for a manager to date their staff) and we started dating. We absolutely could not be happier.