Rejected after a 1 night stand, need some advice. Major blues.

[kopite]

Hi all,

OK so basically I went out for a couple of drinks after work yesterday with a few work friends. We tried this blues bar, the atmosphere was nice, a bit packed but nice. Anyway I we saw some free seats up against the wall next to the stage, I scooched up to this beautiful girl and got chatting to her. We got on really well and she started throwing signs my way, holding my hand or touching my face when talking to me. At first I didn't really think anything of it but my mate next to me said make a move she is trying to give you a opening. I am actually quite a shy person and have only had a handful of girlfriends in the past so I was nervous to say the least.

Eventually I made a move and she responded in kind. For the rest of the night we were pretty much all over each other. Around 1 I said I had to make a move soon as I have to be up early for work the next day. She said she was going to so I said ok well walk out together. I said she wasn't in any state to go home alone so I offered to walk her home, id get a cab once she was in her flat.

We got to her flat and she invited me in, so I went up. We got comfy and as you can probably guess things moved into the bedroom. The sex was nice, very passionate, I think she enjoyed it as the sheets were wet after but I had drunk a lot so had a bit of a problem performing 'my finale'. After we were laying in bed I said I really liked her and wanted to see her again, and not just for sex. She asked me what I was going on the weekend and even tomorrow after work. I said I could come over after work tomorrow (today). She said great. I called a cab, went home with a big smile on my face.

So today I gave her a call after lunchtime to see how she was. She seemed a bit distant on the phone, I asked her if she wanted to meet up sometime and she said no sorry. She said she had drunk quite a bit last night, I said yeah same same. I didn't bother asking why as I was too distraught at the time so I just said ok well see ya. I sent her a text just after saying please accept my apologies if I hurt you in any way. I really like you so if you change your mind let me know and left it at that.

I'll be honest I feel quite gutted inside. I was totally not expecting that response. Not sure if it's the hangover but I have a really bad case of the blues. The thing is I really liked her, on the way to work I picked up some flowers and chocolates today to take over when I went to see her.

So what happened? Was this just a drunken mistake on her part? I'm not going to call her for a week or so, but after I really want to call her and ask her what I done wrong. She could well just turn around and say I don't like you and I could probably end up feeling worse than I do now but I hate not knowing. Should I even expect an explanation or is it possible it was just a 1 night stand for her.

Has anything like this just happened to any of you? This was actually my 1st ever 1night stand. Maybe I was just jumping the gun thinking a 1 night stand can lead to something long term. I feel quite shitty right now and just want some advice.

Thanks for reading

[girl68]

So what happened? Was this just a drunken mistake on her part? I'm not going to call her for a week or so, but after I really want to call her and just get an explanation of what I done wrong.

You seem nice but yes, you were "just a drunken mistake". She could also have a bf or something. But likely she feels cheap and seeing you again reminds her of exactly that.

Please don't call her. Don't rub her 1 nighter in her face- it doens't matter you seem genuine you were in her eyes a big fat mistake. You left the ball in her court leave it there.

[kopite]

Bit of a bitter pill to swallow that but it's probably the right advice. I know this is going to sound wierd coming from a guy but I feel kind of used, not so much physically but emotionally. I don't even know why im allowing myself to fall head over heels for her. It was a 1night stand, I should be like any other guy and just walk out with a smile and leave it like that.

[xxazurexx]

Yeah she was drunk. I've dumbly had a couple of one night stands in the past and because I was drunk.

Next day I'd thought 'wtf was I thinking'....

[kopite]

I just hope I don't see her at that bar again next time I go. The bar itself was great, they had a live band on too so we are going to go back next week. Will be really awkward if she is there again but maybe she'll be drunk again? ha

I shouldn't joke. But the way im feeling now I need to try take lighten the mood.

[girl68]

I know this is going to sound wierd coming from a guy but I feel kind of used

That's EXACTLY how most women feel- used. So I'm sorry but I don't feel bad- this happens to "us" all too much. (Spare- not necesarily you OP- me the lecture- I know it was a choice, it takes two blah blah blah.)

[girl68]

I just hope I don't see her at that bar again next time I go. The bar itself was great, they had a live band on too so we are going to go back next week. Will be really awkward if she is there again but maybe she'll be drunk again? ha

I shouldn't joke. But the way im feeling now I need to try take lighten the mood.

Just try not to think about it anymore. She's gone. If you do see her be polite if you must but for the most part ignore her.

[xxazurexx]

I just hope I don't see her at that bar again next time I go. The bar itself was great, they had a live band on too so we are going to go back next week. Will be really awkward if she is there again but maybe she'll be drunk again? ha

I shouldn't joke. But the way im feeling now I need to try take lighten the mood.

Well if it was me, I wouldn't be showing up at the same bar as you again, lol.....so don't bank on the fact she may be there.

If she has friends who will drag her along, she may tag along unwillingly... expect her to totally avoid all contact with you all night.

Been there, done that *groans*

[So I'm sorry but I don't feel bad- this happens to "us" all too much...

Exactly! Makes a change hearing a guy say he was used, lol

[girl68]

For the record it sucks to feel used don't matter girl boy, slut not slut whatever. But it happens significantly more to women than men, but still.

[Nimrod44]

"I'll be honest I feel quite gutted inside. I was totally not expecting that response. Not sure if it's the hangover but I have a really bad case of the blues. The thing is I really liked her, on the way to work I picked up some flowers and chocolates today to take over when I went to see her."

You probably feel gutted inside because you are a nice guy. If you weren't you wouldn't care. This being your first one night stand and one which didn't leave you with a good feeling proves this isn't the right thing for you.

As for the gal, it's hard to know if you really like her as much as you say after a night of drinking and fun. Anyone can seem like a dream come true in this situation. You can only know if someone is really great over time and in different situations. This is what you lack now. You can say she was cute and fun. Other than that don't build this gal up into the woman of your dreams and deserving of romantic gestures now.

Sorry that you feel so badly. Learn from this and stop listening to friends when they tell you to go for it. Go at your own pace.

[twinrexes]

At least she answered the phone and gave you her regrets and a bit of an explanation. Some (OK a LOT of ) guys or gals would just have let it go to voice mail.

But I sure get how you're feeling. That used-and-thrown away feeling really sucks.

If it's any consolation, you sound like a really nice guy and I felt bad for you about those flowers and chocolates you picked up. Such a romantic gesture. Save them for the next girl, I'm sure there will be a "next" and with a happier outcome now that you've learned from this experience!

[Confused81]

Would you really wanna be with a girl that is happy to take you home and have sex with her when you've only just met her??

I know I shouldn't judge and alot have people have done it and sometimes it is just more a mistake than anything. But she could also be one of those girls that takes a different guy home every time she goes out. Pubs and clubs are never a good place to meet anyone and this is one of the reasons why!!!

You do sound like a really sweet guy though so good luck and just write this one off as experience!!

[xxazurexx]

For the record it sucks to feel used don't matter girl boy, slut not slut whatever. But it happens significantly more to women than men, but still.

I'd agree. I've been on both sides and it aint nice. I've had one or two guys try to use me for sex and while not under the influence of alcohol, in the past.

But when drinks is in, common sense tends to fly out of the window. People do not think straight.

These days I'm much much wiser.

But she could also be one of those girls that takes a different guy home every time she goes out. Pubs and clubs are never a good place to meet anyone and this is one of the reasons why!!!....

And then there are those who make drunken mistakes.

Don't assume women could be sluts and because they goofed up once or twice under the influence of alcohol.

[kopite]

Thanks for all the replies everyone. I'm feeling a lot better today, still on a bit of a downer but not as bad as yesterday. Like you all say I think ill just chalk this one up to experience. It was my first 1 night stand and I think it's safe to say I won't be doing anything similar again. If how i'm feeling now is how women sometimes feel when they are on the other end then I definitely don't want to be on the other end. It's not nice for me and I wouldn't want to make someone else feel how I'm feeling now. Don't get me wrong I don't think there's anything wrong with 2 people enjoying each others company for 1 night but only if both are in the same frame of mind in terms of not letting feelings creep in. The moment someone begins to develop feelings it's only going to end badly, for 1 of them anyway.

It was a nice night of fun so I'll just have to leave it at that. It's a shame though, I really wanted to go on a proper date, wine and dine her... I guess our minds were just in 2 different places.

I broke up with my gf around 6 months ago and I'm not really the type to go out trawling bars specifically for girls. I think maybe because it had been so long it might have made my overall feelings worse as I hadn't liked anyone that much in a long time. I'm not one of those guys that always needs to be in a relationship so when I do like someone I think I end up liking them too much. Anyway I'm babbling now.....

"I'll be honest I feel quite gutted inside. I was totally not expecting that response. Not sure if it's the hangover but I have a really bad case of the blues. The thing is I really liked her, on the way to work I picked up some flowers and chocolates today to take over when I went to see her."

You probably feel gutted inside because you are a nice guy. If you weren't you wouldn't care. This being your first one night stand and one which didn't leave you with a good feeling proves this isn't the right thing for you.

As for the gal, it's hard to know if you really like her as much as you say after a night of drinking and fun. Anyone can seem like a dream come true in this situation. You can only know if someone is really great over time and in different situations. This is what you lack now. You can say she was cute and fun. Other than that don't build this gal up into the woman of your dreams and deserving of romantic gestures now.

Sorry that you feel so badly. Learn from this and stop listening to friends when they tell you to go for it. Go at your own pace.

Thanks. This post really cheered me up and helped me put things in perspective.

At least she answered the phone and gave you her regrets and a bit of an explanation. Some (OK a LOT of ) guys or gals would just have let it go to voice mail.

But I sure get how you're feeling. That used-and-thrown away feeling really sucks.

If it's any consolation, you sound like a really nice guy and I felt bad for you about those flowers and chocolates you picked up. Such a romantic gesture. Save them for the next girl, I'm sure there will be a "next" and with a happier outcome now that you've learned from this experience!

Good point, I hadn't really thought of it that way. I suppose I might have felt worse if she hadn't picked up. Then I probably would have called again, and ended up coming off as a psycho. So in that respect i'm thankful to her.

Would you really wanna be with a girl that is happy to take you home and have sex with her when you've only just met her??

I know I shouldn't judge and alot have people have done it and sometimes it is just more a mistake than anything. But she could also be one of those girls that takes a different guy home every time she goes out. Pubs and clubs are never a good place to meet anyone and this is one of the reasons why!!!

You do sound like a really sweet guy though so good luck and just write this one off as experience!!

It's a valid point and there could be some truth in that. Or it could have been a 1 off like with me. Agree though bars and clubs are generally not good places to meet someone.

[ecojeanne]

it's kinda sad that she is going to miss out on seeing you. you seem really nice. more fool her!