In Love with Two People at Once?

[MysteryMan123]

In Love With 2 People at the Same Time?
I am in love with two people, at the same time, and it is simply torture. I know some people will say that one is love, the other is lust, but I only know what my heart is telling me. I just don't know what to do, it's hard, and complicated, and I just need to vent, and ask for some anonymous advice.

The Details:
I am 25, have dated the same girl for more than a year now. we'll call her Sarah (not her real name). Sarah is a great girl, we have literally nothing in common, but that makes it fun at times...at other times it makes it torture. I told her I loved her 9 months ago, and I meant it, oh God did I. At that moment I was the happiest man in the world, she said she loved me as well, and I felt as if I were on a cloud. Months passed and we still loved each other, we still do, but we drifted a bit. She moved a bit further away, it's mainly phone calls and texts now, but we still have the foundation of love that has been set for over a year.

Ok, so we've met Sarah. Let's call the other girl Paula. So, I have known Paula for 3 or 4 years, we had a fling a while back, we have kept in sporadic contact since, but I have always thought about her, some people you just can't forget, or truly leave behind. We started talking again, quite recently, and I honestly never expected anything to come of it...I knew she was special, and I knew I was in love with Sarah, so I figured, "what the hell, we should meet up again, I miss her." When I met with her it was simply amazing, I took one look at her and couldn't look away the rest of the night. I was happier than then I have been in years, or ever.

So, the answer is easy, right? Paula would be the one to go with? Well, it's not that simple.

I still love Sarah, but have everything in common with Paula. Literally everything we like is the same, if you were to quiz us we would probably answer the same 8/10 times. Sarah and I have a good foundation but it's starting to feel like maybe we are just two people who love each other, but aren't right for each other. Paula, on the other hand, is a breath of fresh air, but she is more of a free spirit, and may break my heart, whilst Sarah will always be there.....is that a horrible what to look at it?

I know Sarah loves me, and I feel Paula loves me, and I feel like an awful person for loving two people at once, as I'm sure someone will end up getting hurt, but I can't help how I feel.

Love is magical and amazing, but it also hurts more than anything I've ever experienced, now I have love x2, and it's only that much harder.

~~~The question~~~

Have you been in a similar situation?
How did you handle it?
What are your general thoughts on the relationships I described?

[febling]

It honestly just sounds like the distance between you and Sarah is getting to you. I'm not so convinced you "love" Paula.

And from what I've found, having a high number of common interests doesn't equal love or even like. I have friends that have a lot of common interests and if I were to date them I'd wind up pulling my own head off. Usually two people who are VERY similar don't work in relationships.

And you say "just two people who love each other" in regards to Sarah...what do you mean "just"? That's how it's supposed to be. It isn't supposed to be logical.

Stick with Sarah and see if you can make the distance thing work. If, after several months, you grow more distant, have a talk with her. Make sure you don't cheat on her, but if you really love her, give it a chance. If Paula really loves you (which you seem to have zero evidence towards), she'll wait a few months to be with you. But if she's a free spirit, that doesn't sound so stable anyway.

Bottom line: give it time with Sarah. Try to make it work before moving on to someone else. That road will lead you to ruin.

[Jman39]

thats tough, while i dont necessarily have advice to give about this- i will say this, LOVE is taught to us by society, between 2 ppl.... however, thats may not be true, the way u feel is the way you feel... but in the end u DO have to choose....

I mean, a parent can love all her kids the same right? and not have a favorite, i think its okay to love more than one person... but u just gotta make the commitment with one.

[EnjoyingLife]

Hi MysteryMan123,

I was in a similar situation as you are. The men had the traits of the girls you described as well! I am still with the safe, fun, long distance relationship man who moved back to our state after 2yrs long distance relationship (it can work if you both make the effort). We don't have much in common at all but we have a lot of fun and are very supportive of each other. The free spirit man I had a strong feeling for and thought he was 'the one' I still think of even yrs later but realise that it was just lust and we were too similar and inconsistent. He is now with someone else and I see him occasionally at work (my heart still pounds when I see him). Nothing ever fell into place for us but everything has just slotted into place for my partner and I. Sometimes you just need to follow the path of least resistance with relationships but you do need to be happy! I think you should stay with Sarah and if you become unhappy maybe break up with her and have an affair with Paula. I know this sounds harsh but you may need to get Paula 'out of your system' to stop thinking about her otherwise you may still be thinking of her years later.

Good luck!

[MysteryMan123]

@EnjoyingLife
This is such a great response....I have been thinking about what to do for days now, and this definitely helped!! Thank you, I'm still running through what to do, but I'll update back when I know, thanks for your honesty

[EnjoyingLife]

Glad I could help and let me know how you're going! Good luck and just make sure you do what makes you happy because you only live once!

[Kaius]

Sorry you really can't be in love with 2 at the same time. By loving one, you are betraying the other. Your heart can only be true to one.
If you had to choose, you pick the one you want to be committed to. But there is no way you want to commit to both equally.
Think of it like this, you have one vial of antidote, and the 2 girls are both poisoned. You can only save one. Choose.