Seperated by half a world

[Kevz]

Hi everyone, I am in a dilemma I was wondering what others thoughts where. I am a college student and have met this really amazing girl a few months ago. I am usually a very shy person and at first I was hesitant to make moves on this girl. After breaking the ice at the local bus stop we traveled to school on, we become friends and had chats every once in a while whenever we happened to run into each other on the bus. Lately, things changed for the better, she decided to stay on the bus past her stop when I told her I had nothing to do tonight and asked if I wanted to hang out at the mall with her. Acting somewhat apathetic I said yes so that my feelings would not show. Our hangout at the mall quickly turned into a date. We started to ask each other what each others hobbies where, about each others families, favorite places to eat. She told me she loved ice cream, so I took her to the ice cream store. We picked out our favors and she bought for me after I pleaded for paying for both of us multiple times. We sat down ate our ice cream. That is when she told me that she would be moving back to her home country within a few days and wanted to see an American football game and have somebody teach her the rules before she left. After this we walked around took some photos at the local phone booth and hugged and parted ways what just seemed like a lucky one time hangout. Here I thought that this was over for good.
I remembered the local high school football game was playing for Thanksgiving. She loved the game, started taking pictures, met my friends and had a good time. Here she told me that if she wasn't leaving she would go out with me, I said the same because I liked her but it wasn't that serious at this point. I then invited her to my family's Thanksgiving dinner since she had no prior plans and I taught it would be nice for her to have the entire American experience before leaving. I do not know what happened next, but it was as if magic was in the air. She loved the food, my family loved her, got along great with my grandparents, everything was perfect. After a great day at Thanksgiving dinner she said she would be free all night and invited her to black friday shopping with my sister. For hours, we were out in the freezing rain, but none of that mattered, it was her I knew I found the girl I truly loved. She was cold after 4 hours so I walked her home said goodbye.
I knew that our goodbyes were just not right, I was hesitant to say what was on my mind. The following night she was leaving for good at 330, I got off work at 2, had my friend drive me to pick up flowers and a card to say my final goodbye. It was almost as if I was in a romantic movie or something. I texted her to come out side and hid my presents. When I gave them to her and she read my card she broke down in tears, after all ready being upset earlier. I told her I did not want to lose her and I promised that next summer I would come visit her in her country. She then looked me in the eyes and said I love you and wish we could be together, that she did not want to go. I told her that while our time was short I felt like I had known her for years. We proceeded to hug, and stood there embracing each other for what seemed like an eternity.

My question to the forum is this: for the first time in my life I have found a girl that truly understands me, smart, intelligent, pretty, nothing more a guy could ask for. I have been in relationships in the past and I have never truly felt so strong about anyone. No I am not love sick, she is different. Is it wrong to even consider a long distance relationship with a person who I cannot visit for almost half a year. I am crazy about her, but I feel that it is almost not fair to have to put her through the agony of having to wait for me and that it would be wrong to not allow her to find someone in her own country that could be there for her. I cannot bear to think about her being lonely. Is it best to try to keep her as a friend and wait and see what happens when I come and visit or am I making a huge mistake.

[doppelgaenger]

I've been in this exact situation three times, playing as the guy from America who is interested in the foreign girl. Got my heart broken all three times, because I was infatuated by them, and to them I was just a piece of pie. They took things seriously when we were together, but as soon as they went back it ended pretty quickly. I've also waited for 8 months just to see a girl with whom I thought I had a good connection with... that ended up a complete disaster. I was in a relationship for two years filled with ups and downs - love/hate rollercoaster. In retrospect it was a nice little romantic 'detour' but it only set me back. I don't think you should make these kinds of investments in relationships and women. You and I are college-aged guys and we should just enjoy dating and women without serious commitments. Girls are a dime a dozen, don't limit yourself.

In the meantime, just date her and enjoy it, but realize that it will all have an inevitable end.

[Gratedwasabi]

It's not going to work if you're in different countries and spent that little time together. I'm sorry, it just won't. People in different states that have been together for years prior have great difficulty and typically fail; different countries and a couple dates just won't make it.

I'd recommend just staying friends and communicating as only that. Maybe sometime the road it can work out but lingering over it now will only cause pain.

Sorry..

[Kevz]

I know it has been awhile since I last posted this. As of last week we are trying a distance relationship. Any advice on how to make this work, neither of us have been in a long distance relationship before.

[RockNRoll]

Not sure if I can be of any help on this topic, it sounds tricky, but I wish you all the best.
You can not be in a long distant relationship forever, so in the long run either distance or relationship will be gone. So to save relationship, you need to think and communicate about chances and options of living in the same place.

[Boisdevie]

The words 'distance' and 'relationship' don't work. You hardly know this girl and you don't even have a relationship. OK if you have spent serious time together and perhaps (gasp) even had sex a few times then it might be different. My friend you are living on another planet it you seriously think that this will work. Find somebody who lives in the same town as you - they you can physically see them. OR really work on your masturbation techniques cos that's all you're gonna get.

[xxazurexx]

Awwww, such a sad story.

I say go for it and despite the distance.

I'm a believer in that if it is 'true love', it will find a way and that true love stands the test of time.

I think long distance can work and if the feeling between parties is 'mutual'.

[Raze]

^^ No offense Azure, but that sounded like you took it straight out of a Disney movie. Reality is not a fantasy. Let's be realistic, long distance relationships DO NOT WORK. I've tried it many times when I was a naive child and you can't make it work. If you have a work life, it would be impossible to schedule it around work hours. What are you going to tell your boss? Hey, Boss, I need to take off work so I can meet this girl in another country. Also, you need a valid passport. You need to buy airplane tickets every time you see this person. Airplane tickets could be expensive. Also, there's no guarantee that you would ever get there.

If you decide to live with this person, you would need to obtain valid residency in that country. You would have to adopt to their way of life. Their culture could be completely different. You would have to find work in that country if you decide you want to be with that person.

Also, if that person decides to live in your country, they would have to do the same thing.

Finally, there's no guarantee that the relationship would work and she could be using to obtain residency in your country.

Sorry, this isn't Disney.

[doppelgaenger]

I tried once, and that was enough for me! I don't believe in that true love stuff.

[devonbrown]

I've said it before, but I think it is worth repeating here. Distance itself is not something that will make or break a relationship. However, distance is the ultimate magnifying glass. It will make any problems you may have much bigger. And it will make the longing to be together that much greater. If you two can stay honest and understanding with each other, distance does not have to be an issue.
Good luck.

[HeartIsAching]

It's not going to work if you're in different countries and spent that little time together. I'm sorry, it just won't. People in different states that have been together for years prior have great difficulty and typically fail; different countries and a couple dates just won't make it.

I'd recommend just staying friends and communicating as only that. Maybe sometime the road it can work out but lingering over it now will only cause pain.

Sorry..

You're absolutely incorrect. Ok, the chances against it are huge, but it has happened, and it can happen - I have a friend that's still happily married to his Thai wife 11 years later. Met her on ICQ.

True story.

[HeartIsAching]

I tried once, and that was enough for me! I don't believe in that true love stuff.

That's because you've never experienced it. I hope you do someday. It's life-altering. Mind-bending.

It's also a little scary how vulnerable you can be to that one person. She could destroy me with a harsh word. I trust her so utterly that she could lie to me without any difficulty... I'd believe her. You have to be willing to be that vulnerable to experience that love.

[doppelgaenger]

I've said it before, but I think it is worth repeating here. Distance itself is not something that will make or break a relationship. However, distance is the ultimate magnifying glass. It will make any problems you may have much bigger. And it will make the longing to be together that much greater. If you two can stay honest and understanding with each other, distance does not have to be an issue.
Good luck.

Distance does make/break a relationship. Simple fact.

That's because you've never experienced it. I hope you do someday. It's life-altering. Mind-bending.

It's also a little scary how vulnerable you can be to that one person. She could destroy me with a harsh word. I trust her so utterly that she could lie to me without any difficulty... I'd believe her. You have to be willing to be that vulnerable to experience that love.

Get off your damn high horse. I have experienced it.

[Stina83]

Sounds like this is something very special! I'd definitely try a long-distance relationship Good luck!

[foreverxlove]

One of my friends married someone they were in a long-distance relationship with for 4 years. They actually met them online and then, in person, they met and within 2 years, they were married. Been married for 5 years now and they seem extremely happy.