Remnants of the past

[Frankston]

What are posters' views on old photos etc?

Two contrasting tales for ye:

1) When my mum moved in with my stepdad, he still had a picture of his first wife in a fairly prominent position. After about a month my ma politely suggested that it was time to pack it away, and my stepdad kinda came to his senses and was like, 'Oh God..yeah, of course.'

2) About 2 months into the relationship with my ex I lent her my laptop as hers was broken. All hell broke loose when she found some pictures of my ex of 6 years ago. One of the pictures kinda looks a bit racey, but the reality is that it's friggin' hot out here in Bangkok (she's topless, but covering everything, including her face, with her hands and elbows) and she's lying on the bed cos we didn't have a sofa at that point in our little flat! My ex was pretty damn shy, and I was merely playing around with a new camera.

Obviously I'd love to hear consoling words like, 'She needs to get a grip,' etc, but I do wonder if it's not a little bad that I've kept them all this time. My other ex, in between photo girl and recent ex, never mentioned it, so either she never came across it, or didn't let it bother her.

My point to the recent ex was that it was an old, pretty much forgotten picture that is buried amongst 1000s from 2004. It ain't in my wallet, or in a frame. I also reassured her that I finished the relationship with the girl in the picture, and was crazy about her (the girl wailing and moaning).

Is it more of a guy thing to keep old photos and letters?

[MerryH]

I don't think there's anything wrong with keeping around old photos. If they're buried along with lots of other photos and not displayed or pined over, then there's no reason for her to be upset about it. So yeah, she kind of does need to get a grip (and stop snooping.)

[sarahprincess]

If it causes trouble with your current relationship, why not just delete them? At least the racy ones.
I know if I came across racy ones like that I wouldnt be too pleased. But, it really isnt any of her business. Though, is it truly worth it to you to keep it and fight?

[Frankston]

I deleted them all straight away in order to demonstrate the fact that she was important.

After 4 days of her acting like I'd cheated on her, I finally became rather irritated with her inability to get over it, and so said, 'som nam na,' to her, which roughly translates as 'serves you right,' as in, serves you right for looking through my stuff. She was seriously offended by this, accusing me of being extremely rude! Now, this phrase in Thai carries about the same weight as it does in English, so I wasn't too impressed with her assertions.

9 days in to the whole sorry affair, I finally lost patience and my temper and jabbered out something like, 'Look, people live together...they take photos...they ****....they share a life....get over it!'

She never let me forget that one part- 'people ****.' She used to repeat it to me and damn me for saying it every time there was an argument.

[Boisdevie]

Sounds like you have a real problem with her. She either has to change or you might only have the choice to leave her. People should not snoop. My ex GF did that which is one reason why she is my ex GF.

[Frankston]

We are officially broken up.....and yet.....I spent the weekend at her place....all a bit of a mess....

[sweetkissesforu]

This is his Ex gf no business snooping on his laptop he should have not loaned it to her

[reeba]

If someone goes snooping they better be prepared for what they find, and not be psychotic about it, unless they were looking for an excuse to break up.

Everyone has a past. She has to accept that. But I would have problems with seeing tons of pics (especially racy ones) of an ex. She should have been able to look at the file's history to see when it was last viewed, etc. But how many pics are we talking here?

My fiance from many years ago died. I kept ONE 5x8 photo of the two of us (and yes it is on the wall in the hallway, and no it is not coming down, and no it is not racy). There are other photos but I got rid of them. The reason why is because I didn't want to explain to someone why I kept holding onto the past. Nothing wrong with keeping some of the past, but you DO NOT KEEP EVERYTHING. Especially things that would hurt a 'normal' significant other.

If you want her back, apologize and tell her that you understand how she is hurt by this, don't keep making excuses or point out how unreasonable she is or she shouldn't be snooping. And tell her you will go through and delete the photos of her except for a few for sentimental sake. If she has an issue with these few sentimental photos, then get rid of her. If she is so jealous of someone who is obviously of no threat to her (blast from the past), then she has serious issues.

[Frankston]

she has serious issues

I think this sums it all up nicely.

Like I said, I deleted everything straight away...it wasn't enough.

I just couldn't win with this girl (see my other thread about crippling insecurity if you can be bothered).

[xxazurexx]

I have no racy pics of me and an ex. Infact, never felt a need to take racy pics.

I have a photo of my first ever love and nobody, but nobody would ever make me get rid of it. I'm not still in love with him, but he was special to me....more special than most I have encountered in my life. I don't keep it on show though, I keep it in my personal stuff. Nobody would find it and unless they snooped.

[Frankston]

I don't keep it on show though, I keep it in my personal stuff. Nobody would find it and unless they snooped.

Yep, same as me. But she has zero shame when it comes to snooping. Her excuse? 'I was looking for a nice pic of you to show my mum.'

1) Several nice pics of me were available via Facebook.

2) Being Thai, our relationship had barely been disclosed to the mum at that point, and the dad knew **** all about it!