Boy friend sleep over but doesn't want move in after a year and half

[coconut nice]

I maybe shouldn't let my boyfriend sleep over my home at the beginnig. We have been together for one year and half, we were colleagues for two years before we start. He sleep over my home almost 3, 4 and 5 nights every week. He does not come early to my home join our dinner, usually come around 9 clock or after, sometime ready a story for kids before kids sleep.

I thought we develop well, he will move in soon. But recently he told me his parents really need he look after, he is the only son, they already around 80 years old. He coudn't focus on my family. He told me he love me, my kids and I am part of his life, he satisfy current situation. All his meaning is he doesn't want move in, just want keep like this.

He rent his only place, his parents has home, plus my home. he looks like has three home. when he want be himslef he stay at his home, when he want with me, he stay with me, when he want with parents he go to his parents. I feel it's not fair to me , I need a man to rely on, my kids already 5 and 7, I am worndering any hurt for my kids if I continue live with him this way.

Or do you think he need pay me some rent if we continue live with this way?

[Kaius]

He should not move in until you 2 are married. Kids don't need mom's live-in boyfriend to be a part of their lives, and then you break up and have a new boyfriend. I totally agree with him NOT moving in.
I am in the same situation, me being the man. My girlfriend has 2 kids same age as yours. I have been dating her more than a year, and we agreed that I will NOT move in until after we are married.
When there are kids involved, you have to be extra careful. He has no obligations towards you until he becomes your husband. He owes you no rent. He needs to take care of his parents, and you have
no say so at this point, because you are only a girlfriend.

[coconut nice]

Then I shouldn't let him come to my home everytime he want, it's too flexible to him. He asked me have a kids for him, I will not do it if he doesn't commit anything to me. I think he want this kind of easy relatinship, doesn't have any responsibility, even if I have a kids for him, he still can leave me when he want.

[gigigi4]

i was totally in agreement w/ kaius until you told us the extra info about him wanting you to have a kid by him but presumably wanting to continue living apart while you have and then raise his child?? definitely DO NOT DO THIS or even consider it. it seems very strange to me that he would suggest this- i can't think of any motive other than selfishness, that is, wanting to be able to visit his cute baby and gf but not having any responsibility or daily challenges, etc. idk hearing that actually makes me think you might want to reconsider the relationship...i also don't like that he makes excuses of his parents when he would be totally justified at this point in your relationship with just honestly saying he's not ready for the commit of moving in, marriage, etc.

[ecojeanne]

what age is everyone...i have no idea how to respond until i know this. how old are you, how old is he, how old are your kids?

[coconut nice]

He told me he want a family before we dating. But he think too much about his own benefical. He feel he has no kids and I have two kids. I told him his mather also have kids when married his father, he answer me his sister already 18 years old that time.

I asked him I need work for support my family if I pergenant again I feel too pressure because of couldn't work. He told me if I had baby he can support us.

On my side, my life with kids is hard, I am afraid of break up. At least he can give me some mental support, feel have companyr sometime.

[coconut nice]

He is 38, I am 36. my kids are 5 and 7. thanks.

[VincenzoG91]

cow milk free

[ecojeanne]

well what i will say to you is : what do you want?

you don;t want another kid....he does? (you are the one who has to have the baby and live with the consequences..make sure before you decide to have a baby that you will be prepared to do this alone if necessary. don't automatically rely on him to support you in this situation)

keep him as your bf. he makes you happy right? he doesn't have to move in just because you think it's time to. you could live like this for many years happily. you should keep him and not have anymore children. do it your way...don't be afraid to be yourself. he won't walk away if he likes you...he may walk away later if having the child and living together becomes pressured. be careful because you have two small children to look after.

[coconut nice]

Thanks for your suggestion, I agree. His mind not very stable, always change, too sensitive, I describe his as a cloud, not star, not sun. He can be a good lover, but not good man can rely on. We keep current status look him as boy friend somehow is good for me. I don't want to jump in a other marriage shortly. But as a woman, sometime feel unsecure. Maybe he is right, he told me if move in, will more trouble. For me I already have kids, I don't need rush to a marriage, it's good for me have a man as a lover.

But for kids, I don't know how to make them grow in a health way.

I always have a question, when is the time let man and woman think about marry each other? Why need marriage, b/z after marriage also can break up.