Women and depression

[damn2010]

so damn ^^ it's about getting her back so that she will feed your self esteem again....just a thought to consider

No...I've had time to reflect and know what I did wrong and whatever.

She really is a sweet, wonderful girl with an amazing personality. I'm attracted to her and I really would like to try another chance with her. I did things for her because it made me happy to see her happy. But you're right, it's not fair if it's to feed my self-esteem but I'm not after her for that reason.

[Legato]

No...I've had time to reflect and know what I did wrong and whatever.

She really is a sweet, wonderful girl with an amazing personality. I'm attracted to her and I really would like to try another chance with her. I did things for her because it made me happy to see her happy. But you're right, it's not fair if it's to feed my self-esteem but I'm not after her for that reason.

I feel the exact same way. After all the changes that have happened to her, I'm still in love with her even though I didn't act like it towards the end of the relationship. But we have had fun since the breakup with each other. Granted she was really drunk one time but she showed me that she still has feelings of being happy with me inside somewhere. I just wish I knew how to handle situations like this. Should I coddle her or just leave her alone and let her work out her own issues? I have ideas about a date this weekend (like watch a movie on the couch and pop popcorn like we used to do) with her but if she is feeling depressed she won't want to do anything.

[damn2010]

Legato, I'm glad to hear at least your girl and you are talking and seeing one another. Mine and I exchange some texts but I usually initiate and she doesn't ask anything about me...but she responds in length. She finally figured out her roommate problems which is one load off her shoulders.

I know with my girl I have to be patient but I'm basically going to check out and concentrate on myself. With depression, it can take weeks, months, or even years for some people to dig themselves out of a rut. I know with my girl it will probably be a few weeks or so before I hear her "back to normal". It just hurts because I put myself out there and really care for the girl and she sort of did a complete 180 on me.

I think for your situation you might want to tell your girl that you're cool with doing something if she's feeling better and to just let you know. Leave it at that and start making other plans. Don't wait on her!

[Legato]

wow. she had roomate problems too. Are we talking about the same girl? haha. I'm going to assume there are two different people with very similar problems.

I'm not going to wait on her. I havent been waiting on her. I want to break down and tell her how I feel but im just gonna play it cool and go with the flow until I see an opportunity.

I want to see how similar our gf are, BUT, me and my girl broke up about a month ago but we have hung out and we made out with each other while we were drunk recently. We dated for about a year but about 6 months ago she moved away and started nursing. She started having different feelings in about May and it was all downhill from there. I fell out of the relationship which I think pushed her away. We just started going through the motions. But now I see how special she is to me.

But yeh she has had a lot of problems stack up on her and I want to help her be happy about her job and stuff.

[trouble_sleepin]

Yeah, I agree. She must feel pretty overwhelmed at the moment so a little time out of the relationship can be a better alternative for you guys. I mean, keep in touch with her. I think she genuinely cares about you and really wants the relationship to work out. So basically just show her that you'll support her and that you'll be there, even throughout these hard times. And I hope that you guys can try being together again when she starts to get out of her depression.

[trouble_sleepin]

I feel the exact same way. After all the changes that have happened to her, I'm still in love with her even though I didn't act like it towards the end of the relationship. But we have had fun since the breakup with each other. Granted she was really drunk one time but she showed me that she still has feelings of being happy with me inside somewhere. I just wish I knew how to handle situations like this. Should I coddle her or just leave her alone and let her work out her own issues? I have ideas about a date this weekend (like watch a movie on the couch and pop popcorn like we used to do) with her but if she is feeling depressed she won't want to do anything.

Hey, I think that there's a medium between coddling and giving people space. You know what I mean? I think she needs some space, but at the same time, it's good to show your support by being there for her. If she's feeling too depressed, I'd give her a little breathing room. But eventually, she'll want to get her mind off things and I think there's the time where you can have your date. So try to see how she is and take things from there..

[Legato]

Yeh, I'm just going to play it cool. Maybe wait for her to call. I think I'm putting myself out there too much out of fear of losing her for good.

[damn2010]

Yeh, I'm just going to play it cool. Maybe wait for her to call. I think I'm putting myself out there too much out of fear of losing her for good.

I'm with you there too man. I feel anxious and impatient that I will lose my girl for good. But you just need to busy yourself with YOURSELF and take the relationship as a learning lesson for next time.

Start moving on and before you know it you would have moved on. And if she comes back after you, you take the reins and do whatever is best for YOU. It hurts, I know but you have to. And so many girls wonder why there are no "good guys" anymore? It's because all the girl F' with our heads and we don't trust them anymore!!!

What's her first name btw? I don't think we're chatting about the same girl!! Haha

[Legato]

We will call her MC. I dont wanna do names but thats what she goes by.

My "good guy" days might be coming to an end. haha.

[damn2010]

Hey Legato.

I've realized a lot and it just came from reading a book my ex-g/f told me about. It helped understand some of the problems I did and some of what she is going through.

It is very common for depressed people to push people away...and let me tell you the big kicker. Depressed people CANNOT love others because they AT THE TIME...DO NOT LOVE THEMSELVES. They are insecure, scared, and become distant...with good days and bad! You have to realize it's not that she doesn't love you but she is incapable of loving you because she needs to love herself first. Once she heals her relationship with HERSELF then she can pursue a relationship again. Depressed people are helped by psychiatrists to heal BY themselves. Not their boyfriend, or husband or whatever...YOU are not taught to help her, she needs to help herself and often they just NEED TO BE ALONE to heal. They seriously have altered thinking and situations normal to us are sometimes extra difficult for them.

My ex suffers from genetic, clinical depression and it has been a constant problem for years. I realized today I love her unconditionally and because of that I have to let her go and heal. If I do not let her heal and give her space and I'm always "there" trying to force her to get back with me...she will push me away because I will add to the STRESS and add to her depression. Her mind will say "He is BAD because he wants to FORCE you to think this way". NO, I want her to love herself again and realize that I was a GOOD thing in her life...and if I have to, I have no problem starting over with her again.

Concentrate on yourself, do not wait for her!!! Perhaps tell her to get some help to work on her depression (if it is legit). Check up every few weeks but keep distant still! If you get together again, do not mention your relationship...just have fun and let her feelings for you come back naturally.

If it is meant to be, it's meant to be...if not...take it as a lesson.

BTW - It's not the same girl, haha!

[Regnent]

Some may not agree, depression isn't something you can fix. You can listen, and you can advise or console. But ultimatly, they need to figure out how to cope with their problem. Sometimes it's a personal change, sometimes it's therapy, sometimes it's meds.

[Legato]

Yeah I just have no idea what to do about it. I talked to her today, but she seemed so distant and unwilling to do anything with me. I asked how her week went and she said it was normal. Not good, not bad. I gave her the option of calling me tomorrow if she felt like it since she would be in town. I just don't think likes me at all anymore. All that shit that happened in her birthday I feel meant nothing to her. I can't tell if she's depressed or just hates me. This is the roller coaster ride from hell.