I'm happy more than unhappy BUT...

[love_is?]

Hi all,
Here is the back ground of my relationship:
I am 23 and my bf is 30. We've been together for about 1 year and 4 months. We dated quite a long time (3 months) before he asked me to be his gf. Since then we basically live together even though i still have my own place in case we argue.
In the beginning, i really like him. Since he is somewhat older than me, he seemed to experience about relationship much more and he always stays calm and i used to think it was good for me since he can help keep me in check. I think he is a nice guy and treats me well.He is really patient with me since i have some problem with my previous relationship but he was able to help me get through it instead of leaving me for a fresh start. He does not like confrontation and also does not like to talk a lot. He is also not an affectionate person since he told me he was raised that way...
I knew all this about him well before we become a couple. And i thought it was good for me since i'm an affectionate person who is very responsive ( or sensitive) and is not afraid to communicate about problems in our relationship. However, what used to be his good traits start to become signs of indifference in our relationship.
I am still in school but he graduated and is working already. I try to study but still care for him. I cook for him every day except for the weekend when he come visit his parents and when i am busy with my studying during testing season. He work every day from 6am-6pm so i want him to relax and do whatever he wants when he gets back from work.
So usually we never really spend time together even though we are physically together but he will be on his computer catching up with the news and his games while i prepare dinner than study for my classes. I do not have a problem with this since i think it is reasonable that he has his own time relaxing after work to do his own activities and i can take care of him and have my own time to study since it is extremely important to me.
What i have problem with is he does not treasure remaining time 2 hours before bed to be with me. I only asked for 2 hours since i know he has to wake up early for work the next morning and is tired from the whole day. However,He does not like to hug or cuddle or be intimate with me. He also only has sex with me whenever He feels like it regardless of me wanting it or not.
I am young and i am a passionate person. I like to cuddle and just play around before bed but he doesn't. I told him couple times before about what i like but it seemed to me that either he does not get it or he does not care. The lack of passion in the relationship on his end is frustrating to me and i am considering breaking up with him since i know i deserve to be treated better. I treat him very well and try to understand him and think for him even more than he can think for himself but it seems like i am the only one who is doing anything to keep the relationship going. He is nice but somehow i feel that his lack of care and insensitivity are destroying my feelings and respects for him.
I really don't know what to do since i still love him but deep down i know i deserve better and i did talk to him about all of the concern i have with him. All he said to me is "what do you want me to do?" and even if i already told him what i wanted (sex and intimacy) he still does not get it. I really do not know what i should do. Should i just break up with him or stick it out for a little longer and hopefully he will magically realize that someday?
please help me and respond. I really appreciate your time and effort.

[shicchan]

It's hard to answer and I don't want to give you irresponsible one but...
I think you deserve better, a lot better. I assume you live together. You cook for him every weekday while he does what he wants... You say you don't care about it then it's not a problem, but still... it seems it is to me. Does he let you know how he appreciate you doing so? Maybe not, because he is not good(?) at showing his emotion. But he should. It seems to me that he is not going to change for you and you cannot wait for a magic to happen...
I hope you will take this as one thought.

[girl68]

He's never going to change he truely isn't. He's unaffectionate by nature- you can't force that, he's not a chatty man, nagging won't help, he doesn't like quality time, talking about it won't make him. It will never change, that I can assure you of.

I don't think you're happy I think you're happy that you're not alone... there's a difference.

[love_is?]

Thank you both ur ur very helpful input. I just feel like I could not comprehend how can someone can be so unaffectionate about a person that he claims he loves and i can't seem to wrap that around my head. I understand that passion fades away after awhile but perhaps there should be a level of gentler but deeper affection toward the person U're with overtime?especially to someone who treats you very well?
I don't ask him to show me affection or passion every moment of the day or in front of anyone or anything. All I ask Is whenever he has the time, couple minutes of affection would be nice.
I just wonder if I'm unreasonable for wanting my bf to do this or not.
And yeah thanks girl68 for pointing out the difference between happy and happy that I'm not alone.
I really don't mind being by myself since I'm pretty busy with school as well so I do need a lot of alone time to study. It's just that I find it so hard to understand how can someone claims that they love u yet unable to do a simple thing that u ask them to.
When I told him exactly how I feel, he told me that he does not want me to feel that way and re-assures me that he loves and cares for me. He does try to be more affectionate so I have to give him credit for that but I feel like he only does that because I told him what to do, not what he thinks he should do out of his love for me.
Is there anything I can do to improve my relationship or I should learn to accept the fact that he is just like that and no matter how well I treat him, he will be who he is.

[girl68]

After 5 years dating a man like that I dumped him. After 5 years of trying to tell him what I want and need he failed me each and every time. He needs a girl who doesn't like to be touched, and is quiet and boring. I am not she.

In my own personal expereice there is absolutely nothing you can do to change him. You've already tried to ask and he's failing you.