Me of all people... confused about attraction? WTF?!

[kronos51]

Heh, I personally prefer the straight up being yourself routine. I guess I've never been one for changing myself to be more appealing to the opposite sex . If my girl stays with me I prefer to know its cuz she likes me, not cuz I changed into someone she would like

[Pulchritudinous]

Hey Sk8ter,

It's been a while since I've read Dave's book, but in his Advanced Series, he makes a point time and time again that his material is for DATING only. He says something along the lines of this is why it's called Double Your Dating. Dave states that relationships are a totally different ball game. I've heard little to none of his insight on how a relationship should be done, but the way he talks on the DVD's, he sort of implies that his techniques don't necessarily work in the relationship department. Hope that helps. And it would be kick-ass to hear some success stuff from you guys using the stuff.

~P

[Pulchritudinous]

Hah, okay, I got the newsletter this morning and Dave says for a relationship, "If it works, keep doing it." Hmm...

"I'm going home with guy A. because he's real; he's confident enough to debate me; and he is witty. not lame. guy b is lame. guy c is scary."

This is really what Dave is trying to get at Sleepy, though I can see where you can get the, "Being a jerk" part from. It shouldn't be about, "ha ha ha hyuck hyuck where did you get your shirt? what's the matter with your shoes? <something trite, trying to be cocky and funny>" but rather actually being a challenge with conversation that's witty and engaging...like a little game. For my ex, she would try and put her hand in my back pocket as we were walking in the mall. I always made a big deal about it. It became this social game of her trying to achieve her goal, (see: Operation Hand-On-Ass) while I was always slipping just out of her reach with something clever (see: Operation Slip-The-Leash). This type of communication was incredibly fun for us both. For example, when she made the go for the pocket I would respond:
"You don't see me grabbing your boob while we're walking."
I would let her put her hand in the pocket, then put my hand in her shirt pocket, and say, "A pocket for a pocket."
I would shout, very loudly, "Oooooh! Ow! That's my ass, not a stress ball!" and then she would quickly pull her hand out as old people were turning, only to find me kissing her.

Hopefully you kinda see where I'm coming from. I think if that's the type of communication you've got going Sk8tr, then stick with it.

~P

[King Zarathu]

Pulchritudinous:

That's the best ****in' piece of advice I got on this thread, lmao. I know EXACTLY where you're coming from. This problem is solved.

Thank you all much,

and much thanks to Kronos51 too.

[sleepy]

Pulchritudinous,

thank you for your thoughtful response, and i do think my judgement of david d was hasty. a lot of the guys i have run into have *not* been using him on your level. my friends and i have run into a lot of the "nice boobs did ya buy 'em" types. they are fun to play with ironically, but frustrating when you are actually trying to find someone to love.

at its best and finest form, i agree, the stuff works, it does help make an A guy. it's teasing - i love being teased. even "neg-hits", if used properly, are a way to individuate a girl - tell her you notice her flaws and they make her unique.

it's interesting, i have been looking around the so suave forums; i'm thinking of writing a paper on the re-masculization of society; (title in progress :p) and there are some lines there, that, admittedly, would work on me.

so, now, when i tease sk8r, i will do so because he is so clumsy at the game, not because he is playing it.

thanks again for your reasoned response; much-appreciated.

[Killerbabe]

okay well here's my question:

i know that at the beginning, like, when you first see a girl you want to attract, you have to give off the attitude "i don't care what you think of me" and you basically act like a jerk.

anybody disagree? look at reality:

ladies, notice how there are times when DOZENS of guys are dying to go out with you, except for that ONE guy who doesn't want you and he treats you like shit?

*cough* enough said.


now, this attitude makes the girl want you badly!

what's the attitude i have to show in a long-term relationship to make the girl want me badly too? (long-term as in 8-10 month)

LTsK8eR2gO,

Why are you asking this in the first place? Does it seem like your girlfriend does not want you badly?

I bet she does anyway. There really is little point in trying to impress someone you've been dating for 8-10 months. In a relationship, two people are supposed to be opening up to each other in hopes of forming a lasting bond of understanding, appreciation and unconditional love.

The more you act up, the more you'll distance yourself away from her and even if the whole bad boy act makes her want you, in the long run she'll be yearning for someone she can have mutual understanding with.

Basically, here's how the whole "bad boy" thing works on girls: she sees this badass guy and instantaneously wants to have his favor/liking, since he's so badass that'll make her feel more confident about herself. She's infatuated with the bad boy attitude but at the same time she's wondering whether there's a completely different side to him. The anticipation of "breaking through" and getting to know the real HIM keeps her excited posing a challenge. Psychologically, she wants to know you inside out because she feels that she can aquire power over him that way. But in the process of getting to know the real him she finds herself in love, therefore the quest for power is gradually transformed into a quest for a close bond with the person she loves. Given that, all else loses its importance and other, more mature, less shallow desires take place.

Given that you've been dating for 8-10 months I suspect that she knows the real you already, so matter how much you control the disclosure process. It would be silly to act the way you acted in the beginning (unless you're trying to revive certain memories.)

[nomas]

I know this is probably way too late, but I have an opinion.

All I'm saying is..I bet you probably agree with me that you shouldn't try to force anything. If it works out, it works out, if it doesn't, it doesn't. I know it's easier said than done because sometimes we really like someone and we really want to get their attention...this is especially true early on in a relationship, because afterward it's easier to keep hold of someone, if only due to the fact that you're used to it and we humans don't like change, so we keep at the current situation...which is a sad reason many couples stay together and long distance relationships don't work.

But the fact remains, it's a trade off. If you start off a relationship mindful of acting a particular way to have her attention, you probably started off in the wrong foot and there will come a time (say 8-10 months) when you'll get anxious about your situation, not knowing whether you've shown here the real you and worried that if you do you'll loose this relationship..and this is a change you do not welcome... The alternative is to be yourself, and it's true that if it's not a flashy one, you'll have a smaller number of candidates who'll give you the time of day to see what you're about..but maybe the quality will be a little better..

I guess I was confused as to whether you're in this relationship now..or you want it to get to 8-10 months.

But that's irrelevant to the point.

Freddie