I cant make her go...

[Raven_Skye]

Yeah, just wanted to throw in that above two posts don't count for every single virgin out there. I was 18 when I lost my virginity, and within a year we were doing some serious kink, and threesomes etc. And I know from friends that I am not the only one. Ok, we're easy with sex here (Netherlands, Europe) but just wanted to say, doesn't go for every virgin.

[Boisdevie]

Some women just can't 'let go'. I was with my ex- partner for 8 years and in that time she had probably two very minor orgasms and ultimately it was so frustrating. I"m not a selfish male and if I can't give my partner the ultimate pleasure than I get pissed off - and yes, I tried fingers, tongue, absolutely everything.

[Avg.]

Maybe you guys can masturbate together. And when she feels she's getting somewhere, you watch or help her out with your hands. Reaching orgasm without a penis is really important.

Another thing is loosening up. The more tense the body is, and the less free your mind is- you cannot orgasm. This is from experience. It's impossible to. Tell her to delve herself in the experience and to really love what's happening to her. In fact, have her read this thread.

Or, go sex toy shopping together. Maybe she can invest in a vibrator and she find her spots first and then help you out. Let her know that masturbating is completely okay and more than acceptable. In fact, preferred.

[Avg.]

Coming from a girl that has probably experienced every type of orgasm possible- it's not you guys (unless you're very selfish in bed) it's US.

I can count on my hand the amount of times I HAVEN'T had an orgasm with my ex-partner. It's usually because I suspected him to be cheating, I was too busy trying to give him the best orgasm and putting my self second, very dehydrated, or worried/self-conscious.

I don't care what anyone says, with real sex you should be speaking in tongues or so lost in each other you have no words. There is definitely a trust issue between you guys...

[originalsince85]

Well thanks for everyone's input... I don't feel so worried now! I was hoping it would just be a matter of time for her to get more comfortable with the whole thing etc and not be worried whether she is doing it right or pleasing me!

Everyone's post is totally appreciated, really just wanted to have that confirmation that my circumstance isn't unique! haha! Or that it was not exactly my fault per say!

I would just like to say to Avg. that there are no trust issues between us whatsoever. We live 350miles apart, and so trust is a major key, as in any relationship, and not at any point is there any lack of trust between us.

Giving your opinion is appreciated, but it's a little strong to try and make a statement of fact when really you only have a slither of information. There is no one in the world i would trust more with anything, and her with me. Thank you for your concern though.

Also, in relationships where there has been a major lack of trust it hasnt stopped either party having 'real sex' or having an orgasm.

[red_sparrow]

oh, the poor thing! i feel horribly sorry for her. sex is one of the best aspects of a relationship. i highly doubt its anything YOU'RE doing wrong. you care so much about how you are treating her in bed that its quite endearing, and shows that you love her. i don't think you could do anything more. maybe you should advise her to see a doctor.. i mean, it can't hurt.

[Zaza]

To the OP -- I would also like to submit that you try the following:

As you said, you've done the caressing / gentle and the roughy and heavy. Why not give her a little of both. Take a special night, get a good dinner, have a couple glasses of wine (don't get drunk, but get relaxed), and slowly start some non-sexual contact. Maybe a bath, followed by a massage, etc. Sometimes you just need to let the anticipation build. All the while, keep telling her that she's doing a great job and really turning you on. Encouragement also goes a long way. Finally, I'd go out and buy a good vibrator. As ridiculous as it sounds, vibrators are a GREAT way to get your girl going. I know a lot of guys are hesitant on this because they don't want their girl to get hooked on the vibrator instead of them, but this is not something that actually happens. At the end of the day, she wants to be with YOU. Use a good vibrator and work it until she goes. I think you'll find she'll get there. And once she does, every time after that will be more natural, faster, and easier... plus she'll feel even more comfortable with you.

And just so you know, you're not doing anything wrong. As many have posted, some girls take a long time to get comfortable enough to orgasm. Indeed, some men find that it takes several years till their partners reach orgasm. The truth of the matter is that some women just have to break down some mental barriers till they'll be ready to let it happen. But some adequate stimulation (i.e. a good vibrator and a long, anticipating night) will certainly help. Follow these steps and I'll be surprised if you can't get her going by Christmas!


Cheers!

[red_sparrow]

I've never met a virgin who has gone from a virgin to a filthy overnight. It takes some 'experience' before the girl fully develops her inner dirty side. Give it some time.

Speak for yourself. Happened right here.