Long Distance Relationship help

[Cleaver]

First of all i am a 17 year old male, and have a girlfriend that is 16 but very mature and we see each other on webcam everyday and talk for like 3-4 hours, let me start off saying that i have only had 1 other girlfriend when i was 13, and my current girlfriend is amazing but i am concerned. She lost her mom 3 years ago, so she has been living with her father and throughout the years she has hooked up with 5 guys but never dated anyone, i am her first boyfriend, and there was this hook up of hers a couple of years back that really helped her out on her grieving process and was there for her , recently she went to a church meeting and he was there, he talked to her and she recently told me that she felt happy and the moment she saw him all the feelings suddenly came back and she felt needed, i love this girl and after telling me that she told me she doesnt feel affection for him and that she loves me, she is the type of person that needs constant physical presence, and this first new relationship of hers is a long distance one, where i live in the US and she in Brazil. I visit there twice a year, on during summer break for 2 months and winter vacation for 20 days. I know its hard, we are young but i love her i want everything to go right, i know she lost her mom and feels lonely and needs someone by her side, and i feel helpless, she tell me she feels so lonely and it hurts inside of me, because i feel powerless , i fear all the time, that she is going to leave me for someone close to her to be there with her,
and I feel like i will never substitute her past guys or something, i feel like all of them will always have a place in her heart that i wount be able to fill, i love her so much

She says its the distance that is killing her and how we arent close , and that she needs me there with her,

i need some advice

We have been going out for 5 months already, everything seemed perfect

Also i bought a ticket to Brazil to go in 2 weeks and all of this just happened, i want to go there and be happy with her

[liamchico]

Wow. This is crazy.
I was just in a relationship very much like this. I'm 18, she's 17. We had been together 11 months... until last night, in fact. Although we don't live quite as far away as you do (I'm in massachusetts, she's in texas), we saw each other less than the two of you.
First, I'm sorry. I know what long distance is like, and I'm like her in that physical contact means a great deal to me. It is very hard, and there's no way around that.
The most important thing is to remind her that it's hard for you too, but you want to stay with her ANYWAY because you love her so much and don't want to be with anyone else. Hearing that often from you would help her a lot, trust me.
Being able to look forward to the next time you will meet also helps. Try planning what you will do together. That helped me a great deal.

On another note... You are young. We both are. I, in fact, an must beginning to figure all this stuff out and it sounds like you are almost there as well. I'm still a mess from this breakup, but here's what I think so far.
Relationships at our age are funny things. A first girlfriend, especially a long distance one, will make you feel like that is simply the only girl in the world. As painful as that is, you have to remember it. Don't think of her as your only option, simply a girl you get along with very well. Things may not work out. In fact, they probably won't. Enjoy yourself and follow your heart. If your heart leads you to this girl, then stay with her for as long as it works out. But if things go badly, you can't cling to this too much. Breaking up the first time is HELL. I promise, if it happens, it will get better fast. Hang in there, and remember that things will work out in the end whether you're with her or someone else.

On a brighter note. Distance was not the cause of my relationship's end. It may be hard, but if you two really are meant to be then it will not stop you from being together. If worst comes to worst, remind her that it will be extremely hard to be with someone nearby knowing that her true love is really you. We must follow our hearts and stay with who we truly love, no matter how far away they are.
Best of luck

[Cleaver]

thank you for your response, i agree with you, love is strong and i pray to God that we will not have to break up,

[devonbrown]

The most important thing in any relationship is care and concern for the person you are with. Distance is tough, but if it is meant to be, distance can't be the reason for a breakup. Think of the distance like a magnifying glass. It is going to make everything seem bigger, scarier, more important, and really shows off any flaws. However, if the feelings for each other are strong, the cliche that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" does apply.
As for the other guy, I wouldn't worry about him too much right now. Just concentrate on her and your feelings for her. The rest can be dealt with later.

[Cleaver]

The most important thing in any relationship is care and concern for the person you are with. Distance is tough, but if it is meant to be, distance can't be the reason for a breakup. Think of the distance like a magnifying glass. It is going to make everything seem bigger, scarier, more important, and really shows off any flaws. However, if the feelings for each other are strong, the cliche that "absence makes the heart grow fonder" does apply.
As for the other guy, I wouldn't worry about him too much right now. Just concentrate on her and your feelings for her. The rest can be dealt with later.

thats really insightful, i see what your trying to say, me and her finished speaking a couple minutes ago, and she said she feels her heart is in the right place and that i am the one for her, she told me that the feelings that occurred days ago served her as a reminder of how she feels for me, and misses me, she told me she talked to the guy today because he went to church and she told me she made it clear that he is nothing but a friend now, she also found out he has a gf now and was happy to hear of it, and that she is extremely happy that she feels that he is only a friend, she told me she loves me and me only.

[devonbrown]

I am glad to hear that. And I hope that things continue to go well for you. Concentrate on each other and then it will always be two people attacking a problem rather than one.

[sadie_genie]

You would have to move to Brazil permanently or she come to the US.

[Cleaver]

I am glad to hear that. And I hope that things continue to go well for you. Concentrate on each other and then it will always be two people attacking a problem rather than one.

Thank you, you guys have been very helpful, i love her very much and i know everything is going to work out

You would have to move to Brazil permanently or she come to the US.

Yes, we have talked about that, im going to start college next year, and our plan is for me to finish college and move to Brazil while she is still in college, and get married, i know it seems like a steep plan but i feel we are mature enough to talk about that subject

[liamchico]

Indeed. I know that it does seem like planning too far ahead, but talking about it can't hurt.
I'm glad things are going well and I wish you the very best

[Mr 004]

Well man, i had been through this , what ever i can tell you is not to chose this way.. you may love her and she may love you the same but this what the life that we are living right now is not easy, thing had change a lot, u know the first main problem would be that you would not be able to meet her often ,, Now this may affects you both as days and days you will keep missing both, all the day you will keep thinking what she is doing with whom she is.. second would be person that your gf interect their you never know u see i am not saying this to hurt you but believed me i had been through this i love a girl a lot she too love me she live in Italy and me in U k we were quite far from each other result their the life she was living , meas u see she was in college she keep on metting new person their also college party and all you see i could not just tell her you see you dont go their or thier this would not be fare so i had just tell her ok u can go to party it ok for me as long you love me i trust you, but do you know what had happen after their as she was alone with some of her friends they meet out some guys their little by little i feel she was going aways from me.. then one day i was cheking on facebook photo she taken to the party,, unfortunlatly for me i saw one her kissing guy their and i really got a hit when i ask her why she did that she told me i am sorry i think i was drunk u know i really think that our relationship wont work so better we end all know bye.. imagine i been 5 years with her before she left country and went to studies now think about it due to this if a relationship of 5 years can be broken now what else may happen, MAN I am not saying this for your bad but i been through this and this hurts a lots so what ever i can advise you is to be hard you yourself and forget her and move on in life,, she got her way you got your way

[Cleaver]

Well man, i had been through this , what ever i can tell you is not to chose this way.. you may love her and she may love you the same but this what the life that we are living right now is not easy, thing had change a lot, u know the first main problem would be that you would not be able to meet her often ,, Now this may affects you both as days and days you will keep missing both, all the day you will keep thinking what she is doing with whom she is.. second would be person that your gf interect their you never know u see i am not saying this to hurt you but believed me i had been through this i love a girl a lot she too love me she live in Italy and me in U k we were quite far from each other result their the life she was living , meas u see she was in college she keep on metting new person their also college party and all you see i could not just tell her you see you dont go their or thier this would not be fare so i had just tell her ok u can go to party it ok for me as long you love me i trust you, but do you know what had happen after their as she was alone with some of her friends they meet out some guys their little by little i feel she was going aways from me.. then one day i was cheking on facebook photo she taken to the party,, unfortunlatly for me i saw one her kissing guy their and i really got a hit when i ask her why she did that she told me i am sorry i think i was drunk u know i really think that our relationship wont work so better we end all know bye.. imagine i been 5 years with her before she left country and went to studies now think about it due to this if a relationship of 5 years can be broken now what else may happen, MAN I am not saying this for your bad but i been through this and this hurts a lots so what ever i can advise you is to be hard you yourself and forget her and move on in life,, she got her way you got your way

I see what your saying, i am sorry for what happened to you, it must be tough, but me and her, are religion oriented people that really emphasize the things we do in life, so we do not party, drink and all that stuff, i guess you could say we are somewhat old fashioned, and i know things appear in a relationship that can be hard on both parties, but i believe that if it is meant to be, she will always continue love me and i her, and thus everything in the future will work out. I hope you find the right girl, and i appreciate your concern