my ex is giving me mixed signals..help!

[zekie]

Hello there! I'm new here and basically left completely confused. My gf broke up with me during the summer. She claimed that due to my current situation, I couldn't give her what she wanted, so broke things off. We were together for about 2 years and were truly in love. She claims that I was her first true love. Immediately after breaking things off with me, she met someone else and he moved in with him within a month (rebound?). I kept out of touch with her for about 3 weeks (she tried contacting me a few times, but I was really terse with her so she got the point and let me be). I nonchalantly hit her up after three weeks to catch up with her one evening. She sounded pretty enthusiastic to hear from me again. We agreed to have dinner....during dinner, I was totally cool and tried to appear that I had moved on and happy with my life. She started talking about our past, how shes always comparing me to her new bf and how he doesnt measure up, and how she wonders what could have happened in the future if we still were together, etc. She bawled several times that evening and left off telling me that because of her strong attraction towards me, she has to keep her distance since she's in a new relationship....the whole keeping her distance thing didn't really work out. We still kept in touch and agreed to some more hangouts. She kept these hangouts a secret from her current bf since he always freaks when we hang or if she even mentions my name. During one of our other hangouts she told me that she thinks I'm the one and that she's never felt this way towards anyone before. After she told me all this, I started to open up again...the flirting started for a while...she invited me to hang with her family during the holidays (all behind her bf's back). She told me that she intended on breaking up with her bf but was waiting for the right moment since he seemed a bit emotionally unstable and didn't want him to hurt himself. So I was patient and put up with this for some time until one day she told me that she is no longer interested in me...that she one day realized I just wasnt the one for her (for the same reason she broke up with me in the first place) and she wants to continue working things out with her current bf. She once again told me she wanted to keep her distance. Again, that didn't last...she still kept in contact with me...but I tried to be terse with her every time she contacted me. After not hearing from each other for a while, I received a text from her about a dream she had of me. She started contacting me a bit more that same week. It seemed like she always came up with an excuse to text me..always about random things. And now she wants to hang out again....as friends, yet behind her bf's back. I'm beyond confused here. One second, she wants nothing to do with me...then the next second she wants to hang out. If she claims to believe that we are no longer meant to be, then why is she constantly texting me? and why does she still want to hang out? It is possible she just wants to be friends...but i dont know.

[Gratedwasabi]

He's her rebound. You're her infatuation. She wants her cake and to eat every last morsel of it.

Either give her an ultimatum to break up with him if she wants to spend time with you in any manner or tell her to leave you alone.

[Zabrinah]

It sounds like you are her go-to person when she is bored or having problems with her actual boyfriend.

This is a two way tango. Every time she calls, you seem to respond, whether you are being terse or not, she is getting a response from you and she will continue to give you "mixed signals" as long as she gets those response.

It doesn't sound as if she is going to break up with the guy she is living with. From what I read, she sounds like a very good manipulator. She knows what to say to get the appropriate reactions out of you. And all those "I'm afraid he'll hurt himself if I tell him about our secret relationship" stuff sound like empty excuses I have heard over and over the years!

If I were you, I would completely let her go. I would not consider trying to be friends. It doesn't really sound like she genuinely likes you anymore. I'm a girl, and the only time I would ever do this ( constantly text a guy, and then tell him I don't like him, and then text him again is) would be because I was bored, lonely, and manipulative all at the same time.


I really hope this helped!

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Author of the blog: How NOT to Fall In Love