Any Hope for an Ugly Chick?

[ammi00]

I'm with doppel on this one. Why going out/ having a relationship blah blah, with someone YOU're not fully attracted to? And as a bonus, you're even ready to admit that; something like "I'm with this girl, she's not very attractive, but I like other things about her and I love her, because looks aren't important". I believe that's such an insult.
thundersw - what's up with that theory? *laughs and rolls on her tummy* Btw, as a lady who loves men, I'm definitely, visually, attracted by how women look as well.
This post reminded me of a lady friend that doesn't have (naturally) very nice features, but who invests (and I'm not talking only about money) a lot in herself. She's now following some professional make-up classes, she always makes sure she's wearing the perfect make-up, perfect colors, suitable hair-do and clothes. There's a huge difference between how she looked 2 years ago, and now.

[vertical_sky]

Okay, i saw your picture and i think either

1. You really think you're OK-looking and are just looking for approval / compliments
2. You haven't seen REAL ugly people (as I have)

Here's the best way to describe my thinking. You look up at the daytime sky. The sky is blue. You think this is obvious. But another person comes, stands next to you, and comments," My, the sky looks orange today." You are about to correct them, when a third person says," Yes, definitely orange." Soon, a whole crowd of people are commenting on this orange sky, where you're still seeing blue, and you begin to wonder if maybe your eyes are broken.

If you stuck me in a bubble, all by myself in some Twilight Zone universe, I'd probably look in the mirror and go," Eh, not great but not too shabby." But out in the world, suddenly it seems my perspective is wrong. VERY wrong. Not only do I not look anything like people considered beautiful/pretty/sexy, but the way people respond to me is of the "Well at least you have a great personality" variety.

And while everybody has horror stories from their high school years, I was bullied constantly about my looks.... How fat I was, how f'ugly I was, how I was going to die a virgin because not even a drunken shriveled old man would want me. Some kids actually locked me inside a locker for hours because they said I was too ugly to look at.

So if you spend your entire life being told the sky is orange, and yet you're still seeing blue, who is crazy... them or you?

[girl68]

You're still delusional 5 pages of randoms have told you differently. Yet you choose to only believe the bullies. Think about that for a second. We unbiased see your blue sky, believe us.

[ammi00]

vertical_sky, I'm not quite sure what you're trying to prove (and I'm not talking about your little example with blue vs. orange sky) or what you want.

[vertical_sky]

vertical_sky, I'm not quite sure what you're trying to prove (and I'm not talking about your little example with blue vs. orange sky) or what you want.

I was mostly trying to explain to red_sparrow that I WASN'T trying to get 6 pages of compliments. My original question was not "AM I ugly?" but "IF I am, can I still have a satisfying love life?"
I honestly just felt a little insulted that the poster thought I was fishing, that I couldn't ACTUALLY think I'm unattractive, pretty much dismissing my feelings and years of experience.

@Girl
It's not just been the bullies. Most people in my life treat me as if I AM ugly. Past boyfriends have made it clear that they see my looks as the price of admission; they can deal with the ugly because they get a nerdy girl in exchange, but if a HOT nerdy girl ever came along, I'd be toast.

What I hate is always having to compensate for my looks. I have to be SO impressive, as a person, that guys "overlook" my lack of attractiveness, and it gets old and depressing. I wanted to know if there were guys that wouldn't fixate on looks, that it was possible to love a girl without taking looks into account at all. (As opposed to past boyfriends, who loved me because I was "fun if ugly.")

[Georgia]

Hiya. ure not ugly don't worry.

[Gribble]

There is no if, VS. You aren't ugly. That isn't a compliment. I'm just stating a fact. And I don't mean it as a compliment when I say you could be exceptionally beautiful if you chose to be. You need to work on your confidence big time though.

Hypothetically, if someone is ugly will that person find love? Absolutely, though probably not with a stud of a man.

[Regnent]

arg. The fact that you feel like you're compensating for your looks is shooting yourself in the foot.
Wondering if an ugly person can find love is -negative-, and pouring salt on said foot.

Seriously, you're beating a very dead and unattractive horse.

There's different kinds of 'looks', and different kinds of lookers. Everyone is ugly to someone, and everyone is beautiful to someone else.

Fixated on looks or not, there are people who will find you attractive. Attractive isn't just looks, it's also your additude towards yourself.

A simple example; If you think you're nose is ugly, and you come across someone that says hey, I think you're pretty, and I love your nose.
You're going to take that as a negative, you are going to assume that they are being insulting. The possibility that maybe, that person really likes your nose doesn't exists because you are not open to the possibility.
So what is 50 people don't like your nose, one does, and that's what matters.

As long as -you- feel that you're not attractive, you are not going to be attractive to anyone but an abusive person, or another person who's got confidence issues.

[cindyxui]

find for all kinds of watches and women handbags

replica038.com

[cuttingcrew]

your lack of confidence is really unattractive. you might wanna work on that.

[Incognito]

^^^Thanks for stating what so many other already have, but doing it with no tact whatsoever.

[irrelevant_89]

Sounds like you surrounded yourself with a bunch of idiots in your life. You look good (hell, based on looks alone I'd date you), and some day you'll find someone that appreciates that, self-esteem or no self-esteem (I'd take a girl that lacks self-esteem over one that has too much of it any day), and you'll be all right.

Don't worry about it, you just need to find the right person.

[ammi00]

I think you guys got it all wrong. She's not really asking how she can be more attractive or confident - her problem is "can I have a relationship even if I'm ugly?". Yes, you can. But that's such an insult to yourself and to your partner as well. And why not posting some full pictures of yourself, in which you're looking straight at the camera - so we can see exactly how you look. You have 3 pics of your face in which you're looking away...
Browse for Pearchan...

[Ryan Heitzman]

Wow. You look pretty ammi00 if that's really you.

[ianoulla]

Hello, my advice is do something for yourself, that makes you very very happy, then happiness brings out your inner beauty. Then you start to like yourself, for yourself, then you start to take more care. Stop trying to accommodate men and what they want, do things for yourself, not them. What is it you want in life, be happy with yourself, or bend yourself in all different ways for a man only? I am a very mature woman, in recent times, I took up horse riding recently. Result, I was sooo happy, so excited about my new hobby, that this brought out something new in me. I didn't realise this at first, until almost every day, a man knocked on my car window to tell me I was beautiful having followed me down the street. As I walked around, men made eye contact with me and smiled, said hello, good afternoon or whatever. I couldn't believe it. I'm not exactly the glamorous type + I am a grandmother. I changed my hair, completely..... after years of a safe bob hairdo..... I lost weight quite naturally, over a period of weeks, so now I am nice and toned. I also did lots of exercise in the past, but something about this new hobby has brought something else out in me. This is just my suggestion, I hope it helps. I am a dance teacher and I see people transformed constantly by dance, exactly as I was by horse riding.....