Sick situation in relationship

[damnatis]

I'll try to be as honest as I can be, I hope at least some of you read it all, it's really important to me.

First of all, a short description of our relationship - I'm 23, she's 22 and we are together for 2 years now, she's also my first girlfriend. Sad to say, but in the past I was a lonely, insecure loser, without friends and without any experience with women. It surely affected my way of thinking but eventually I dealt with personal problems and now I can say my life is back on track, mainly thanks to her. Before I met her, I spent all my day in front of computer, I even worked in home so generally I had no social life and this horrific loneliness was killing me inside, I was thinking about suicide every single day. I met her on the internet on a date service, it was like the last hope for me to change something in my pathetic life - I wasn't expecting much, but just on the first day she wrote to me and not so long after we met each other. I was so happy, it was like a dream come true - week ago I felt like the linelines man on earth and now I have a pretty girlfriend. However, it wasn't so easy at the beggining - she was just a month after break up and she said she wasn't ready to start new relationship, I had to try really hard to make things work between us. Finally, after several months, she said she loves me and I thought that from now on everything will be just as it should be.

At this point I have to mention one important thing - she is a virgin, just as I. What's more interesting, she is bisexual - she said this just at the beggining, but I didn't bother about that back then. Anyway, there were almost no intimacy in our relationship and after a year I was pretty much frustrated so I decided to talk about it with her - she said she want to wait with sex till marriage and she just don't feel the need to have sex. I knew there must be something else, but she was repeating the same things over and over so I thought "maybe she says the truth.. well, it won't be easy but I waited so long I can wait a little longer" . Not so long after that, I found out something I couldn't believe in - she was looking for a women to have sex with on the internet. I was ready to break up with her and we almost did, but she said it was a mistake, she loves me and it won't happen again. I believed her. It was almost one year ago and after that everything was fine, well, beside sex life - nothing changed here. You may wonder why was I still with her - first of all, I was saying to myself that "sex is not everything, right?" but it was more like an excuse, I knew it's not normal and sometimes I was really frustrated, but I got used to it, however it sounds. I know it's pathetic, but I didn't want to loose her, overall I was happy with her and I thought "she's the one". Secondly, I was afraid of loneliness, that I won't find anyone else, I was thinking "it's better to have this than nothing, right?". Once again, I know, stupid thinking, but you must understand me - she was my first girlfriend, we were spending a lot of time together and I was simply happy that there is someone who cares about me.

Anyway, back to my "story". As I said, all of this happened one year ago, I hoped that she understood something after all that shit but as it recently turned out, nothing really changed. I've found something even worse than one year ago - I've found out that she was looking for a women for the whole ****in time, she had a lot of active profiles on date services. She was only interested in finding someone to have sex with. This time I was sure - there is no other way than to end this relationship, it really hurt me, I trusted her and I thought our relationship is more important to her than some ****in affairs. When I told her what I've found, she didn't want to admit it. She was denying so hard I almost believed her, she said she isn't looking for anyone, she loves me and there is no way she could cheat on me - but I had no doubts she is lying. I know I should break up with her at that moment, but once again fear of loneliness and losing what I have now was stronger - so I pretended I believed her, but I know that sooner or later we'll break up, there is no way I could trust her again and this relationship has simply no future, it seems that sex with women is more important to her than our relationship. It hurts, a lot, I really thought she's "the one". I know I should end this right now and waiting will only make it harder, but I just can't imagine life without her. When we are together everything seems fine, we always have a good time together, but at the same time I know she was lying to me for the whole time and maybe she even cheated on me. It's killing me inside, but I know that breaking up with her will hurt even more - of course only for some time, but I know it will be a hard time. Anyway, I somehow came to the terms with the whole situation and I started to think more rationally - why should I break up with her now? What benefits will it bring for me? Maybe there is another way? I know this relationship will end sooner or later and I in my eyes she's now more like a friend, even though I pretend that everything is "normal". I will end this if I either meet someone new, or if I will have enough of this bullshit. Treacherous? I don't give a ****, she was lying to me for 2 years so why should I have any compunctions? I forgave her once, I trusted her, I was always ready to help her, I would do everything to her - if this isn't enough, than she probably isn't worth it. She said so many times how good I am, how she loves me and so on - but it's all just words and as things turned out, they are worth shit. Everything I wanted was just a relationship based on trust.

So, that's my story. I hope I wrote everything that's important. I would like to know what do you think about this situation and what would you do if you were on my place?

[sadie_genie]

Sounds like she is a lesbian, not bisexual. It is really low of her to lead you on. I suggest you just break it off because you would dive deeper into pain and possibly drama if you don't end it now. Don't waste your time. You need it to recover and prepare yourself for a newer and better relationship.

[VincenzoG91]

Bisexual virgin? That's a new one. Forget about her, because she has been lying to you and cheating on you for a year. It doesn't matter if she was doing it with men or women or animals. The important part is the lying and the cheating, because it means that she doesn't love you and that the whole relationship is a bad joke. Dump her and move on. She will be free to explore her bisexual virginity, and you will be free to find someone who truly loves you.

[damnatis]

Bisexual virgin? That's a new one. Forget about her, because she has been lying to you and cheating on you for a year. It doesn't matter if she was doing it with men or women or animals. The important part is the lying and the cheating, because it means that she doesn't love you and that the whole relationship is a bad joke. Dump her and move on. She will be free to explore her bisexual virginity, and you will be free to find someone who truly loves you.

I know it all looks like a bad joke and for me this relationship is theoreticaly over, however I don't see any benefits of breaking up with her right now - I can do this in any time. As I said, I like to spend time with her and now she is more like a friend to me, although she thinks I believed in her lies and everything is as it was. This may sound pathetic, but I feel like it's the best solution in my situation. If I meet someone new or if I feel I don't need her anymore - I'll break up.

[damnatis]

Sounds like she is a lesbian, not bisexual. It is really low of her to lead you on. I suggest you just break it off because you would dive deeper into pain and possibly drama if you don't end it now. Don't waste your time. You need it to recover and prepare yourself for a newer and better relationship.

She insist she isn't lesbian - to be honest I think she isn't even bisexual and it's all just an imagination. In high school she was kinda fat and she had no luck with boys, so to discharge sexual tension she had sex with women. She generally had bad experience with men in the past and now she believes that sex with men is something bad and evil. I wanted her to go to a psychologist because she admitted it all, but this subject always dissapeared after some time. I hoped she will understand this and do something about this, that's why I waited so long and why I trusted her, but now it's clear to me that she won't do a thing about this, even for the cost of our relationship. It's sad, but what can I do?

[sadie_genie]

You can't force her to do things she doesn't want to do. She would have to make the choice for herself. Btw, are there problems in the relationship other than her desire to explore her sexuality to give her a reason to act like this?

[sweetkissesforu]

Sounds like she is a lesbian, not bisexual. It is really low of her to lead you on. I suggest you just break it off because you would dive deeper into pain and possibly drama if you don't end it now. Don't waste your time. You need it to recover and prepare yourself for a newer and better relationship.

I agree sucks but in the end you will benefit after all you did meet her consider her a stepping stone and move on

[ammi00]

Only SHE can know her sexual orientation. The fact that she's bisexual shouldn't represent a problem as long as she'd be sexually interested in you as well, and as long as she'd be faithful to her partner (no matter if her partner is a man/ woman).
You keep asking what you could do, and I agree with everybody else: break up with her. I think you wanna remain together with her out of some selfish reasons: fear of loneliness, fear of not finding anyone else & so on. Have some self esteem, break up with her and move on. You have some issues too, that you should solve, in order to have a normal & healthy relationship.

[IncognitoSir]

She's been taking advantage of you this entire time. She's a LIAR, a CHEATER.....a loser to be honest. She understands your fears and has been using them against you. Don't allow her to do this any longer. I realize you feel this is the best you can do, but let me tell you, I've had BAD relationships that were better than this. YOU can do better, but you MUST end this. Yeah, she might cry, hell she might even beg, but you have to move on, you deserve better than her. BTW, the whole no sex thing till marriage BUT she can scissor with women?????? GTFO

P.S......I'd drop her like a bad habit son!

[MerryH]

...for me this relationship is theoreticaly over, however I don't see any benefits of breaking up with her right now - I can do this in any time.
...
If I meet someone new or if I feel I don't need her anymore - I'll break up.

FYI. this makes you just as rotten as she is. Just because she's mistreated you doesn't give you free reign to do the same to her. Be the bigger person and just break up with her already.

[damnatis]

Only SHE can know her sexual orientation. The fact that she's bisexual shouldn't represent a problem as long as she'd be sexually interested in you as well, and as long as she'd be faithful to her partner (no matter if her partner is a man/ woman).
You keep asking what you could do, and I agree with everybody else: break up with her. I think you wanna remain together with her out of some selfish reasons: fear of loneliness, fear of not finding anyone else & so on. Have some self esteem, break up with her and move on. You have some issues too, that you should solve, in order to have a normal & healthy relationship.

I guess I still have a little hope that everything will be fine between us... To be honest, if we would start a normal sex life, it would be enough for me because this whole situation is entirely related to sex. She could then even find a female "friend", I wouldn't mind - what frustrated me most was the fact that she was telling me all that bullshit about waiting with sex till marriage, while in the same time she was looking for someone on the internet. I feel like a ****in sucker. Anyway, I thought that maybe I should put things straight - I want sex with you, of course not so straightforward but clearly let her know. I don't want to force her in any way or be like "either we **** or break up". I know it shouldn't be like this in a "normal" relationship but as I said in earlier post she have some bad experiences with men and I guess this is the reason why she have a mental "blockade" of having sex with men so maybe that's the way to go? However, if nothing changes, than this is definitely over.

[VincenzoG91]

I don't recognize your flag. Are you from Vichy France?