Don't know what to do..

[foreverlove]

Hi everyone, I'm new here! i have a bit of a dilemma in my love life right now, and I guess I just wanted to explain it to someone unbias. I fell in love with a friend, who I have known for 8 years. We used to be best friends, but life went on and we lost contact (except facebook) Well, one day as I was walking to work, I walked upon his jobsite, and he saw me and ran to me, and gave me a hug. Anyway, since that day, several months ago, we started spending time together. He confessed to me that he had always liked me, and wondered what had happened to me, and that it broke his heart when he saw I was engaged and had had a kid. (I left my fiance in July/09). Anyway, he started really falling for me, and I shortly started having really strong feelings for him as well. He then told me that we couldnt be together, because it was against his culture-He is Lebanese, and I have a daughter, and that is against the culture. Anyway, we fell into a relationship even though we knew we were not supposed to. We kept our relationship pure for several months, but continued falling in love. We got so close that we would be thinking the exact thing at the same time, call each other at the same time. We would always see shooting stars together, and even once, we found a perfectly heart shaped rock on the beach. We took these to be signs from God, to keep going. We kept going, yet his parents (his mother particularly) kept yelling at him about our relationship. He broke up with me three times. The first two times he came back, said he must really love me, because he can't get over me. He never gets hooked on women (which is very true) but he craved me, my touch, my presence, and my voice. Well, he didnt come back the third time, which was last saturday. We saw each other at school on Tuesday (we go to the same college), we chatted for 45 minutes, and it was as if we never broke up! He told me that he can't stop thinking of me, and that he's confused (stand by the one he loves, and disobey his parents and his culture (he's 22, and still lives at home, as per the culture expectations.) or stand by his culture and be heartbroken. See, what we had was very true, and pure. We werent just lovers, but we were best friends... It's unexplainable!
Anyway, he told me on tuesday night, that he wants to take 7 days without us having contact, so that he can figure out what he truly wants. So, after accepting that he has broken up with me, it feels like I am now waiting to be rejected again. I can't move on until I know it's over for good. I have mixed emotion with this. I want to be patient with him, but it is already hard enough not being able to see or talk to him! All my friends tell me move on, and that I deserve better, as any man who truly loves a girl, would do anything to be with her, but I understand that it's difficult to go against his culture. He's convinced his parents would disown him (which I know they wouldn't). His older sister married a white man, which certainly did not make his parents too happy at first, and also his brother is engaged to a woman, who they didnt want him to be with for a long time, but now theyre planning their wedding! I think he is so scared of disappointing his parents, it's shadowing his heart! I told him that I didn't think that he needed a week away freom me, and that what he truly needs is to mature, which won't happen in 7 days. I love him and would be patient for him to mature over time, as his friends... I believe if something is meant to be, nothing can stop it, so if God believes that their is someone better out there for me, then he will find me one day, or if Elias and I are meant to be, we will find our way back to each other, like we did several months ago...

I dont know what I want anyone to say.. It's so tough

[devonbrown]

Take it slow and give him the time and space he needs. You can still be friends with him and hang out and talk and everything. If he decides to be with you, great. If he decides that his family and culture are more important to him than a romantic relationship, there is not much you can do. You may not like it or agree with it, but there is no way you can change it.
Whatever you do, don't give him ultimatums. They only make people back away in the opposite direction.
It is a tough situation, and you are right, seven days will not be enough time for him to figure everything out, but it is what he thinks he needs, so respect that and support him. That will mean more to him than anything.

[reeba]

I'm trying to figure out how long you have been dating him, about 6 months? He broke up with you two time prior? And you say 'he must have really loved me since he came back'? And now he is on the third break up with you, where he wants 7 days to figure things out....?

Don't fool yourself with trying to use that BS logic. If he really loved you he wouldn't have left 2 times prior. If he loved you he would have been more scared of losing you, than being with you.

He came back because 'he missed your touch, presence....' Don't romanticize it. He came back because he was horny.

Give him his 7 days. Then IF he comes back, lay down the law. Tell him point blank that if he does any more of this BS you are not going to take him back. It will NO longer be his decision, but yours regarding if the relationship is to continue or not. Relationships shouldn't be a roler coaster ride where you get continuously hurt by the same person doing the same actions. That is what makes people bitter and ruins them for future relationships.

Family and culture complicates things a little, but he has 2 other siblings that have already 'broken the ground' for this relationship. And again I'm going to say it, if he really loved you he wouldn't be continuously leaving you.

[foreverlove]

Thanks!
Actually, very untrue that he came back because he was horny. We waited 3 months to have sex, and that was HIS choice. He actually respects me, which most women don't get from him. What he meant was by missing my touch was just that. The way I would run my fingers up and down his arm, massage his head, and his back. He's actually a very respectful man, and to be honest, while he is man, he also uses heart and head. Our relationship was way more about doing things together, such as cooking, star gazing, holding each other on the beach under the stars, walking in the snow, having fun in whichever way we could. Of course we had a sexual aspect of our relationship, but itcertainly was not the main aspect of what we had.

I guess I am scared that he will decide we can't be friends because he won't get over me. I crave his presense. Our relationship was very deep and meaningful, spiritual even. He is one of a kind...

also I would never give him an ultimatum.. his mother does though...