I blew it, didn't I?

[Gratedwasabi]

First of, ARGH. So.. argh. I'm probably a bit prematurely worked up but really depressed by this.

I just got back from a second date with a woman I really like and had a fantastic first date with. We went bowling for this second date. Started off with a beer, casual conversation, we're both sarcastic and witty and exchanged barbs. I didn't really have anything exciting going on to tell her about and she just had school and basically nothing else these last couple weeks. So no serious conversation, just jokes back and forth.

We bowled 2 games and kept up the joking back and forth and she kept complimenting me on my bowling despite how dreadful I was (she's just ridiculously nice.) They were doing leagues at the alley and made us promise to respect "bowling rules." At one point she got up to bowl when she wasn't supposed to and this guy next to us went "COME ON!" and she apologized, he made a deal out of it for a few seconds and then she bowled. There wasn't really time (and it didn't seem like I needed to) for me to get up and tell him to shove off. After she bowled I went up and stood next to her and just made a joke about it and she giggled and joked back.

After 2 games she said she had to get going, walked out, she said she had a nice time and gave me a hug; lingered a bit but nothing sexy-time-ish. Definitely no opening for a kiss.

After I sent her a text to see if she got home alright (it was downpouring) and said I had a nice time and she looked "gorgeous, if I hadn't mentioned it."

I feel like I blew it. I was nervous (and had a bad headache the entire time) and felt like I didn't get any sort of intimacy or physical connection/attraction established. I've never had a 3rd date after failing on a kiss by the 2nd. I have no idea if she's attracted to me. Am I now in the friend zone?

[vertical_sky]

I see no reason to suspect you are in the friend zone. You guys were very jokey and right now IS kind of a stressful time. I would suggest giving her a day to respond to your text, and if she doesn't, call her and ask her casually to come over and watch a movie (unless she is a naive innocent, she should gather what that means... 'tis dating code for "let's make with the cuddling and smooches.")

Don't feel as if you blew it before you actually KNOW you blew it, especially if she was laughing and you were laughing and there was laughter together. To me, that seems like a good sign! Good luck!!

[Gratedwasabi]

I see no reason to suspect you are in the friend zone. You guys were very jokey and right now IS kind of a stressful time. I would suggest giving her a day to respond to your text, and if she doesn't, call her and ask her casually to come over and watch a movie (unless she is a naive innocent, she should gather what that means... 'tis dating code for "let's make with the cuddling and smooches.")

Don't feel as if you blew it before you actually KNOW you blew it, especially if she was laughing and you were laughing and there was laughter together. To me, that seems like a good sign! Good luck!!

I have a tendency to overreact in these situations (I ABSOLUTELY LOATHE THE FIRST STAGE OF DATING! I very much am a straightforward and wear-my-heart-on-my-sleeve type of guy and I feel like I have to hide myself on the first couple dates until we know each other well enough.) Thank you for your post.

I also have a problem in that I get intimate way too fast with women and now if I DON'T get intimate quickly I feel like I've failed.

I'm trying to decide whether I should ask her out for a hike and picnic or over for me to make her dinner and a move next. The dinner one definitely establishes more intimacy, although I know she loves hiking (she asked me why I wasn't hiking with my time off and I said it was because my hiking buddy, a guy, had moved and I had no one to hike with -hint hint-) She also mentioned again how much she wants to like green tea but it's too bitter and how she needs to try making it like I suggested and I said something like "well, you should let me show you the best way to make it. It's not bitter at all if you're really careful." And she didn't react. I was fishing for hints that she was into me. :p

I just hate the not knowing. Gah!

Does it sound like I should have done something about the guy that complained to her about the stupid rules? He was pretty far away from me, I would have had to yell, and I just got up and tried to make her feel better/like the guy was an idiot right after.

I dunno. I'm used to getting more by the 2nd date, makes me very nervous that she doesn't find me attractive. Hmm. She texted me back with "hahaha, hey thanks It was fun!" That's way too friend zone of a text back. Nooo!

[Young&Classy]

It is a second date man calm down!!!! It sounds like you had a good time and you two have a lot in common. When she was complimenting your bowling, (she was flirting with you!!!!) It like the whole hitting means you like someone. You have to pay attention to the small things. If you would of yelled at that guy it might have put her off. The classy thing to do is apologize and stay cool. No reason to start beating your chest like a idiot. You handled it well. She lingered that is good even it if wasn't an opening for a kiss. You want the first kiss to be special so she remembers it. You don't want it around a bunch of drunken middle aged bowlers lol. Don't put a time stamp on a kiss. 2nd 3rd 4th it will happen when it is supposed too. I am not saying don't make a move but make sure you are comfortable with the situation. I hope you told her how good she looked in person and not just in the text. If no it is not that big of a deal but always compliment in person. The smallest things mean the most to women. Wait till she contact you don't follow a text with another. I have made that mistake before when you really like someone. BE COOL maybe hit her up on Saturday or something. If you are going to have her over to watch a movie make dinner as well. it doesn't have to be fancy but make it good not fish sticks and macaroni. Show her you care and nothing says that like let me cook for you. Believe me I am a cook it works.

Don't be down and depressed thinking you blew it you didn't blow shit it was only the second date. I doubt she is upset you didn't kiss her. if it comes up in the future tell her you wanted it to be special. Girls love confidence NOT cockiness but confidence so have some.

Best of luck with it but and just stay cool it is alright to be nervous that means the girl means a lot to you.
'

[Young&Classy]

I just read your post again and ya know what I am a grab the bull by the horns kind of guy. Don't waist time so when you see her again because lets face it you're going too. Tell her " Look (insert name) I really have enjoyed our time togther and I like you!!!!" or really likie or find a way to tell her you are interested. Her text back is no big deal that is how women are they won't come right out and show interest it isn't in their DNA. So the next time you are with her and I would go with cooking dinner tell her you like her. That can also lead to a kiss moment.

[Gratedwasabi]

I did compliment her on the date, just not as strongly-worded as I probably should have. Ie we both were awful and making jokes about which one of us the gutter liked best and I said "obviously you, you're far prettier." and something else.

I've calmed down a little. I'm kind of buzzed and have a bad headache and such so it's a bad combination for making me sane. I'm just glad the first couple dates are over. I hate them. Grr!

Should I ask her out to a hike and picnic for the second date or make her dinner and a movie? I'm thinking the hike and picnic, 'cuz I throw together a mean picnic (a little nice bubbly, some yummy snacks, flowers.)

Thank you for the responses to my madness. It's just my inner worries being unleashed.

No worries, if I get a 3rd date that's where I start getting comfortable. Just those first two make me die a little inside.

[Young&Classy]

Hike and picnic could work. like you said she likes that it just depends on what you are feeling. That isn't a bad compliment line, but next time compliment her directly. DO NOT say you look HOT, sexy, or smoking or any of those dumb ass compliment the majority of us guys think women want to hear. use pretty, beautiful, great something classy and those words mean more than hott or anyother because it says I am not just thinking of you in a sex way you truly are beautiful.

If you go on a hike that is a good time because she shouldn't have a lot of makeup on or anything like so she will naturally be pretty. that helps because she won't think she looks good. Be sincere when you say it don't be cheesy but let her know you mean it that means EYE CONTACT.

[Gratedwasabi]

No worries, I'm a master of good compliments; I gave her a lot on the first date, just didn't seem the best situation this time. Bowling alleys aren't very romantic, especially when you can't stop laughing at how bad you are and how goofy the people around you are. I said a couple other things more directly to her "you know, I'm not sure how you manage to still look so beautiful with bowling shoes on."

I wasn't feeling great tonight (headache and my voice felt dead/scratchy although she said it sounded fine. Too much shower singing. :p ) and I've never taken a woman on such a silly date, much more of a me cooking for her or going out to eat type of guy. I'll bounce back into form. 3rd time is the charm.

[Gribble]

See, I think hiking opens up more opportunity for romance. Dinner and a movie? You sit across the table from each other and chat. Sure, you can say sweet things, maybe hold hands. I always find that difficult to establish, though. And the movie means you won't be interacting at all. Yes, yes dinner and a movie CAN be incredibly romantic, but usually after the intimacy has all ready been established.

Hiking, however, gives you plenty of chances to make physical contact. Help her over a fallen log. Climb some rocks ahead of her and give her a lift up. Hold hands or slip your arm around her. Pause someplace beautiful and go for the kiss beneath the shade of a tree as wind rustles the leaves overhead.

Of course I have no idea where you live, but in my neck of the woods it's freezing ass cold, so hiking would be completely out of the question unless you're both very hardcore.

Don't worry yourself over it. That's the worst thing you can do. You know how you keep yourself from getting too obsessed with a girl and blowing it? You keep trying to pick up other girls. Ask for numbers, arrange other dates. You'll be so much calmer and so less inclined to become creepy affectionate when you've got other options open to you. If it makes you feel any better, my date last weekend went more or less identically. We had a good time but I didn't feel the time was right for a kiss. Yeah, we're bordering the friend zone, but she gave me a second chance, and I'm sure you'll get one if you ask for it. So ask and be cool.

[Gratedwasabi]

Don't worry yourself over it. That's the worst thing you can do. You know how you keep yourself from getting too obsessed with a girl and blowing it? You keep trying to pick up other girls. Ask for numbers, arrange other dates. You'll be so much calmer and so less inclined to become creepy affectionate when you've got other options open to you. If it makes you feel any better, my date last weekend went more or less identically. We had a good time but I didn't feel the time was right for a kiss. Yeah, we're bordering the friend zone, but she gave me a second chance, and I'm sure you'll get one if you ask for it. So ask and be cool.

Definitely agree with this. I was doing this hardcore last week and we'll see. I know she's very lacking in things to do for the next two weeks, so I won't wait long to ask her out again (she's off school and that's basically her life right now.) I used to be a lot worse at holding back my sometimes obsessive nature but after a few failed relationships and a couple of embarrassing situations, I'm pretty good about being attentive and aggressive attention wise but far from obsessive.

I live in Seattle, WA so it's cold but not really that bad (40-50) and it's a gorgeous area so.. I'm going to go the hiking/picnic route. Seems like a good plan. Also, 3rd dates are when I start feeling much better about things. Plus hiking is a much more comfortable activity for me (I HATE bowling, only asked her to that on my best friend's insistence) and any time my food is involved it gives me comfort (/cockiness, there's two things I'm really ****ing good at in this life; one is cooking, the other is ....)

Again, sorry for the original post. Not sure what is with this headache, making me all loopy. And thank you for the responses, made me feel much better. I just hope she finds me as a potential dating interest and not a friend (she did drop a couple of hints towards a possible future relationship. You know, when women say things like "I don't think we're quite at THAT point ... yet." etc that I've only heard from women that I ended up dating for a while.)

[MerryH]

Talk about the picnic menu, please.

[Gratedwasabi]

Talk about the picnic menu, please.

LOL, Merry, you and food. Love it.

Champagne. Some nice rustic bread. She really likes cheese but can't have cows milk, so an assortment of goat's and sheep's milk cheeses. Fruit. Taboulleh made with red quinoa that I really like. Squash soup w/ ginger if I can keep it warm long enough. Coconut macaroons, 'cuz she loves coconut. Nothing too crazy, just simple snacky stuff.

[MerryH]

LOL, Merry, you and food. Love it.

Please serve olives.

Thank you.

[Gratedwasabi]

Please serve olives.

Thank you.

Ahh, of course. Will do. I might even make a little tapenade tastiness to spread on the bread and brine my own olives instead of yucky industrial brine.

[MerryH]

Yaaaay!

Sounds awesome. Good luck!