I can't talk to anyone I know...hence why I'm here.

Ok so ill give a quick rundown of the situation I'm in.

I was sexually abused by someone in a trusted position when I was 15 and it was several times...I was in a relationship at the time and have been with my partner ever since (we have been togeather 8 yrs now). He never knew anything if the abuse until earlier this year when he put 2 and 2 togeather. So I lied to my partner about it for 8 years out of fear of losing him.

I have not cheated or done anything WILLINGLY behind his back all the time we have been togeather.

When I confessed about my abuse he confessed to sleeping with 2 women a couple of yrs ago. Also there has been more minor indiscressions overthe yrs that he has been fairly honest about.

Last weekend he and his brother went out on the town, i was messaging him most of the night asking to come home so we could have some fun. They didn't come home for he fact I had no alcohol in the house and I was looking after my kids and my niece, so they went back to some girls house. He told me him and this girl were fooling around with some foreplay but he wasn't 'feeling it' so he didnt have sex with her. I believe this.

I am so paranoid atm, thinking something could happen, this girl is on his fb now as well as one he slept with a couple of yrs ago and one he was flirting with and kissed while he was away earlier this yr.
I am afraid he will or is having an affair with one of these girls, I dont think he would be able to keep up a charade, but then again it was 2 yrs before he told me he had sex with another women and he wouldn't have told me if i hadn't told him about what happened when i was 15. Then i think he may be using this 'honest guy' thing so I won't question him.

I am ranting and need advice and perspective. we have lost trust in each other and for the moment we seem to want to work things out. Then there are times when he doesn't care because i lied to him for 8 yrs and then he mucks around.
Please help going out of my mind.....