Somewhat needy boyfriend

[yerb4]

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about two years and are both in our early twenties. We both just graduated from college, but my degree is a lot more marketable and I'm already getting interviews. He has had the last semester off, pretty much, with an internship that barely took any time, then a job that took about 8 hours a week but no other jobs. He complained about being bored, and I told him he could start applying to places. He didn't do that, and now nobody is hiring because seasonal is already taken care of. He is a musician and wants to be a private lesson instructor and work his way into the music business (his B.S. degree is in music business). I have tried to get him to look at other options until he can get his feet more wet in the music industry, but the only places he will apply to are low-wage "high school jobs" at Target and Best Buy. He has talked about getting a job through his mom, and seems to think that will be a shoe-in and not too stressful. I feel like any job is going to be stressful, and if he thinks he can get something easy like that, I will probably lose respect for him. He also knows somebody else that he thought would get him a job, but apparently they're "crappy cleaning jobs" and such. He doesn't have much job experience, and I have worked those "crappy jobs", so it makes me feel like he's being picky and looking down on people.

I have a hard time seeing things his way. I know he's passionate about music, but he needs to get things done. I value security; that's why I chose a major that would get me a job immediately. I have worked hard and am ready to be independent. I'm worried that someday I will be financing everything. Generally, I feel like he's dependent. I do have a lot of control in this relationship because he seems to be more emotionally invested (saying things like "i want to be with you forever" and wanting to be with me all the time), while I'm very practical about relationships and have had more experience with them. I certainly am emotionally invested, but I have trouble feeling like I love him when I don't respect his drive in life. He complains a lot. He says he will not be like this, but his siblings are all still somewhat dependent on his parents (all in late 20's). I would like him to be more confident, because it would make me believe that he is more capable. He is a romantic thinker... he thinks that things will only get better for us, which I slightly disagree with (relationships all have major ups and downs), but I don't want to tell him this because he'll feel bad. I'm a practical and rational person, and I often have trouble relating to his sometimes naive ideas about life, though I can understand why he thinks those things. I do love him, and want to make this work, because he's a great guy who will do anything for me (he has said this a few times recently) and I know he would be a great dad and family man.

How should I talk to him about this stuff without making him lose more confidence? How can I not see his insecurities as things that make him less capable?

[Regnent]

Personally, he just sounds like a undirected lazy boy.

The longer you let him be this way, the less likely he is to change it.

You don't need to change him, but if it's a problem, tell him to get his arse in gear. If he doesn't, I wouldn't bother wasting time with him.

[vashti]

if he has little work experience and an unmarketable degree, he is probably not qualified for anything more than Best Buy or Target. He should apply there, and simultaneously keep applying for jobs he is underqualified for.

In the end, I don't think you will be happy with a guy like this. They never seem to change.

[YouAreBeautiful]

You are both young and fresh out of college. I think it may take him a few years to sort out his future. It is difficult coming from the college lifestyle into the career world. It's a shocker and requires mental preparation in addition to the education and degree. If he is a loving caring boyfriend otherwise I think you are ok! You can help him out, but don't do anything for him that makes you feel like you are in charge of him and are taking too much responsibility. It sounds like he is handling himself and is not in a desperate position. Pressuring someone into a career, especially if you are not married is probably not the best route.

[damn2010]

What is his degree exactly?

Grad school perhaps???

[mrz16]

Don't be so critical of him after all he is your boyfriend. Think of it this way, you had just left college, YOUR BOYFRIEND had done a degree which got him a job quickly but you didn't . He manages to get a job where as you are at home having no luck of your own. Then one day your boyfriend sits you down and says things aren't working out because you have no direction and he sees him doing all the work and its being a drag on his life. imagine how devastated you would feel. He has no reason to believe that his girlfriend who he trusts would think of him in such a light instead of helping him and supporting him. Now re-evaluate your situation with more understanding instead of such a self destructive thoughts. Just talk some sense into him.

[Gratedwasabi]

Can we just be frank with this lady? Your boyfriend is a loser. He's that guy that's 30 something checking in my groceries and validating the parking for my new car. Who cares how old is he? I'm 24 and lazy as shit and I make bank. The real reason he's unemployed? He's talentless and probably not very smart. Good luck on him acquiring those things. I have an island to sell you, too.