Why do most women resist when men ask for sex?

[vashti]

I once heard from someone that women usually don't have as much as a sex drive as men and only get an orgasm when rubbing their clitorous.

Nonsense. I can get off when it's licked, too.

[Ryan Heitzman]

Okay. That's cool. I'm not a genius at this I was just expressing what this guy said that's all.

[Gribble]

This is the million dollar question. I'm guessing it's just nature, though. Once a woman is successfuly impregnated she's knocked out of the game for quite some time. So it's important for her to find the best possible mate. Whereas with us men it doesn't really matter. We can run around spreading our seed day and night. It's to our advantage, genetically, to be promiscuous. Of course none of this applies to modern life given contraception and all that, but instinct still holds some sway.

[vertical_sky]

From a male perspective though, suck it up. It's a basic desire, it can be enjoyable, and guess what? I'm pretty sure if you wern't busy feeling used, you could get something out of it too. Why does it always have to have all these conditions and crap attached? Is there something wrong with just having a romp?

It usually has conditions attached for 1) biological reasons and 2) social reasons. (And one feeds into the other, obviously.)

Sex can lead to pregnancy for women. Even with condoms and the Pill, mistakes happen. Women then have to decide between an abortion (potentially an emotionally painful and at least financial burden), adoption (emotionally painful and physically taxing for nine months) or having the child. Suddenly an "enjoyable romp" becomes something that could change your entire life/emotional landscape FOREVER.

Guys, except for a moral obligation, do not have to worry about it. They can have an enjoyable romp, and then run off to another country to avoid child payments. (See thread: How To Convince My Ex)

There is also the issue of STDs, especially HIV. When women are aroused, there's that slick membrane coating their vagina that is a perfect receptor for the sexual-fluid-transmitted virus. Women can catch HIV a lot easier from a guy than a guy can catch it from a woman.

So from a biological standpoint, women have not tons to gain (MOST women require more than a quick in-out to even achieve an orgasm) and much to lose.

Socially, a woman who just "enjoys a fun romp" can potentially end up with a very bad reputation. Even if she can avoid the biological pit falls (pregnancy, STDs) she has to deal with a high level of social shame (slut, whore.) I know several otherwise progressive guys that balk when they discover a girl has had more sexual partners than them... because of social conditioning (women should be passive, weaker, more demure and "innocent") they assume the girl must not value either herself or her sexual encounters.

Yeah, we all say things have changed, girls can be just as sexually liberated as guys... But the fact is, being a female virgin is still an erotic idea, and innocence is still a huge sexual selling point (think school girls.)

[sweetkissesforu]

Your going to end up a lonely old man with an attitude that using woman is ok

[red_sparrow]

oh hellz no.
i love my sex. but of course, with a familiar body.

[red_sparrow]

Most women cannot separate sex from emotion, so if a guy has sex with them and then never sees them again, they feel used. Maybe you should be a bit more direct, and tell them you aren't interested in anything more than just a single romp in the hay.

Definitely true, though i found--to my surprise--that sex is also surprisingly emotional for my BF, too.

[cuttingcrew]

it\'s all about social etiquette.

see [URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Petrarch"]petrarchan love[/URL]

[Regnent]

Sex can lead to pregnancy for women. Even with condoms and the Pill, mistakes happen. Women then have to decide between an abortion (potentially an emotionally painful and at least financial burden), adoption (emotionally painful and physically taxing for nine months) or having the child. Suddenly an "enjoyable romp" becomes something that could change your entire life/emotional landscape FOREVER.

I'll totally give this to you.

Now, what about when you take away the casual aspect?
Say, your partner for 16 years.
A great deal of that argument is now void. Pregnancy can still be a concern, but guys can get fixed, and so can women.
Plus, once you have a more permanent partner, many of the concerns are mutual.
I tend to think women who are disinterested will simply use whatever excuse they can to justify being tight lipped.
I mean, yes it's their choice, but I'm pretty much sure most would have a bird if the partner just went out and got it else where.

[vertical_sky]

I'll totally give this to you.
Now, what about when you take away the casual aspect?
Say, your partner for 16 years.
A great deal of that argument is now void. Pregnancy can still be a concern, but guys can get fixed, and so can women.

Just because you have your tubes tied, or have been with your partner for years doesn't suddenly wipe out your biological instincts. Frankly, the pregnancy scare thing is incredibly irrational... I've known females (including myself) who start getting freaked if their period is a few days late, even if they haven't had sex in months.

I feel it's pretty disingenuous to claim women just use excuses to avoid sex. Women's sexuality is incredibly complex; it's why there is no version yet of female Viagra, and why even lonely women don't go to prostitutes. It's why the Pill actually lowers most women's libido. You see disinterested, I see a whole mess of complex emotions and physical reactions that maybe even the individual woman doesn't understand.

[Gratedwasabi]

Muhahahaha you should be severely beaten my boy

Why do you never talk dirty to ME like that, Sonrisa?

[Charisma]

I agree with the *woman has the risk of pregnancy thing* but for me, if I'm honest, I'm just too damn fussy about who I wanna get involved with.

Ok, so there's been a guy I've *finally* found who I'm attracted to. If (and it's often not the case) he decided to talk to me and is friendly enough and has a sense of humour, then some sense of his personality forms in my mind, and I have to decide if I like this as well as his physical side. This can be ruined with clashing opinions on things that I hold dear to my heart, as well as how intellegent he is, how much he uses wit, if he even attempts to have a conversation with me at all, if we have common interests, and if his lifestyle would be compatable with mine- i.e. I couldn't date a drug taker, or a thief, or some football hooligan, for instance. Then there's the fact that he might flirt with a bunch of people I know, and that sort of stuff doesn't endear me to guys. If he doesn't mind leading a few girls on, what's to say he'll stop doing that if he dates me?!??! Sounds daft, but I know I have the right to consider my own feelings before choosing, and sometimes it tugs at my instincts without me consciously thinking *he's a flirt- score him off the list*.

After all that, there's the fact that he might only want sex. Like someone else said, women find it hard to seperate emotion from sex, and I definitely know I'm the type that would find it hard to handle a casual relationship. So not only for my own benefit, but to spare him a lot of hassle, I turn down *only sex* offers.

Yes, it can be hard for guys. All those things females look for in guys, and a lot of them just wanna have fun. But there should be an element of fun in it all. Just because they don't success with 1, 2, 5, 10, 20 women, doesn't mean that they never will. It just takes some creativity, a bit of reading up, some constructive comments from friend girls(who you trust to be honest) and a bit of charm.

p.s. Owns a rabbit, and needs to use it at least once a week. It's no real substitute for sex, but it's better than doing without any orgasms at all.

[Regnent]

I feel it's pretty disingenuous to claim women just use excuses to avoid sex. Women's sexuality is incredibly complex; it's why there is no version yet of female Viagra, and why even lonely women don't go to prostitutes. It's why the Pill actually lowers most women's libido. You see disinterested, I see a whole mess of complex emotions and physical reactions that maybe even the individual woman doesn't understand.

Granted. I feel that a mans sex drive is about as complex as breathing personally.
But, at the same time, I can't help but to get frustrated and ticked off. As simple as it might seem, you (or at least I) can't just shut it off.
Besides I know I feel pretty poorly about myself in response.

[Kama]

Sex is a biological need and everybody knows it. We know we can enjoy with it more than without it. Every woman or man has the urge to have sex when coming across the opposite sex, except ones parents or sisters. Yet why they suppress it? Is it just because religions forbid him from fulfilling his urges?

See animals do it freely and without repressiveness yet we humans try to deter it with so many of our idiosyncrasies. **** off all these layers of morality and satisfy our natural urges

[Ryan Heitzman]

Interesting Statement Kama.