Sex with my ex

[sadlady]

I'm just wondering what the general consensus is on sex with an ex boyfriend? I broke up with him 9 weeks ago after a lovely 13 month relationship. The reason for the break up was that I wad looking for some reassurance on where we were going and he felt it was too soon to commit. I'm 31 and he's 35 so I don't think I was being premature. Anyway, since the break up we have been in regular contact, both by text and in person. While both of us make contact by text we have always met up because he has initiated it. We slept together twice in the first week after the break up and again last weekend. This time was different as afterwards he wanted to stay in bed with mr for ages, holding me really tightly (this didn't even happen when we were together as he always felt energised after sex and wanted to go out and do things!). Since we had sex we've been in contact but there has been no mention of it. Just wondering what it meant, if anything? Thanks

[Boisdevie]

So you're seeing each other and having sex - call me stupid but doesn't that mean you're in a 'relationship' with the guy? Perhaps he just likes the idea that he has someone that he can **** from time to time. How can WE tell - talk to him

[vashti]

It means he is still getting what HE wants, and you are not. (unless you are okay with having sex in an uncommitted relationship)

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, he is getting what he wants and he is initiating all of it. Funny how he doesn't mention it because he is getting everything he needs. Sure, you are going to read into "he holds me tightly afterwards! He's never done that before!" and think that he has made a change of heart and wants more serious things, but if he isn't talking about it, he's not making progress and moves toward it.

The question you should be asking yourself is "How does this make sense?" You broke up, you keep in touch, you still sleep together. How has anything changed from before? And if you think things are going to be different, you are going to end up in an asylum as a mental patient. If he wants to work on things, maybe you should take it slow and not get so physical (as in sleeping with him twice the first week after a break up). If he wants to be with you, he's going to enjoy being with you when sex isn't in the equation. If you can hold out from him and still enjoy each other's company, you might have a shot at this really working. I don't see that as the case though.

You are 31? Really?

[sadlady]

Thanks for your reply but is it really necessary to be so sarcastic?

[VincenzoG91]

Cow, milk, free, etc.

[quart]

I think the sex is irrelavent, most guys will have sex with a cute girl they found at a bar. So if he can keep it going with you he will since he wont have to work to get it anywhere else. And maybe he does really care about you but since you're still talking and having sex he is still getting off on the committment thing. Which is why you ended it in the first place right? So you need to cut off the sex and maybe then he'll be motivated to commit. Guys are lazy, if they can avoid making big decisions they will. And i'm saying this from the viewpoint of also recently having sex with my ex.

[cuttingcrew]

why did you break up if you want to make love to him?

[sadlady]

Thank you quart.You are completely right.I never set out to end up in this situation and I cant believe some of the things I've done,to be honest.I'm going to cut contact now and hope for the best.Cuttingcrew,he ended the relationship.It wasn't what I wanted.He regretted the break up immediately but decided he needed some time to figure things out.I guess I've been trying to hold onto him.Haven't gone the best way about it though.........