Need advice

[rj6602]

I'm 20 years old. I think I'm starting to fall in love with my best friend, a girl I work with. She started working with me about a year ago, and we quickly became friends, and I developed what started out as a small crush, and elevated into a much larger crush. We text and call back and forth all day, and talk on Skype every night, for at least a couple hours, the longest was 8 hours.

She has been in a relationship for 4 years. She says the relationship was ok at first but after about a year, he started to change. He mentally abused her throughout the relationship, and during the last year even became physical. He also cheated a couple times.

She finally told him it was over just over a week ago. For the first few days she ignored his calls, but on Sunday he was waiting for her at her bus stop, and they argued and he hit her again. For a few days he tried various tactics from death threats to blackmail to sweet talking and telling her how much he misses her and how he needs her etc. He says the threats were just because he was mad.

And she's buying all this. He's somehow convinced her he'll change, and she's seriously considering getting back together with him, and I'm so worried she will. I've been talking to her for hours every night, and she's been going back and forth between understanding she needs to end this relationship, and wanting to call him and tell him she misses him and wants him back. She met him in person today for coffee, and now she's convinced she should get back with him, although she's still telling him it's not going to happen. I feel like I've put everything I have emotionally into helping her, and convincing her to make the right choice, and I feel like if I fail, nothing else in my life really matters right now.

What can I say to convince her she needs to end this relationship and move on. I've tried everything.

Is that even the right move? Should I just let this go.

While I've been talking to her and helping her through all this, the crush got stronger, and I really feel like I'm falling for her. Maybe I should just get over her and move on, while staying friends with her? I feel like I have to tell her how I feel at some point, like I can't just carry on being friends with her, while she's back with him, wondering if I ever could have had a chance.

One of the reasons she wants to get back with him is she feels that if he didn't appreciate her, no one else will, and she doesn't believe there are guys out there who will really see how amazing she is. But I do... I just can't tell her.

I really want to tell her how I feel, and of course I'd still be her friend if she didn't feel the same, but I feel like it's too soon. I feel like if I tell her now, I'll ruin everything. But at the same time, I feel like if I don't she'll get back with him eventually and be trapped the rest of her life.

[reeba]

Something is out of whack with someone who keeps going back to a guy who physically abuses them. She broke up with him, he hits her while trying to get her back, and then she actually considers going back to him? She has major issues. I don't think you rescueing her and then trying to be her boyfriend is what she needs right now. All she needs right now is to be rescued and have friends near by. You need to read the knight in shining armor thread that is often at the top of this forum.

Does she have any other friends? I know it sounds strange but you almost have to do an intervention, and get her away from this guy. Chances are something is going on at home too, for her to even consider this is OK. Like I said, something is majorly out of whack for someone to think about going back to an abusive relationship - especially when they are abusive while trying to convince them to come back.

[gartlas]

Go find him and give him a good kicking. If he's beating her it's obviously not right , if she does leave him for good though you'd need to wait a while to tell her. But your probably already firmly entrenched with a summer house in the friend zone. But then....Most guys with female best friends eventually end up 'falling in love' with them. You just get over it

[rj6602]

Tonight he messaged her saying he thinks maybe she's right they both need to move on, their not right for her, but he'll always remember the good times they had etc. etc.

I was hoping to myself he was serious even though he lies a lot and could be back to how he was before by tomorrow.

We were on Skype, having a very nice conversation, which included talks about how she can't wait until she's found someone right for her, and then all of a sudden she signed off. I wondered why, but she had said she wanted to go to bed soon, so I sent a quick good night email, and just as I did I received a text message from her.

She said she feels terrible, she feels like she's been cheating by talking to me so much, if he ever found out he'd be so upset, it's not right, she's a horrible person, she deleted my picture from her phone and can't talk to me anymore.

I was so confused. This was minutes after we'd been having a great conversation and I felt closer with her than ever.

I tried calling a few times but she wouldn't pick up. If she's still talking like this tomorrow, I think I'm just going to have to come clean and tell her how I feel.

I'm so confused right now.