Role reversals in relationships

[Incognito]

As stated before I observe people. Its almost a hobby for me. Anyway, I have noticed through talking to couples that they seemingly switch roles after a long time together. Nothing as serious as overall masculinity/femininity obviously, but in other large areas. One thing that I've noticed on multiple occasions is that whomever is more dominant usually becomes more submissive and vice versa. This seems more likely to take place when there is a souring in the relationship and the more submissive person feels trampled/overshadowed/whatever. Then it becomes more an issue of asserting dominance over their partner (rather than being dominant in general). I suspect that after years of being dominant without really having to try the once dominant person inadvertently slips into the submissive role.

Speaking specifically of myself, my wife was brutal when we first got married. I was definitely a lot more passive. I had my wedding rings tossed at me, was cursed at, and was ignored/neglected emotionally, physically and sexually. That was about six years ago, and I'm still married. However I am a lot more aggressive in how I deal with her and she doesn't have nearly as much fire as she once did (attitude-wise).

[Regnent]

I think alot of it has to do with coping than role reversal.

My wife can be tits on fire when she's in a foul mood (which is alot). I used to fuss about it, now I'm just a mild jackass in response.

I suspect your behaivior is simply to counter hers, and her mellowing out is either age (5 years is a while), or simply a toned back version in response to you.
If people want to stay together (or are stuck with each other), they can often find a middle ground, since both people on extremes tend to be stressfull.

[Incognito]

Scaling back personalities would be finding that middle ground. I am speaking specifically about instances where people seemingly take on attributes that they didn't have (but their partner did) earlier in the relationship.

[devonbrown]

Perhaps the longer you are in a relationship the more comfortable you get with the other person and the more of your true nature gets revealed. You may not even know it is happening until it does.
Also, we are constantly evolving and changing and who you are at 40 is probably not the same person you were at 20. Life experiences often dictate learning new skills and taking on new roles.

[Incognito]

That makes sense, but it is one thing to become a better communicator, or less abrasive, but quite another to actually exchange personality qualities. That is the part that is interesting.

[Regnent]

Why is it interesting?
I was far less aggressive before, I also avoided confrontation like the plague.
I'm sure a chunk of it is just my getting older, but I'm also sure a chunk of it is from living with my wife.

[Incognito]

It would only be interesting in your case if your wife was aggressive when you first got together, and after so many years she became way less aggressive while you became much more so. People learn to deal with each other and change accordingly, but when there is a total reversal that is what I find interesting. Especially since this reversal appears to be made/transitioned into subconsciously.

[Ryan Heitzman]

Wife + Aggressive= Semi turn on.

[Ryan Heitzman]

And I'm not talking about anyones wife here. I'm talking about if I had one aggressive ( more over assertive really) it would slightly turn me on.

[Incognito]

^^^ No it wouldn't, trust me. Its like being married to a man. Now sexually aggressive is a whole different thing. THAT would probably be enjoyable.

[Ryan Heitzman]

I ment sexually aggressive over emasculation. Emasculation makes me sick and would never practice it.