Am I emotionally abusive?

[Incognito]

I think that the truth should be acknowledged whether it is convenient or not. With that said I wonder if I am being emotionally abusive at home, or if my coping mechanism (indifference and disconnect) is just inconvenient for her.

When I get home I typically say something like "hello" and ask how her day was, unless there is conflict, in which case I say nothing. I then either work out, play a game, or do some other activity (alone). We all eat dinner together, and afterwards either watch TV or play video games. Sometimes I want to do neither and occupy myself with something else like cleaning the kitchen/bathroom or read a magazine. When it gets late I shower, have some green tea, and then go to bed. (Funny how through writing I can see how much of a disconnect there is)

We have talked about my disconnect before, including today. I am not a "fake" person though, and therefore won't give the impression that I feel something that I don't. Since I have no real emotional connection to her I rarely even think about doing couple-ish things like snuggling on the sofa, one on one talk, or kissing. I used to, but that changed a while ago. Going back to my original question, does my lack of feeling/affection constitute emotional abuse? I cringe to think that answer might be "yes", but if the hat fits you have to wear it.

Now don't get me wrong I have tried to take positive steps in the past to change my thinking and the way I deal with her, but it seems that every time I do she gets angry at something and I immediately "switch off" again. Nonchalant me has been around the most for a long time, and every time I put him away I have to take him right back out.

[Ryan Heitzman]

I would be careful with this because it could lead to physical abuse. Hopefully you can take control of her when she does this.

Be assertive to her and tell her how you really feel if you haven't already did that.

[red_sparrow]

this is really sad.

i don't even think you should BE with this woman... she doesn't deserve this kind of neglect. at least it's nice you help her with the cleaning.
this doesn't seem like a relationship, though. it sounds like my best friend's parenst who sleep in seperate rooms and don't talk to each other all day.

[Incognito]

Ha, I discovered that there is such a thing as being too honest. I told her that "I loved her, but wasn't IN love with her". She mentioned in conversation today that she will never forget that. It is the truth though. As far as becoming physically abusive, that won't happen. I totally believe in self defense against anyone, but to respond physically to any other situation is unacceptable.

[Incognito]

this is really sad.

i don't even think you should BE with this woman... she doesn't deserve this kind of neglect. at least it's nice you help her with the cleaning.
this doesn't seem like a relationship, though. it sounds like my best friend's parenst who sleep in seperate rooms and don't talk to each other all day.

Well that didn't really answer my question, but before you pass judgement perhaps you should read some of my earlier threads that outline her behavior more fully. All I asked was if my actions/inactions can be deemed "abusive". This is mainly directed at the members here who know what is going on beyond the short synopsis that I gave above.

[Ryan Heitzman]

I'm glad you think that way. Women think they can put their hands on us and it's okay.

Men hate that and need to learn to restrain them ( although some girls are much stronger than the average guy) or sothin and not try to hurt them.

I think women to a certain degree should learn how to defend themselves and keep their husbands from attacking them also.

Hope this helps.

[Ryan Heitzman]

Oops, sorry. You ment you being emotionally abusive. I'm sorry about that. I just gave you reverse advice.

[Incognito]

^^^Well I sorta disagree with you there. If a woman assaults me she's getting a hard one-two somewhere in the upper body. I posted a thread about that a while ago. I'm sure you could find if if you looked. I think it was called 'Double standards', and as much as I appreciate your posts everyone has failed to answer my question.

[Incognito]

Ha, no problem. Maybe everyone else thought the same thing.

[qwertz]

I dont think it does, sounds like you are just making the best out of a bad situation. My idea of what emotional abuse is, is far from what you describe.

[Ryan Heitzman]

Your a good guy Incognito. If you think your emotionally abusive I can guarantee you could diffenetly work that kink out.

I can't really answer your question but would like to boost your character because you just seem to be a great guy.

[Incognito]

I dont think it does, sounds like you are just making the best out of a bad situation. My idea of what emotional abuse is, is far from what you describe.

Thank you for a straightforward answer. I don't think anyone deserves emotional abuse and therefore thought I should get an opinion (or a few). Any other opinions (with explanation)?

[qwertz]

Your a good guy Incognito. If you think your emotionally abusive I can guarantee you could diffenetly work that kink out.
]I can't really answer your question but would like to boost your character because you just seem to be a great guy.

Lol

[Incognito]

Your a good guy Incognito. If you think your emotionally abusive I can guarantee you could diffenetly work that kink out.

I can't really answer your question but would like to boost your character because you just seem to be a great guy.

Thanks, but as much as I like to receive compliments I don't think that you've read enough about me to formulate a definite good or bad opinion about me. Unless I am wrong and you've been reading my past threads of course.

[Ryan Heitzman]

Well, that's true Incognito, but your the few people on here that don't think I'm a dumb **** and you don't judge me from stating my harmless opinions ( like some).