Stuck in an unusual social life... (rant)

[irrelevant_89]

Hi... I haven't posted here in months but every once in a while a guy needs to log on and rant a bit.

So, I'm doing a one-year physics program in Canada, planning on getting back to Europe after I'm done. It's going well, no complaints except that the work is so intense that it doesn't really leave much room for anything else - especially since I'm kind of slow. The social aspect of it is rather... let's say "unique": I have 30 classmates, we have classes together (off-campus so we don't really get to mingle with other students, we don't even have time) and we all live in the same floor at the university dorms, so essentially we spend a lot of time with each other, working and going on the odd trip to the pub - and no one else.

I can't complain about them, they're all good people and I get along with them just fine. But this doesn't help me resolve an age-old problem for me, that of finding a "significant other". I'm 21 and I've never as much as kissed a girl, which I know shouldn't be seen as a bad thing, but I really long for a connection of that kind - I've dreamt about it for too long. I need to make it happen, but right now I don't have the conditions to do it.

I mean, I'm leaving in 6 months anyway, and I can't even meet new people because I'm stuck working all the time... and to make things worse, I think I'm starting to "like" one of my classmates, but I certainly can't act on it because it would lead to an ocean of awkwardness. It's been like this my whole life - seems that everyone I've ever liked was out of bounds, either for being taken, being out of my league, or some weird situation like this. Why do I fall into impossible fantasies so much?

Sorry for the long post - I don't even know why I'm writing this. The obvious answer is to suck it up and keep working until I get back home, then I'll have at least 3 years in some European country to build a more normal life as a grad student, but right now I'm a bit frustrated by this situation.

She went home for Christmas today and when she hugged me goodbye I was left with such a bittersweet feeling... because it felt good. Better than it should. But it might be that the only reason I'm considering her is because I don't know enough people and I'm desperate enough as it is...

Ok I'll stop here. Sorry for wasting your time.
Better get back to work.

[blent]

You're so negative, it's not going to help and no one is going to feel sorry for you, so you'd better change your outlook on life. You want a girlfriend? Nothing is stopping you but your fear of rejection. If you like that girl then go ask her out, it's simple. Don't make excuses like it's going to be awkward or you're leaving in 6 months, because you're not going to suddenly become a different person when you go to Europe - you'll continue to make excuses. So many people over analyze everything and all it's doing is shielding them from the good things. You are one of these people, the only reason you're feeling this way is because you're allowing yourself to be this way.

It's pathetic dude... just think of your life as a story, and you're the hero. The good things are waiting for you to come get them, but they'll only continue to wait, it's up to you on whether the waiting pays off. You're getting a good education, you've got a bunch of friends that you get along with, and you know a girl that you'd like to get to know better. If you want something more than that, then do something about it. Because no one on this forum can or will do it for you.

[irrelevant_89]

I'm sorry if my post comes across as "boo-hoo, my life sucks". I know my life is perfectly good as it is, it's just that little, almost irrelevant matter that keeps bugging me. That's why part of me thinks I'm being stupid for even thinking about it, that I'm in no condition to have a relationship right now and I should be happy working and having my friends and all that.

I'm hardly afraid of rejection, I'm afraid of actually being accepted and starting something that might blow up in my hands and hurt both sides of the equation. I've had this happen even with no actual relationship - allowed myself to be led on and treated like human crap for one year before I grew a pair and removed that girl from my life.

Am I negative? Yes. Pathetic? Maybe. But I don't think this is as easy as you claim. Maybe I'm overanalyzing, but just jumping into things without analyzing at all has its consequences.

(I should be working, not doing this... the only thing that's wrong about my life is that I have hormones. Love is just that, after all - hormones convincing you to hump someone to spread the genes. It's not magical, spiritual, or anything - just a way of keeping the species going.)

Thanks for the input, btw. Even though I think this thread was a mistake anyway.

[blent]

If you're not willing to deal with your problem then you're right I think this thread was a mistake. Have fun working the rest of your life. It won't motivate you to change your signature that's for sure.

[irrelevant_89]

Signatures are easy to change. You're right, I shouldn't be so negative. That I will try.

In any case, sorry if I wasted your time.

[TheScottj]

Hello,

I agree partly with the guy above, my feedback is the same in that you should try to be with this girl. To be honest even if it does end really badly, you can still do damage control and walk out of it with both sides with there heads held high. If you get rejected then, well your tried and you should just shrug it off. However if she says yes, then you have a relationship going, one you wouldn't of had if you didn't do anything at all about it. So at the moment it is a gain or stay same situation. You don't lose anything at all.

If you guys do split at a later time, just accept you tried. Try to remain friends and then work on moving on from each other. There is no reason a relationship should break a friendship. As long as nothing bad was done by either one of you.

So i agree that you should just go up and take the chance, even if it ends in the worse way possible. You still had a few good months and probably gained something from it. (experience, self confidence) etc.

So best of luck with this and hope it turns out alright.
Scott

[mycanaan]

It may not be as simple as it sounds but you will never know until you try and believe me you do not want regret you didn't try, this particular opportunity will never come again.

[Polmateer]

Hiya,

Ive started a journey to find my self and develop into the person i want to be, i am puting my findings onto a website called groweachtime.com there might be some useful articles on there you might find interesting. Also got a blog.

My journey started sometime ago when i broke up with someone i thought i loved...... i was heartbroken. Several months of feeling low later i went to my friends wedding and after 3 of my friends and i went on a road trip to Las Vegas. First night i was there i met a girl we got talking and even though i live in the UK and she lives in LA, we kept talking and have visited each other several times sometimes for 2 months at a time and not are getting married in November. You will find someone when you least expect it. Or in my case they will find you!

Relax and enjoy the journey!

Polmateer

groweachtime.com